ORIGIN

She had woken up a while ago, and the hollowness inside her greeted her like a friend, telling her good morning. Vazi had been there right next to her, coming awake as soon as she moved, and had started talking to her.

They apologized, offered her things, tried to make her smile, but she felt nothing, and simply watched them. Why were they doing this? This nothing, this was better than the pain.

Her thoughts were undisturbed by emotion in this state, clear, an echoing in a hollow chamber, alone. the lack of her emotions made everything her mind created lack volume, lack substance, and it was strange. Different. She had no opinion on the matter. Anything the stag suggested to her held no appeal. She saw no reason to get up, to stand, to explore. Why? Why do anything at all? Vazi would get her food, she knew, had already put succulent berries at her feet.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked, her voice dull, no actual interest in the tone. Even to form the words was an effort. "I am safe like this, like you wanted."

The memory of them, irritated, snorting at their inability to see her logic passed in her mind, but it felt flimsy, like a wet photograph, warping and curling and thrown away in the trash before she could give it much thought. They had argued for this, for her to be obedient, so now she was. She wasn't going anywhere.

"This is how I speak."

@Hasira

Nothing was the same since that day. Clover seemed to be broken. Her eyes didn't hold that same glimmer, the light that was always about her just seemed to go out. Where was his Pure One? He said that she could roam with his guidance but now she hardly seemed to want to. She was just at his side, doing what he bid... She was behaving splendidly but it just wasn't right. He wanted to be the Lord and be in control but he still wanted his Clover to have her thoughts and sweet opinions. She was safe, yes, but she wasn't... There. On the one hand he was happy that she was with him constantly but on the other he was upset at her listlessness. No matter what he did it just didn't seem to make her happy anymore.

He tried conversing with her, bring her the best berries to get her interested in life again but none of it seemed to work. He was at her side now, trying to talk with her when she finally spoke with her hollow voice. "No. I did not want this. You are not the Clover I once knew..." He shook his head, looking sadly at her. "I want to keep you safe and yes you are safe like this but I fear for you when you are so sad. I want you to be safe and happy." Or as happy as she could be while under his protection. He knew she couldn't be the perfect smiling buttercup but it could be better than this, couldn't it? His Pure One should not be so depressed.

273
@Clover
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5/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...

So the stag wanted her to be safe and happy. The word echoed within her, finding no meaning. She knew she was happy....happy with her cubs, at Pisces, with Pounce, and she wasn't happy previously, when she had tried to run away, but it didn't register; it just felt like words she couldn't read. What was the point of running away? Why would she want to see her cubs? It was just too much effort, and saw no point of it all.

"I'm not sad." She said. "I don't....feel anything. I feel hollow." She looked at them, at their pained expression, and just continued staring, her own expression blank.

She stared at the ground, at the pebbles at her feet, at the barren berry stems she'd pillaged after Vazi begged her to, and she pondered a thought, letting the silence stretch. "I don't know if having feelings is better than this." She paws at the stems, making them roll over. "The pain, the turmoil, the confusion; what's the point?"

"This is how I speak."

Didn't feel anything? He didn't know if that was better or worse than being sad. It meant she wouldn't try anything but it also meant she was this emotionless wreck in the floor. If she wasn't sad then... Was it wrong? The stag was fighting with himself. Part of him believed that if she wasn't sad then there was nothing to fix. She was still his Pure One just without the emotions that made her reckless with her "children". However, without the emotions she was also lacking her usual nature that so drew him to her. It was confusing to say the least and he didn't quite know how to proceed.

He remained silent, thinking about her questions and still trying to arrange his own thoughts. Finally after mulling it over he came to a conclusion. "Having emotions makes you stronger. For me, my want to protect the herbivores and my want to avenge Wynry helps me go on. If I had nothing then I would be worthless, a pile on the ground just sulking." As she was but he left that part out. "For you, you have no life and no purpose without your emotions, without your life and love. There is no point to life if you feel nothing... Good or bad you need them. There are things we can live without, like instinct which makes us weaker and fear which does the same, but to fight the carnivores and keep ourselves living we need emotion." That was the right answer. Hatred and Anger kept him living but what about Clover... Love? He figured her love for her cubs kept her going but without it she would surely die. Did that mean Hasira would let her see them? No, but this was just more reason for him to give her more cubs. To bring that life back to her eyes.

312
@Clover
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5/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...

She wanted to say that emotions inside of them inspired them to inflict pain upon others, and if it was one thing she could understand in this state, it was pain. She would move if only to avoid pain, but for no other reason. There was no use, no value in moving for anything else but that. She kept that to herself though. More than likely Vazi already knew that, and there was no point in repeating already present knowledge.

But Vazi made a good point. In this state, there was no point of living. Her only 'desire', if you could call it that, was to continue breathing.

"Hmm..." She replied, thinking it over, turning over the truth of their words.

There were two options presented to her, it seemed. One was to stay in this emotionless void, letting it swallow her up and take her down into its depths, or to find some way to feel again, to fix herself. To stay numb was to feel....well, not quite peace, but no pain, at the very least. But that was a lonely path, for surely Vazi would abandon her, fed up with her lack of response. She would stay here, next to a berry bush, alone. The other path was one of pain, turmoil, a winding trail that led her to dead ends and traps that made her fall - but it also had hidden treasures and wonders. She remembered how her life had purpose, how every day had new exciting adventures to behold, and her stories....

She stopped.
Her stories.
She....she couldn't....
...no....she....she needed her stories.

Something flared inside her, something that took root in the emptiness, the carved out space. Her fur stood on end, and if her skin showed, it would show goosebumps.

Her gem glowed brightly of its own accord, and she spoke, her voice having lost its dullness. "Vazi...I...I need...."

What surrounded them turned pitch dark again, nothing but them and the thread between them. It was torn and snarled and tattered, and she picked it up, soothing it, brushing it out softly.

"I need....I need you, Vazi..." She whispered, looking up at them.

"This is how I speak."

Hasira stared down at her, wondering what exactly was going on in her mind. If only he could see into it if only for a moment. He would sift through those emotions and try to fix them. Hmph... Fix her emotions when he couldn't even fix his own. His head shook as he tried to clear his thoughts. It wasn't about him right now. It was about her... About his broken Pure One. He needed her back. She was the closest thing to Wynry that he had and he needed her to be well.

He could see something working out in her mind, it was almost as if the gears in her brain were a visible thing that were on display. Or perhaps it was her beautiful white fur which seemed to suddenly gain a life of its own and erect itself. Either way, he knew that she was fighting to regain her life and it filled him with hope. Her delicate voice spoke again and the stag leaned in, his breathe hitching as he tried to anticipate her words. "What is it, my dear? What do you need?" He asked quietly. Whatever it was he would do it. He would take off into the sky and chase down the stars if it made her well again!

"I need....I need you, Vazi..."

Those words sent a shudder of... What was it? Some electric feeling, something that made his belly burn with desire and set every one of his hairs on end. The stag blinked down at her in confusion. No had had ever said that... Not since. Not since Arkrael. He remembered that time on the river with her when he'd kissed her. There was a similar feeling in him now. She wanted to feel again... Perhaps he would help her feel...

The stag blinked slowly and acting upon nothing but this new electric emotion he lowered his great antlered head and tried to plant a very light kiss on her lips.

333
@Clover
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5/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...

The world was a swirling darkness all around them, the endless void touching her feet, its cold fingers stroking her hooves. She ignored the void, instead focusing on the thread. It was weak, tentative, afraid, and she gave it soothing words, her gem in her eye glinting. Slowly, slowly, she soothed its knots and tangles, repaired its broken ends, letting it sing and come back to its glossy shine again. She gave it trust, she gave it comfort, loyalty, the last pieces of her core inside of her, the things necessary for a solid relationship. It already had her love, her fear, her anger and hatred, her envy and greed, her joy. Everything that she had inside her was in this thread, and she...she felt...she felt bad for making it so torn and ragged. It was faint, but it was there, perhaps an echo of the emotion rippling off into her from the thread. The spiderweb pulsed with an inner light, with all of herself inside of it, all of the golds and pinks of her inner essence glowing inside of it.

Now, now she looked up at Vazi, ready to connect it with them, ready to finally understand them, and two things stopped her dead cold.

One was the glint in their eyes, this fire, these sparks catching between the two of them as they moved towards her. She'd never seen that look before, never felt this intensity, this heat that clenched her empty heart and made it race, the thread giving her echoes of excited fear and adrenaline, like she stood on the edge of a very tall cliff. As they came towards her, her mind went blank, electric thrills burning her blood. She dropped the thread.

The second was that behind the heat, behind the fire lay Vazi's essence. Hers was white and gold, soft hues, pure and shining, and theirs was a tangling writhing mass of hatred, tendrils whipping around them, wishing to corrupt anything and everything around them, their colors sickening blacks and blues like fresh bruises. She wanted to turn away and run, wanted to scream, but then Vazi and their heat came down on her and kissed her lightly on the lips.

Her screams were swallowed by Vazi's mindless writhing hatred seeking a chance to invade, corrupt, and take over the emptiness inside her, piercing her skin as they kissed her, taking over her bloodstream, and filling the hollowness where her emotions once lay. It filled her like sick tar rushing into an empty vessel, coating her insides with its disease.

She couldn't breathe, she couldn't breathe at all, everything was choking her, and she gasped ineffectually for air. The void down at her feet saw its chance and inched its cold fingers to crawl up her legs and to her throat, and she stumbled back, her vision going dark.

"This is how I speak."

She was suffocating, she couldn't breathe, and the void was reaching up to her eyes now. She struggled to do something, to make it stop, to let her breathe, but the light she normally commanded was unresponsive and quiet, nowhere to be found. Panic roiled in her, merging with the sickness, and she begged the darkness to leave her alone. She fought for control of it, but never having experience manipulating the dark, it laughed at her, tightening its grip.

She couldn't see, her light was going dim, her eye rolled up in her socket. She didn't want to die, she didn't want this at all. Slowly, all sounds ceased, everything disappeared but the dark, and she fell into its cold embrace, having no other choice.

Her body fell to the floor with a soft thump.

[exit Clover]

"......."

He looked into her clear gaze, watching as something seemed to pass over her. Was she trying again? Wanting to do that bond? He didn't even care about it anymore. He was willing to compromise, to escort her around the caves if that was what made her happy. He would do whatever he just wanted his Pure One back! Just... He needed her. He couldn't go on in a world where his one link to the past was gone. He would go mad!

The kiss was more impulse, more something that wasn't under his control. He remembered the unbridled joy at that unholy thing he'd shared with Arkrael. So, why couldn't Clover feel the same thing with him? To the stag the kiss was certainly beautiful. To touch something so pure in such a way alighted feelings in him he'd long forgotten about. It sent joy up through his body and electrified his fur and body even more. Unaware was he of the magick that seeped from the doe and the corruption that spewed forth from the vile contact. He simply wanted to do what felt right to him and what he hoped would help the doe... He wasn't aware of the irreparable damage to Clover's delicate soul.

Finally he stopped the contact, he stared at her with half-lidded eyes... Only to find the panic in her gaze and then nothing as she slumped lifeless to the earth. He'd... He'd killed her. Was he so cursed that he destroyed everything that he loved? Destroyed all that he held dear? From his lips there came a strange laughter, a deranged sound that was far from the cheerful thing that laughter was meant to be. He laughed and laughed and laughed but in his heart there was no joy, only disbelief and an intense sadness and desperation. Why was he so cursed? Would he always be cursed to lose all of his friends? Would his entire herd die? The twins? Nemesis? Brutus? Would Wynry's stone snap in two as soon as he looked at it?

The stag laughed again, head lifted into the sky as he threw back his antlers and belted out his insanity. "By the gods, is this some sort of trick? Do you enjoy toying with me?" Hasira was no pious being but surely there must be something in the sky, some divine creature that figured it fun to play a prank on him at every turn. "Well, keep on toying! You will not break me! I have no purpose... You took my Pure One away, you took my brother away, you took my love away! But I will not stop living, you hear? I will keep going just to spite you! Yes! Even after I avenge my brother I will keep living! I will destroy everything in my path! All opposition! Everything will be crushed before me! I will not be content with ruling just Orion and seeing the herbivores safe... I will destroy every carnivore that lives and rule this entire cave!" He spat at the air, the laughter gone. His eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets as he screamed his venomous words at the sparkling sky.

"Wynry! You hear that? I will be the Lord of All! Not just the herbivores, not just of Orion... But. Of. ALL!" Here he laughed again, and stomped his hooves in sheer joy. To him he could see the body of Wynry clear as day standing right next to him and grinned at it. He didn't care that he was losing his mind, Clover was dead and so was Wynry. Who cared about a mind anyway? So long as he could carry on his duties and his promise everything would be fine.

His eyes turned to look down at the still form of the doe on the earth. The one he'd hurt... The one he'd killed in his selfish moment of electricity. She didn't deserve this... But because of his luck she had gotten it. With a sigh he laid down next to her, head draped over her neck while he gentle nuzzled her fur. "Believe me, I am sorry, Clover. If I could I would turn back the hands of time... But the gods will not allow me such a power. Instead I must make everything up to you in other ways... If you are even alive in there. But please... If there is any mercy of those terrible beings, would they just not bring you back and let you live. Just... please..." His eyes then closed as he settled into slumber... Today had been taxing and even a lord needed his rest.

775
@Clover
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7/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...

Belladonna

Hasira

Belladonna

Hasira

Belladonna

Hasira

Belladonna

Belladonna

Hasira