ORIGIN - Leaving Behind

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It was slow going with Kielo behind, having to climb their way carefully through the rocks, but Winter didn't mind. She had sped through the caves before, directionless, alone, and barely stopping. But now she had a reason to go slow.

They had finally reached the entrance to the tunnel that would lead them to Orion. She could smell a different air coming through the tunnel, an air that was mildly familiar. It had been a few cycles since Winter had visited that cave. She was excited to see it again with Kielo at her side.

But there was something else nagging at her, something that was missing. It was as if she was carrying too much with her, as if she couldn't leave Polaris without a piece of her behind. Something that affirmed this place as her home. Her and Kielo's home. So that one day they would come back.

She stopped moving and stood tall, looking around, as if the rocks and crystals would give her answers. "Kielo," she started, softly, "does if feel like something is missing to you? Like there's something we haven't done yet, or that we're leaving an empty room?" A strange feeling welled up in Winter, an unfamiliar desire that she had not thought about once in her life. Perhaps it came from her being fully grown now, knowing that she could and her deep instinctual need to continue her species, unused as a gembound, but rooted in her very genes.

She didn't make a sound as this realization came to her, but she formed words enough to ask. "Perhaps...we could leave a piece behind. A piece of both of us."

"And still I feel I said too much."
"My silence is my self defense."

Tags: @Kielo
Notes:

Kielo padded after Winter with a spring in their step. although it might have felt slow to Winter, they had a noticeable excitement in their step, their peacock tail fanned out behind them in order to quietly survey the terrain as they passed. They'd passed out of the terrain that Kielo knew well, and into a semi-unknown, although the sound of the silver river and the familiar stony scent told them that they were still in Polaris.

They could hardly believe they were leaving; it was like walking into a dream. Fear and excitement caused their stomach to flutter, and they had to keep drawing their attention back to the ground beneath them when they occasionally tripped on a loose stone or root.

They raised their head, pricking their ears, as the snake's voice reached them. A small smile lit up the hybrid's face at the sound, but her words were met with a gentle sense of confusion. They tilted their head slowly, and grinned. The words came almost unwittingly, and made their feathers quiver with happiness. "Now you're with me again, nothing's missing," they said softly, and their heart leaped at the thought. But Winter's words had also stirred something in them; the question lingered. It was as though they'd forgotten something important. But however their mind peeled over it, they couldn't quite figure out a definitive answer. "Except maybe... the link?"

They yearned in that moment for the caress of Winter's mind against theirs again, the honesty of knowing her every emotion and sharing all of theirs.

They felt their stomach flutter again as they missed it. But Winter's thoughts, spoken aloud, didn't seem to refer to the link at all. They lowered their ears against their head in thought. "What do you mean?" they asked finally, their voice eager. Though they didn't know why, they felt their heart beginning to pound, heat flooding beneath their fur. The feeling that Winter spoke of; suddenly they had it too. There was something ingrained deep in their gem that they knew, but couldn't explain. They didn't know what it was, but they were suddenly reluctant to leave. Kielo moved close to Winter, and lowered their nose to nuzzle against the side of her head.

"What should we do?" they asked, sounding confused and slightly panicked.

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"Speech looks like this."
Thoughts look like this.

tags: @Winter
notes: here

Winter leaned into Kielo's nuzzle and was silent for a moment, trying to think about how she would say it. Because she did not really know what it was, there was just a deep need to do whatever this was. Something with gems and with life and with a new chrysalis, growing and hatching. She slid back and looked up at Kielo's crown. Was it possible to create a new chrysalis with that? Was it even possible to take a piece off? She hoped that it didn't hurt because she would never forgive herself for suggesting it if it did.

Her own gem was on her back and she had no claw or arm to reach for it, besides her tail. But it was smooth and small and she didn't think she would be able to take a piece off. So what would she do? She thought it would be like putting together their gems. No, there was something else to this.

"I think...I don't really know, it's just a feeling I have, but I think it has to do with our gems. We leave a piece behind. I cannot reach mine, so it would have to be yours." She focused back on the magic in her gem. She did not often use magic, but this time she knew it would be necessary. Perhaps there was something there that would help her with this.

She looked up at Kielo, love brimming in her eyes as she got closer and pushed herself against their leg. "Do you feel it too?"

"And still I feel I said too much."
"My silence is my self defense."

Tags: @Kielo
Notes:

Kielo gently licked the cool scales atop Winter's head. They listened, ears twitching in attentiveness and feathered crest flickering as they thought, digging into an instinct which, in fact, felt like something deeper than mere thought. It was as though it was ingrained into their very core. But it was like groping at mist. it was so deeply ingrained yet somehow inexplicable. The hybrid lowered their ears, looking embarrassed as reality struck them.

"I know what you mean, Winter," they said softly. "It's just... well... do you think it involves magic?"

They hesitated, struggling with exactly how to say what they felt. An aura of embarrassment surrounded them, their feathers and fur standing on end. They knew that they had nothing to hide from winter, but somehow her eagerness disheartened them. But they couldn't not tell her. "Winter, I..." there was a pause. "I've never learned how to do magic. I don't even know what magic can do. I know you can do it, but... But maybe I'm just bad at it."

They hung their head low, wings drooping at their shoulders, guilt showing in their blind eyes.

"D-do you think you could maybe... y'know... help teach me? maybe it won't work, but I want to make you happy."

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"Speech looks like this."
Thoughts look like this.

tags: @Winter
notes: here

Something was wrong. Winter slid back from Kielo and looked into their blind, beautiful eyes. They didn't know how to use magic, sure, but something else. Uncertainty. Guilt. Winter felt her stomach drop as she realized what she was doing. "Kielo, no. This is something very important for both of us. If you don't want to, we won't do it."

She looked back at Polaris, the crystals and the Spire and the stones that were familiar now. She was eager and ready, although she was a little nervous. If they did this, then when they returned here, there would be children, defenseless children of their makin, waiting for their care. She wasn't sure if Kielo would be up to that or if they would even want to. There was uncertainty and fear in Winter as well, but something inside still told her that she should. She wanted share her life with Kielo. She loved them. And if this hurt them, then she would never forgive herself. "We would both have to be responsible and committed. If this doesn't make you happy as well, then it will not make me happy. But..."

She turned back and took a deep breath. "I could teach you about magic, if you like. Basic magic. I don't like performing it much, but I at least know how."

"And still I feel I said too much."
"My silence is my self defense."

Tags: @Kielo
Notes:

Kielo seemed acutely aware of the discomfort they'd caused, and the hybrid winced visibly at the tension. "N-no! Winter, I'd love to... but... what if I can't...?" they wanted to do this. Not only for Winter, but instinct told them that the process Winter told of, of giving a stone and giving life, was the most wonderful thing in the world. The prospect of being incapable of such a thing made their heart ache, as much as the thought of actually doing it made their heart leap with wonder. "I want to do this, Winter. In my heart it feels like this will be the most wonderful thing in the world, and it's even better that I'll be sharing it with you. But I've never done magic before. What if I can't do it?"

They felt their throat tighten with longing.

Winter spoke again, and this time she spoke of commitment and responsibility- adult concepts that they felt barely prepared for- and Kielo's blind eyes welled up. "You know I'll do my best. Because you'll be there, won't you? We said that we'd be there for each other forever, so we've already had a bit of practice. And even when you're not, I promise I'll do my best, no matter what."

Then, Winter spoke again, and this time she offered to teach them magic. Elation rose in their chest like a breath of fresh air, and they nodded vigourously, tears leaking into the fur of their cheeks. "If you can! But I... I mean... if you don't want to, that's fine too."

_________________________________________________________

"Speech looks like this."
Thoughts look like this.

tags: @Winter
notes: here

Winter almost laughed with relief. She had been scared that Kielo had not wanted to, that she was the only one that did. But now her fears were crushed and only elation and longing were left. "Yes, Kielo, of course I do! And I will always be there for you. We'll raise them together and they'll be perfect." She went back up and nuzzled Kielo's leg comfortingly. "I know you'll be able to do it. Magic isn't as hard as it seems. And this spell I'm sure you can do. I promise."

She stepped back and focused on her magic. Kielo wouldn't be able to see it, but she thought that it would be easier to perform an actual spell as she described and taught. "First, you focus on your gem. That's where the magic is." She did as she instructed and focused on the gem on her back. She could feel the life magic swirling around and she grappled onto it. "Hold tight to it with your mind and let it fill you." As she spoke, she felt the energy run through her body, ready to perform a spell. "And then you focus on what you want to do, what you know you can do. Only you know what you can and cannot do. And then, when you are ready, you release." From both of Winter's sides, sparkling blue wings erupted, filled with magic and light. Kielo could not see, but perhaps she would feel the magic that shimmered in the air.

"It should be the same for this. And what you focus on, at least what I think, is taking off a piece of your gem. Just a small bit. Hopefully it shouldn't hurt." At least, she hoped it didn't. She wouldn't forgive herself if the spell at all hurt Kielo.

"And still I feel I said too much."
"My silence is my self defense."

Tags: @Kielo
Notes:

Kielo felt their heart swell with warmth and pride as Winter's own feelings were expressed. That wasn't the only thing, though; there was relief too. The blind one visibly relaxed as she shed the worry in her voice. "That sounds wonderful," they crooned, like a happy little songbird. "So, we'll leave them here? And then, when we come back, then they'll hatch? Do you think they'll really be okay here, on their own?"

Kielo settled down as Winter began to explain the fundamentals of magic. Their gaze flickered momentarily with doubt, but they focused on their gem, blind eyes staring blankly into nothingness. They reached into themselves, trying to trigger... something. They searched for the source of the instincts that each of them felt. their feelings, their love...

And found something... a warmth within them. Energy and power, so close and yet so far. It was almost like a dream. "I think I've got it..." they murmured softly, and tried to release the magic. But, it seemed they'd underestimated themselves. Kielo gave a sharp gasp as a shock of power like an electric shock shot through them, manifesting as a momentary flash of light externally. It consumed every ounce of magical energy they thought they had, and their heart began to pound ceaselessly, but not in a good way.

Kielo started to panic, gasping for air, fear surging through them and exhaustion coursing through their limbs. they stared at nothing with eyes that were watery and wide, stood frozen with fear- and then, the energy to even do that left them, and they crumpled to the ground, still gasping and shaking with anxiety. And it was all for nothing.

Tears bubbled in their eyes.

"I'm sorry, Winter!" they wept. "I can't do it..."

_________________________________________________________

"Speech looks like this."
Thoughts look like this.

tags: @Winter
notes: here

Winter watched with elation as Kielo began to focus. At her words, she stood up tall and watched with excitement as Kielo began to release a spell. But there was only a flash of light before they exploded into tears and crumpled to the ground.

For a moment, Winter just stood there, slightly shocked, but then she raced to Kielo's side, fear coursing through her. What happened? Were they hurt? Her tongue flicked out, trying to detect anything bad, but there was nothing. "Are you okay, Kielo? What happened? There was a flash of light...I don't know if that was what you meant to do or not..."

She pushed her nose into Kielo's fur. "No, no, I know you can do it, but if you'd like to stop for now we can. You don't have to be sorry. I didn't get it right the first time either."

"And still I feel I said too much."
"My silence is my self defense."

Tags: @Kielo
Notes:

Kielo was comforted by the sound of Winter's voice, and their sobbing gradually subsided into mere sniffles. As they regained their breath, feeling somewhat lightheaded and woozy, they slowly pushed themselves into a sitting position. "I... don't know..." they murmured, mystified. "I found what I was looking for... the energy, that is. But then it all came out, and there was like... a shock, and suddenly I was exhausted. It was scary."

Taking in a deep breath of air, they steeled themselves for another go and slowly shook their head. "I don't think I like magic very much," they said sadly. "But I wanna do this. For you."

Kielo sucked in another breath and then held it in, closing their eyes in deep concentration. This time they wanted to try something different. the thought of the same thing happening terrified them, but maybe if they just focused on their gem, then it would be better. and they had to be strong. For Winter. The thought gave them the courage to reach for the volatile magic again, like they were trying to handle a fragile bubble or a dangerous spider.

They breathed, long and deep, and the failure came easier this time, but it was still a failure. Letting out their breath in a low winter, they pressed their ears against their skull and feathers flat against their back. "I c-can't do it, Winter. I really can't."

_________________________________________________________

"Speech looks like this."
Thoughts look like this.

tags: @Winter
notes: here

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