Wilder wasn't sure what she expected from Blackberry. She certainly expected no comfort, no love, but apparently the goose was ready to turn those expectations on their head. She flinched when the feathers touched her and was still as she was pulled close. The warmth of Blackberry was against her side and she glanced up at the bird. She had an expression of awkwardness and didn't look in her eyes. But Wilder could feel it in her body language and the way she pressed up against her.
She blinked. She'd never had a mother before. She knew very few that had even had parents. Black, she guessed, was the only thing close to a father figure, but she had not seen him in some time. She shifted and tried to think about what to say.
It was a question she had been avoiding for a long time. She didn't want to think about it, she didn't want to revisit everything she had done. She had loved her family, once. Truly, she did. And her own hatred, her anger, it had completely destroyed them. She shivered as she looked down at Wilder, her gaze more gentle then it had been in a long, long time.
Wilder was here now. Perhaps...perhaps this was the time for her to let go of her hatred and pride. She hadn't met someone like Wilder before and found herself ready to finally open up and talk. She hadn't ever...not since Blueberry. And it had taken a long time for her to even open up to him. But now she was a different creature, broken by her own choices.
At Wilder's silent nod of her head, Blackberry took a deep breath and began.
She trembled, remembering the fight she had had with Huckleberry. That, perhaps, was the beginning of the end. She had abused him relentlessly.
Her emotions were building as she faced things she had never thought to face before. She thought about what she had done, she let herself question why, why had she done those terrible things? To be a good mother? No, no mother in her right mind would take away her son's own daughter and raise her as her own. To be a force of terror? That sounded more like it.
Wilder listened to Blackberry's tale, trying to put herself in the goose's place. She wouldn't have done the same, no, but Blackberry was not like her. At least, not when she was younger. She had been everything Wilder had been told - violent, abusive, insane, and a murderer. It scared her a bit, but Blackberry's grief at these thoughts, it made her think that, perhaps, that time was over. She was tormented by what she had done. She hated herself for everything that had happened.
She rested her head against Blackberry's side, not minding the slightly prickly texture of the feathers on her wings.
The one thing she took away from the story, though, was that Blueberry was truly the one and only she loved with all of her heart. She had heard of Blueberry too, but his own murderous tendencies were not as well-known as his mate's.
Why was Wilder still here? Why did she still persist after everything Blackberry was saying? How could she still have any scrap of pity or hope for her? She didn't understand. Nobody else showed any such sympathy. Anybody that knew her, outside of her family at least, wanted her dead.
She didn't blame them.
She swallowed, trying to force down the lump that was forming in her throat.
She pushed further past the welling despair. Keep talking. If she kept talking then she could not bottle it up anymore.
She could no longer continued, lifting the wing that Wilder wasn't pressing against and shoved her head beneath it, the tears now freely falling from her eyes as her body was wracked with sobs. It was all her fault. If she hadn't...if she had been reasonable, if she was any kind of mother, she wouldn't have gone! None of them would have! But now the family was destroyed because of her.
Wilder pressed closer to the goose as she began to cry. She'd heard of the Eridanus fight. The story was all over the caves now - the Bloodberries had attacked and one of them had been killed. Before she had brushed it off as something that happened but now, seeing how devastated Blackberry was because of it, she understood the true horror of the fight. For the first time, she felt her emotions conflict.
Perhaps before this conversation, Wilder would have seen the Bloodberries as evil. She had met Rift before and she knew Pride. They had both fought against the berries and had lost many friends to the chrysalis. She would have been on their side 100%.
But now, with Blackberry testimony, her opinion was split. Yes, the Bloodberries had done a terrible, horrible thing, but they were a family and Wilder thought that, no matter what a person did, they did not deserve to die. Death was permanent. No option for change, no option for recovery. For a mother to watch her own son to die...
It wasn't the same, but she tried to imagine how she would feel if she watched Aure die. Just the thought of him being sucked into a black hole of nothing, his body torn apart, it brought tears to her eyes. No, nobody deserved that.
She pressed herself harder against Blackberry, hating that she had to ask but she was too curious to let the question go.
Blackberry didn't answer Wilder right away, finally letting herself go and crying into her feathers as she mourned her son. She mourned her family, wherever they were, and the life they used to have, however terrible it was. She could still remember the times when they rested together, talked together, hunted together as a family. She missed that with all her heart. Not the fighting or killing, just the enjoyment of each others' company.
Finally she sniffled and raised her head, her eyes staring blankly away from the cat, once again not meeting her gaze as a hollow pit formed at the thought of Blueberry.
The sudden ferocity in Blackberry's voice, the hatred and anger that filled her entire form frightened Wilder. Was this what she was like before the fight? When she was younger and vengeful? Was this the true Blackberry underneath it all? Without really thinking, she gave Blackberry a reassuring lick.
And that was when she reached her decision. Her ears perked up and she nudged Blackberry with her nose to get her attention again.
Blackberry turned as Wilder nudged the side of her and her sobbing was cut off, replaced by shock and disbelief at the kitten's announcement.
But...if she was being honest, if she was going to go and find Blueberry, Blackberry, well, she was at a loss for words. She would have gone to find him herself if her very presence would have brought down the wrath of the caves upon her. Also, she hadn't had the drive. But now, as Wilder gave her that tiny spark of hope, just a glimmer of possibility that she would see her beloved again, she felt herself come back to life.
Wilder stood up and hopped in front of Blackberry.
She reached forward and tapped her foot on the ground. In front of Blackberry, a large banana popped into existence, sparkling happily.
Blackberry couldn't help but let out a small laugh when the banana appeared in front of her. How long had it been since she had seen that spell in action? She didn't hesitate now, pulling it towards her, realizing how hungry she was. She hadn't eaten, after all, in a while and even then it was barely enough to keep herself alive.
As an answer to Wilder's question, another banana suddenly appeared, although it was considerably smaller then Wilder's.