ORIGIN

She'd been on her own for a little while. After leaving Cancer and the little lion cub in the other tunnel she decided to go off on her own. She needed to get her head straight and stop feeling so sorry for herself. How would she do that? By being on her own, doing a few things for herself and then she would go looking for Leon. With her head all mixed up like this she was no use to anyone. Especially not Leon.

First thing was first she decided to craft herself a few things. She'd seen the cub with a few items and even Cancer had some and if she was going to be on her own then she needed her own items too. She'd found a few scraps of cloth and things to fashion items out of but she had only thrown them across her back for later. Now that she was in this room on her own then she would be just fine to fashion something. Now, she sat down by two pools, put the straps in front of her and began to work. She would work on this first then do some therapy work on herself.

The lion cub had shown her how to draw her memories and it had helped her to realize things... perhaps drawing and writing were just what was needed.

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The pieces came together, woven into each other and working to form a little pouch that could be thrown across her shoulder as a bag. First thing was first, she stored the rock the other lion cub gave her so she wouldn't lose it. She'd said she would record a nice memory for him when she got the chance and she intended to keep that promise. So, in it went.

Next the lioness looked around. Mud made tracks made prints but what about other things? Surely there must be an easier way to draw than with carving things out of rock. The male she'd talked to had earth powers but she did not. Scratching was fine for her but what about when others without claws needed to write a message or draw? What did they use? Nothing. It was high time she found an alternative source of writing for her and for others.

The lioness went to a bush and picked a few berries. If mud could leave tracks then what about berries? They stained things, she'd seen it before. Which lead her to take a few and smush them against a rock. However, this result left her with no way to collect all the juice since it started running off.

Hmmm.... What could she do now?

Quite by accident she saw a rock with a little indent in the top. Possibly worn away by the nearby water but she took this as her chance to collect more berries and smush them into the indent. This time the juice didn't run away. After picking a large fern leaf the lioness sat down next to the stone, extended one claw into the die and began to write. It worked perfectly. The lioness felt a small amount of joy within her. Now... to catalog her thoughts.

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What should she write?

All at once her thoughts pooled from the previous few days. All of the drama, all of the sadness. Perhaps she should just take those notes down and get her emotions all out on paper. The lioness had never been a particularly prolific writer and had never really done so, only read what Cancer had done. However, once she started she realized how easily the language came to her. So, that's what she did. With her primitive writing technique of dabbing her claw into the berry dye and writing with it she took down what had happened over the last few days. Feeling every bit of emotion as she did so. Once or twice she could feel tears in her eyes when she wrote of Leon and how he'd left her... told her to "go away"... He'd never said that to her before and it still stung.

Perhaps... Perhaps Leon didn't want to be found. Perhaps she should just leave him alone. Wasn't she out here alone for soul searching? Perhaps Leon wanted the same thing and now she could understand it. Well, part of his could be soul searching and the other half could be avoidance of her and of the leopard but she didn't want to think of that.

Next she started cataloging other events that had nothing to do with Leon such as the incident at the spire where Deus had been killed, when Fisher had fell into the water, and how Carrie had had to get her leg amputated. Events that she was she was sure could have been avoided if they weren't for her. After she finished documenting the lioness stared at all of the words. Studying them... reliving them...

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It hurt her to remember everything in such vivid detail. All she had wanted to do was help but she'd ended up hurting everyone instead. That or she would sit on the sidelines and wait until the conflict had passed before saying anything like with Truth or Dare with Leon. Why could she never act on anything or only give bad advice? Why, the other lion cub that was a cycle younger than her was already full of worldly advice. Why couldn't she be like that instead of giving wrong advice? She'd like to help her friends. Tell them what they should do without it backfiring or in the rare instance when she did give good advice she needed to speak up. Be more confident in her words so she wasn't overlooked...

But she couldn't...

"Perhaps I'm just a stupid coward..." Yeah. That seemed about right... but she didn't like to be a stupid coward. She wanted to be more! She wanted to be someone her friends could turn to when they needed her most. She just wasn't there yet. Maybe one day she would be but for now until she stopped screwing up she wouldn't.

With a sigh she stared down at the fern leaves, deciding they would be no more help. They just upset her for the moment. So she rolled them up and stuck them in the bag too.

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The lioness sighed as she stared at her reflection in the pool. Older still and still growing, spots pretty much invisible. Sad blue eyes stared back at her in her reflection while a blue gem and flower sat on her right ear. What would she do now? Leave? No. She wasn't ready to leave yet. Her emotions were still clogged up in the pit of her stomach. It was then, during this emotional confusion within her that she felt in her heart a song. One growing and growing within her.

Her tail tapped to the rhythm in her head while she let the words come to her... Then she started to sing. Her voice was low at first,

"
Step by step
Heart to heart
Left, right, left
We all fall down
Like toy soldiers
"

Then her voice grew, swelling with the emotion in her heart.

"
It wasn't my intention to mislead you
It never should have been this way
What can I say
It's true, I did extend the invitation
I never knew how long you'd stay
"

She stood and walked away from the ponds. Sadness in her heart but emotion causing her to feel much more than she had before. Her song began...

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Just like always the words came to her easily. Making their way into her very soul to give her the emotion to sing her songs with power and feeling and to sense the very meaning of the words. She didn't know where the words came from but they always fit the situation at hand. As she walked away from the ponder her words kept coming and she belted out her song with all of her heart.

"
When you hear temptation call
It's your heart that takes, takes the fall

Step by step
Heart to heart
Left, right, left
We all fall down
Like toy soldiers

Bit by bit
Torn apart
We never win
But the battle wages on
For toy soldiers
"

She paused at the Monarch, looking up at the tall thing. She remembered coming here with Leon and practicing. How he'd hurt her accidentally. How he'd blamed himself for scarring her... To her it was both of their faults and she would always think that way. His fire magic was dangerous and she knew it just as well as he did. A lesson was learned that day. A lesson had been learned with all of her bad experiences. Had she not told someone that before? Perhaps she should take those lessons to heart herself.

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She moved on from the Monarch now, and went back towards the pools where her ink still sat. Still, the song swelled in her heart and wouldn't leave her alone. It was time to finish it, time to let everything out. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes as she lifted her voice, forgetting herself in the moment and allowing the song to take over her entire body. She didn't care how she sounded, only that she was singing for the love of it and how it made her feel on the inside.

"
It's getting hard to wake up in the morning
My head is spinning constantly
How can it be?
How could I be so blind to this addiction?
If I don't stop, the next one's gonna be me

Only emptiness remains
It replaces all, all the pain

Step by step
Heart to heart
Left, right, left
We all fall down
Like toy soldiers

Bit by bit
Torn apart
We never win
But the battle wages on
For toy soldiers
"

Like toy soldiers... that's what they all were. Fighting each other constantly. One person trying to outdo the other or fighting for dominance. What was the point? You all lost in the end anyhow if all you did was fight and try to hurt one another. It was pointless... Like Leon and Cancer. Couldn't they just accept things as they were? Why did Cancer have to taunt Leon? It wasn't fair...

It wasn't fair.

Her ears perked.

It wasn't fair at all that Cancer constantly taunted Leon. It wasn't fair that Leon tried to argue with Cancer. It wasn't fair that she blamed herself for every little thing that went on. She was only mortal and she didn't know the outcomes of things. Still... The lioness didn't like to give herself an easy write off but it was good progress that made her feel a little better about herself. She wasn't ready to return though... not yet.

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With the song still ringing in her heart she grabbed another fern leaf. Pulling it from its stem with ease. Then she sat next to the pools again and prepared to write but this time she wanted to try something different. She cast around for a moment and found a leaf the lioness didn't pick it up with her paw to write, no that would be too difficult with her clumsy toes, instead she focused her mind on it. The lioness picked the leaf up with her arcane abilities and then dabbed it into the berry dye.

With ease she used her mind to transcribe the song from her heart onto the leaf. From now on this is what she would do with songs so others could see them... Perhaps others would want to sing the songs. While she wrote, instead of just doing the words straightforward she added different symbols next to them and extra vowels to indicate what the notes would do while they were being song. After a few minutes it was done and she had a new song that she titled "Toy Soldiers" at the top.

Afterwards she dropped the leaf onto the ground and picked the rock up delicately with her teeth so as not to drop it. Then she carefully folded the fern up and put it inside of her satchel. Now she was ready to move on. Where, she didn't know, just wherever her paws decided to take her.

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