ORIGIN

Blackberry walked alongside her mate, deep in thought, just as the moose was. About everything. About what had happened between them, with their children, the fights, the talks, and the time they didn't have to themselves. This must have been the first time since having their children that the two of them had spent some time alone.

She looked up at Blueberry, realizing exactly how much taller he was over her. She remembered the day they had first met - after she had fought Winter and had been paralyzed. He was a little runt back then, lanky with no antlers and a fuzzy, light brown coat. Now he was a beast, towering high above her, his eyes glimmering with many things, so many things, just as hers did.

She had gotten better since her time in the chrysalis. She wondered if Blueberry was too. They both had suffered then and they both had been by each others' sides. Had things gotten better?

"Blueberry," she murmured. "We haven't talked for a cycle. How are you taking all this? Being a father? And...how are you?" Her voice was uncommonly gentle, as it was only when Blueberry was by her side.

Blackberry nodded with agreement. Parenting was difficult, especially with the group that they had taken the lead of. Especially Huckleberry, who get never stay in one place for a few seconds, both physically and in their mind. Raising them was difficult.

Blackberry remembered her time fighting the white stag. Or, at least, before. It was as if something else had risen inside of her. Distracted as she was by her family, she had not thought about it. But in times alone, when there was nothing but the world, she felt it crawling within her. Anger and hatred, the will to destroy. And sometimes that scared her. But she wasn't sure if she wanted to voice that to Blue just yet. "I've been okay. Parenting has been...more then I had dreamed. All of our children are strong, whether we created them or not. Inside and outside of battle." A flash of doubt crossed her eyes as she thought of Elderberry. Her son that she barely knew, that barely talked. A quiet little thing that seemed so small, so strange. She wanted him to grow up good with his siblings...but she didn't know how.

"It has been a long time since I changed, hasn't it? Or, at least, it feels like a long time. I almost feel as if battles are behind me, even though I know there are more ahead. Like there's something more important then revenge and killing." With a wing, she touched the necklace at her chest. "Sometimes I wonder if I should give it up and just raise my family. But then...I can't forget their faces. All of them." her voice began to grow cold and dark as she spoke of Hell. "And the family suddenly seems less important. That nothing more is as important as extracting my revenge."

Blackberry considered what Blueberry was saying to her. Strong? Yes, she always thought of herself as strong. From the moment she hatched to this very day. She had always been strong. But things were different now. Was it strength of will? Or strength of body? Or strength of mind? She was different now, much different. But as Blueberry commented on her anger, she shook her head. "No, no, you are wrong. I feel...always angry. And when there's nothing but myself, all that fills me is anger and fury and the need to rip and tear and kill. Even if I have never seen them, even if they never did anything to me. I want to destroy them. Because it is fun. Is that strength? Is that right?" And this was something that she legitimately wondered - was it wrong to attack on instinct? Was it okay to pick fights when she felt like it? Was it wrong to kill?

It started to spill out then. "Sometimes it feels like there's two of me. The old Blackberry is still there - an angry and entitled thing, but not a killer at all. And then there's this new Blackberry that loves her family. And then there's just...anger. Hatred. It comes out of me. It takes over and I let it do that." She did not say these things as if she was worried about them, but merely confused. As though she was being torn. "I want to be able to control myself. But how? Is that something I should want?"

Blackberry continued to walk and listen, interested in what Blueberry had to say. She chuckled a little bit, remembering the first time she had met the young moose. She had been gravely wounded and a tiny little bouncing thing had offered her assistance. "Yes, I remember. You were naive and silly and very enthusiastic." But she felt a strange emptiness inside, as if she wished she could have had that too. But she hadn't. She had always been this: a bully and a maniac. Did she regret never having that childish side?

Blueberry's thought of trying to get her to control herself prickled at her feathers for some reason. As if she was reverting back to the one needing help, not the one that was in control. It irked her and she, for a moment, considered hissing at Blueberry. But she stopped herself. Was that control? Perhaps the first step?

But then his suggestion to perhaps make friends stopped her in her tracks. The idea was so wild, so unimaginable, that it took her a few moments to fully comprehend what Blueberry was suggesting to her. She widened her eyes, a flash of fury passing through for a moment as it heated her skin, but then she burst out laughing, her scratching honk almost like a cough. "Make friends? With me?! And you think you were naive before! No, Blueberry, our children do not need such protection. We are raising them to be like us! Strong and merciless! How old are they now, nearly 3 cycles? By the time I was their age, I had already been in five fights! I defeated a wolf when I was a baby and a snake and a cougar not long after! And a lion, Blueberry, we defeated a fully grown lion! You underestimate our children. They are strong. They are like us. They do not need the protection you think. We will avenge every wound on their skin. We will destroy any enemy that tries to take them from use, but we will not make friends on their behalf. No, that is something I will never do."