ORIGIN

She hadn't minded the weather at first, perhaps because she thought it was normal since she had not known much else before the rains and thunder began to drench her. Angry, mayhaps, since she was constantly wet, her fur stuck down to her and was heavy, the rain was cold and she could no longer stop herself from shivering. Not even when she went hunting, or running. The shivering was everywhere now, it had captured her, cradled her in its cacoon and would not release its hold. Gathered in its crooked hands was fatigue, and it fed this piece of it to her every time she woke, letting the gift it held seep into her bones and settle there. Every movement seemed to sap her energy stores, it did not help that the young pup barely ate in the first place, her hunting skills not yet mastered, and now it was if the desire to hunt was no longer there for she was no longer hungry, she didn't even try to enjoy the thrill of the hunt. Yet, the girl carried on with her days, she was sleeping more because she was lazy as pups are, she was getting thinner to the point where, if you looked close enough, you could begin to see slight points of her hips hidden beneath the fur yet when she found herself looking at her body in the water she would grin: looking perfect as usual.

She was loving life. She had found comfortable land where her naps could be taken peacefully, although she always left with mud stuck to her underside and feeling the soft, wet floor squelch under her toes. She didn't mind it though, sometimes, when she was actually awake, she had found herself rolling around, spinning down down down the hills and then running up to do it all again, although most of the time she could only get through one round before wanting to go back to sleep; who wouldn't want to sleep? Since coming out of Fornax she had done a little bit of exploring but by the time she had found Pisces she didn't want to go anywhere else, finding a hill and lying atop it and barely moving. That was the life.

The pup was sleeping now, fitfully, ears twitching and small whimpers escaping from her mouth, but the Fornax Things huddled close to her - her body curled carefully around her small hoard - were of some comfort. Whenever she woke it was with a smile as her crimson eyes landed on these beautiful flower stones.

---

Something in her mind snapped. She awoke with a fist clenching her heart, squeezing tighter and tighter until she could barely breathe. Everything was dark. Black. Pain. Her breath was ragged, claws tearing at her throat, a gnarled fist trying to tear its way through. She couldn't move, frozen and lifeless. A resounding crash, burrowing into her marrow and screaming against her bones. Something had shattered. Left broken and uncontained all around her. The walls were caving in, falling down upon themselves. She could see it now, the roof was crumbling, debris scattered, everything was dark apart from the crashing and shattering of the stones, trapping, suffocating, dust was rising, to billow around her.

'Mother', 'Mother', 'MOTHER!' It was all around her. At first a whisper, she hadn't really heard anything. Then it was coming at her out of the darkness, the words ricocheting. Strong and loud the panicked screams pushed against her, a physical weight. 'MOTHER!' Crying, scared. Was it her? She couldn't feel her mouth. Couldn't feel her body. Was she screaming? There was nothing around her other than the hoarse cry. Was she screaming? She was lost. Was she screaming? She was broken. Everything was broken. Everything was crumbling and shattering. 'MOTHER!'

Where was it coming from? Everywhere. I'll find you. Where are you.

Where are you? The answer was lost in the cries, in the shattering rock, then it was there. A whisper on the winds. A flutter of wings. She tried to run towards it but her legs wouldn't work. It wasn't fluttering now: battering, desperate, hopeless. Run, run, run. She was trapped. Everything was trapped. Her body was pressed against something cold and hard, digging into her paws, her stomach, her head. Caged. Caged and trapped.

I'm not alone. Never alone. Never alone. Never alone.

Piercing and as cold as her cage. They were staring at her. She couldn't see herself. Were they staring at her? Enemies. Enemies, every single one of them. They didn't help, didn't move closer, didn't move. Just staring. Staring. Staring. Go away! Help me! Please! Please! Please! The words wouldn't come. A strangled silence. Choking on her own voice. They were laughing at her. She could see it in their eyes. Their eyes. She could see their eyes. Just their eyes.

'MOTHER!'

---

The last 'mother' was caught off by her scream. That piercing scream. It filled her head, her heart, her whole body. She was nothing but her own scream. She had rolled on top of the Fornax Things, they were digging into her. Sharp edges. Cruel beauty. Everything was still black, her eyes clenched shut, the eyes. They were still there, staring at her. The scream was everlasting. All around her wisps started to appear, circling her screaming body in a frenzy. Half a dozen blue fires coming to life. Circling her faster, faster, faster.

The flickering wisps surrounding her form gave off little light when she eventually opened her eyes and evened her breath, for it was not dark. They had become a form of companionship. She desired them more and more often, it was as if in the girl's mind she could whisper secrets to the Blue-Flame and they would hold them for ever after, sometimes she would ask the wisps to keep watch over her little stash of Fornax Things and it would make her feel that much calmer, they were safer.

She hadn't felt asleep, her mind just as awake now as it was a few minutes ago, but it hadn't felt like a memory either, she would know if it was a memory. Wouldn't she? She felt exhausted and angry and pained. Ever so angry. Why was she angry? No. That wasn't right, she had her Things, they were safe, there was no need to be angry. Adelaide had sat up on tired limbs, the chilling air of Pisces feeling a little more like pin pricks of heat against her skin. But it was fine, she had her Things. A smile had beaten itself out of her, corned on her lips as she sat protectively over the clusters, her muzzle leaning down to nuzzle against them as if they were alive. Her children. Sweet, beautiful, perfect.

Then her paw was doing the same, hovering over each one, stroking them in turn. Soft yet hard all as one under her paws. Stamp. Her paw came down hard on an outer one before she could even think. So much anger and pain. Then sorrow, remorse and guilt filling the pup to the brim. She was cradling the one she had stamped on in a second, whimpering, trying to whisper to it inside of her mouth. It was okay. She was sorry. She didn't mean it.

Her head tipped back. Thrown forward. Mouth opening. Letting the small Thing that was in her mouth go towards the rock wall with as much as her small might behind it as she could muster in her weakened state. That wasn't right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. her paws were flying towards where it was going to drop in an instant, read to catch it and cradle it again.

She was frantic, it took little time for her to reach the fallen cluster. It was little worry that her breath was coming out in short, fragmented gasps, unable to hold on to the oxygen in her lungs, a lot more winded than a small pup should have been after such a distance, but she was there. It didn't matter. It was safe now. As safe as it could have been around her, why had she done it? She could barely remember standing up and throwing it, she hadn't done it, surely. But the evidence was right in front of her awkward body, the cluster was broken, she could see inside of it. This wasn't good. No no no. For a moment she didn't know what to do, everything was fuzzy, she didn't seem herself, her mind wasn't completely her own - of course it was - and everything was so hot and cold, and her head hurt and her muscles ached.

Once calmed down she actually looked at it, after having bent down slightly to pick up the larger piece she had stopped and let her eyes roam around it. It was odd, that was certain, and she had to hold her breath because that scent was alive again, clinging to her throat - no, it was perfect - wanting her to gag. It was darker on the inside, a bunch of confusion, she didn't know what she was looking at, whatever it was it could wait a few seconds. She had to get back to the others. Quick. Her mouth snatched around the larger piece, for only a small bit had broken off, and her legs peddled her back to her hoard on the hill. She gagged with it in her mouth, the rotten small strong, and almost dropped it but was quick to hold it tighter. Even if her stomach was begging to come up out of her mouth. She dropped it down with the others then had to turn away to get some fresh air, they were beautiful and perfect why was she reacting so terribly? Apologies started streaming out of her mouth for being so insensitive towards them all, but they had caught her attention now. There was something inside of it, wound together, looking odder in some places. She was still somewhat small, although so were these Things, but she had to try. Her claws attempted to dig into the cluster and pull at the string like inside, although she was trying to be gentle with it. She didn't want to harm it but she was just so curious.

Her breath was still head, she had to turn away every few seconds to gasp in something fresh, then she would turn back and continue.

Stop! Each tearing of the cluster was a fresh slap to the face, burning her mind and destroying her heart. How could she, how could she, how could she. Heart rate reflected in her vision, a pounding at the corners of her eyes, restricting her clear sight to just that broken Thing; everything a blur around it. Her form had solidified, hovering above it with that manic look in her eyes and a defeated pose, a forgotten paw hung in the air with shards of her heart and the body of the Thing in its grasp. She had betrayed it over and over again, how could she have let herself. Her curiosity was a poison. Soaked deep into her skin and she didn't know if she could ever be free of it, yet it was no excuse. She had hurt it, thrown it, cracked it, now tore at it. Was there a way to repay the Thing - for which she still did not know what to call any of the clusters and had not spoken to any of the others that she had seen in Fornax - or would she forever live with the torment she had caused it?

"It's okay." As usual, her favourite trick and perhaps the clusters would like it too, her mind reached out with the words, spreading them like a nest of comfort around the hoard of clusters, letting the words spill over and under them. The softest and kindest her voice had eevr been for she loved them, she was just terrible at showing it. "I love you." The end of her cacoon, the last twig to their nest, encompassing her clusters with her voice. Then, without even a glance at her paw for at that moment she hated herself for what she had done, she brought the torn filaments to her mouth and let them rest upon her tongue and down her throat. The clusters were apart of her, they had been as soon as she had found them, a part of her soul and now she wanted them to be a part of her body.

She couldn't breathe, the filaments on her tongue were coating it in something she couldn't even describe, thick and powerful and leaving her stood over the clusters dry heaving. One hadn't even reached its way down her throat yet the same sensation filled her from the inside out as if every part of her had been dipped in a putrefied body and left there to stew. Her dry heaving wasn't helping, the filaments stuck to her tongue, she didn't know how much longer she could handle it. There was wordless screaming in her head, a pain incomparable to anything else had felt, her heart was being wrenched out of her chest. Oh, what had she done. Her paw was rubbing so hard at her tongue, tiny pieces of filament coming away, once she thought it was all off she started to stuff the filaments back into the cluster. She could barely think, her head was a mess, she was shaking so hard, everything hurt and was uncomfortable and she felt so wrong. She thought she was doing good this time, she was going to make the clusters a part of her. Did they not want that? Oh, what had she done.

The pup couldn't stand there any longer, her legs were shaking with the effort, she could hear water but did not have the energy to go over and drink from it and rid the horridness from her body. She deserved it anyway, this was her punishment. What had she learnt by hurting the things most precious to her? That they could be broken. That they had little thread-like things inside of them. That they could make her feel something so strongly. That they shouldn't be eaten under any circumstance. She still didn't know what they were or what they were for. She couldn't think about it now.

He body curled back around the clusters, her head dropping to lay atop them and her eyes closed. Maybe she could sleep away the wrongness, the rotten decay in her mouth. It's not like she could hurt the clusters anymore in her sleep.