ORIGIN

Wilder had told herself that she wasn't going to come back to Polaris, at least not like this. Only come back for her little home, not for the Spire or for magic. Yet here she was, standing at the base of the crystal, and looking at it evenly. Since her conversation with Aure, she'd spent a lot of time meditating. Or sleeping, as it sometimes turned into. She felt like she had at least better control over herself. Plus, she had cycles to harden herself against the Spire's influence. She could look at it now, although she didn't get super close, mainly out of fear that it would zap her again.

She simply sat there, staring at it, as if waiting for something to happen. It didn't take her long, though, to grow impatient, standing and pacing in front of it, waiting for something, anything to happen. Why was she here again? To get some answers? To find "the cure"? She promised Aure she would find a way to stop it. But what good was this, just standing, staring at a crystal?

Well, it did one thing for her. Staring up at the Spire made her realize that it wasn't as bad as it had seemed to her before. Fear had made it seem terrible to her, like it was a great monster of magic that crackled and zapped anyone who came close. Granted, it was still a little scary to look up and see such a thick layer of magic, but it, well, it didn't seem like an evil thing. Or even that bad a thing.

"Hey," she chirped, as if the Spire would even answer her. She still just waited. "Hey!" she called out, a little louder, but without any magicka to back her up, the Spire stayed still and relatively boring.

She frowned and stood. "I want to know what's up! Come on, answer me!" As if it would. She wanted to reach forward and touch its mind, if it had anything like that, or at least try to see through past its magic, but she had promised Aure that she wouldn't do any of the sort. She promised she wouldn't use such a powerful spell.

With nothing really better to do, she glanced to her side and picked up some pebbles with her mind, tossing them at the Spire's surface. She continued doing this, tossing pebbles at the Spire, more of a childish tantrum then anything else.

Wilder whipped around as she heard a familiar voice. Her ears perked as the giant spider came crawling up next to her. For a second she forgot her problems as a smile broke across her face. "Oh! Hi, Thothaga!" She got to her feet as the spider got closer and ceased her pebble tossing when she saw the mandibles waving.

She blinked slowly, her ears pulling back a bit guiltily. "Uh, I'm...throwing rocks at the Spire. I'm okay, it's fine." But Thothaga's poke into her mind revealed that not everything was fine. In fact, Wilder was quite upset, more with herself and with magic itself then anything else. She couldn't remember things, people were scared of her. She'd been temporarily exiled from the Bonebound after a failed spell had sent her into a trance that had almost hurt Aure. She didn't know what was going on, all she remembered as the cause was the Spire because when she looked at it, she remembered a flash of light and an intense feeling spreading across her body. As she emerged from her chrysalis as a tiny kitten, magic lashed through her every nerve. And when she remembered that, she forgot everything else and time seemed to move without her being conscious and everyone stared at her as if she had lost her mind. But she hadn't, she was Wilder! She wanted to make people happy, not scared!

Wilder's eyes widened with surprised. Was it really that obvious? Did everyone know about her oddities? Had everyone come into contact with whatever the hell was hiding underneath her skin? She wondered if it had threatened Thothaga too. If she'd ever feared for her life, even if for a moment. But, perhaps, if she had, she would not be trying to get her to talk about it. She glanced back at the Spire, deciding whether she should talk about it. It's good to talk like this. Bottling it up is what killed my father, almost my brother. Perhaps Aure was right...talking would make it better.

She decided a moment later. "When I hatched, I hatched right...there." she raised a paw and pointed at the approximate location. Or, well, she thought it was. It looked like it. "The first thing I remember is the Spire hitting me with magic. I don't remember what happened, but the next thing I knew a big dog called Black was caring for me. Every so often I seem to...phase out and go weird. Sometimes its just for a minute, sometimes for an hour. Sometimes..." here she shivered, trying not to think too hard about the event, but she couldn't continue. The memory, the voice, the pain in her leg that suddenly felt real, it was making her dizzy. It was all making her dizzy and her ears clamped down on the side of her head and she closed her eyes, trying to focus. Focus on breathing. In and out, remember how many breaths she took. One...two...three...four.....don't forget. Stay in control.

She was barely listening. She could hear Thothaga's words and they processed and stored but she didn't listen. She needed to focus. Stay in control. The Spire was so close. The crackling was deep in her ears but she'd practiced. She could do this. She was better.

It only took a moment for her to regain her composure. Her eyes blinked open, steady, calm, still shining. The dizziness was fading and her limbs, which had been tight and clamped a moment before, visibly relaxed. "Sorry. I'm okay." I'm okay. She was actually quite proud of herself for being able to do that! So close to the Spire, thinking about what had happened and here she was, perfectly fine! She stood up a little taller, looking very proud indeed! "I was going off a little there, but I'm good! I can control it now!"

Sure she could.

She thought for a moment, wondering if she'd ever met a horse that carried death, but not image or name came to mind. "Forced into the Spire? How did that happen? I thought it was solid." It certainly looked like a crystal, after all, with just some crazy magic surrounding it. The other name, also, she could not place. "Astraea? Who's that?"

This was all very complicated and confusing. Perhaps she shouldn't have expected any easy answers to her questions, but this was almost a step too far. She hadn't heard of Astraea, nor had she seen him, but at the mention of him being a 'Master', she instantly distrusted him - Dragon had, after all, told her to never trust the Masters. "If he looks after us then why have I never seen him?" And why did he not save Blackberry when she was being tortured? Why did he not save the victims of her murder? No, she very much doubted that Astraea cared much for them at all.

She wasn't concerned with him. It was the Spire she needed to speak to. There was something there...someone. There had to be. She did not know who He was, if it was the Spire or if it was some other entity. And she did not know if the one that had whispered in her ear and cracked the ground was of the Spire, if it was Him, or something else entirely.

It was a bad idea, but she'd become reckless. The kitten didn't respond to the spider, instead stepping up closer to the Spire, even though the concentrated magicka began to fill her ears with a humming noise that was difficult to ignore. She hesitated for a moment...and then reached forward, touching a paw to the crystal and reaching forward with her mind. Every second the humming grew louder and she was finding it more and more difficult to stay in control, stay conscious, but she went on, anyways, reaching for any conscious she could find.