ORIGIN

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M for undoubtedly foul language to follow.

So, Blackberry had been captured.

...Azure tried not to think of her as "mother."

She also tried not to think about her fear of the goose, embedded since she'd been a child. She tried not to think about how much that angered her, either. She tried not to think about how furious she was that growing up, her life had been a confused tangle of "not fitting in." Of wondering why she'd always felt off, and different. As it turned out, Blackberry and her ilk were the ones who were different--evil, really, when it came right down to it. There was a lot she didn't want to think about, really. And she was starting to realize that that was a big problem.

Azure was here because it might be her last chance to talk to the goose. To ask her questions, but over all of them, one that had bothered her, itched at her, for cycles: why.

Quietly, she picked her way through Eridanuss' jungle, to where she'd been told she'd find the cage. She had no idea what she'd find, and her heart hammered in her chest, racing near out of control, with fear at what it might be.

Mostly she expected raging: a saliva-spitting mad-eyed monster-bird, flapping violently at its cage bars. She'd never known Blackberry to be much different.

@Blackberry

Her head was resting under her wing, so she didn't see the hybrid approaching the cage. To be honest, she looked a lot better then she had just before her capture. She wasn't under-eating anymore, there weren't any strange wounds popping up over her body anymore, and after her talk with Kera...there just seemed to be more life to her. It was the first time she looked truly alive since Wilder had left her miserable little cave. Of course, more likely then not, the happiness would crash and die and she'd be left a shell once again.

For now, though, she seemed to have some interesting days to follow.

The sound alerted her to someone approaching and she curiously (and carefully, to not hurt her wing) lifted her head from underneath to see who it was.

At first, she didn't recognize them. After all, the last time she'd seem them, they didn't exactly have front legs. Or antlers. And she thought that they were dead.

She watched her approach with shock, suddenly at a loss for words. Out of all her children, Cloudberry had been the one she'd raised the most careful. It had still been brutal, and a terrible upbringing, but she'd always been sure to make sure that she was the one the hybrid saw as a parent instead of Huckleberry. She'd never told her...

"Cloudberry," she rasped, voice quivering faintly with emotion. "I'm so happy to see you. I thought you were dead."

@Azure

Azure stared.

Blackberry looked battered; there was no other word for it. She looked every bit the monster she had always been.

As Blackberry spoke, the hybrid came to a halt, still several paces from the cage--her gaze veiled with twin suspicion and uncertainty. It wasn't the reception she'd expected, that much was certain. And for a long moment, she was silent. Part of her wanted to accept this greeting, to admit feeling for family--but did she feel any? She stood, quiet, examining herself, searching for it.

She... didn't. She wanted to. She wanted to have had a family that she loved. But Blackberry had never been loving. She'd never expressed joy at seeing her before; why now? Azure wasn't suspicious of it--she just wondered what was going on. But that was tangled in with the pain, the confusion, the grief. And though she tried to control all that, she still answered without the kindness that Blackberry seemed to show. There was bitterness in it, though tightly reined-in, along with the residual resentment, the deep and thriving anger.

"No thanks to you," she said quietly, and immediately the old fear struck her. Speaking back to mother--even when she was behind the bars-... She took a breath and steeled herself, feathers trembling ever so slightly.

"I'm not here for you. I'm here for me. I came to ask you why--why you did all that shitty stuff to us. Why you were a terrible person. I don't want to talk to you--but it might be the last chance I get." This bit was partially-rehearsed--they were words she'd gone over a hundred times the last few days, in her head. What she would say to Blackberry; how she would say it; what she would ask. But then, on the heels of that, she blurted--"Did you ever care about us at all?"

It wasn't needy. It was, again, bitter--cobalt eyes narrowed, all that old hurt threatening to boil over and to spill.

@Blackberry

She looked like him. Like Huckleberry. Almost the same, really, but the colors were different, there were more wings, there were antlers, and she had a beak. But otherwise, the hooves, the claws, the tail...she was his son. Which meant she looked like Blueberry as well.

Few of the family inherited the antlers. Only Baneberry had and now Cloudberry had them as well. Just looking at them sent a shiver of memory down her spine, but she felt herself hold still. She wanted to seem even a little bit strong in front of her family. Now that she had hope and a reason to keep continuing on, at least. She wanted to do good by her children, even if just for a little while, even if it didn't undo the months of abuse. Whatever she could was about the extent of her abilities at the moment.

The chill in Cloudberry's voice and the words she spoke first deflated her, however. She had hoped that Cloudberry had went off to hide, to one day rejoin the family again but...this was not the case, apparently. It made sense, though, that many of the family were turning against her now that she no longer had the reigns. Only the most terrible, like Jayberry, bothered to stay loyal. The thought twisted her stomach.

She stayed silent and allowed Cloudberry to speak. To ask away. She felt hollow again, but she swallowed it down. She was proud, at least, that she had the courage to step up and speak to her. After all the cycles of hurting and yelling and being terrible, here she was, brave enough to stand up to her mother. Granted, Blackberry was in a cage and unable to hurt her properly even if she wanted to, but it was something.

She thought about it for a moment, wanting to give him a good answer but, as it was all the time, apparently, she couldn't. "I...I don't know. I wanted you to be strong, I know that at least, but its all a little hazy. I think that I thought if you experienced pain and hate, then you'd grow stronger off of it, just as I did. But...I was wrong. So wrong. And I'm sorry, Cloudberry. I know it won't change anything or fix anything but I'm sorry for everything."

Her eyes closed for a moment. She didn't want to cry right now, she'd done enough of that when Kera was here. "Of course I did," she responded, unable to keep a small crack from her tone. "I loved you more then anything. All of you. I still do and I would do anything to keep you safe from any more cruelty." She opened her eyes again and just stared at her through the thin branches of her cage. She reminded her so much of Blueberry, from the blue gem on his head, the antlers, the shape...for a moment she tried to image her without the aspects of bird, brown fur instead of blue and she could really see him there.

Her eyes closed shut again. "You look like your father," she whispered, barely audible.

@Azure

Had Azure been able to hear Blackberry's innermost thoughts, she might have reacted differently--lashed out, with venom; but she was no mind-reader. Instead she listened, and she felt a twist of grief, though it was somehow... calming.

Blackberry's answer seemed an honest one, if only because she appeared to be admitting mistakes. Still, there were things that snagged on her emotions, things that made her feathers ruffle, if only a little; the worst of them was Blackberry's explanation that "I thought if you experienced pain and hate, then you'd grow stronger off of it, just as I did."

"You weren't strong," Azure said softly. "You were mean." She paused, staring for a moment. It wasn't said with hatred--though she certainly felt that, deep down, for herself and Blackberry and everyone she'd grown up with. No; she said it as one might correct a kid who had done terrible things, without knowing any better. A quiet, simple lesson, matter-of-factly given.

For a moment she then stood there, dumb and silent, unsure what to say. At last she looked away, and spoke again, her voice very quiet. "I'm Azure, now. Cloudberry was fucking stupid. Everything-berry was stupid." ...A hell of a point to choose her rebellion on, really. She turned and gave Blackberry a resentful, defiant look--though again muted by long cycles of sorrow. She gathered herself, trying for maturity, for once, though she certainly hadn't been raised to show it. "I don't know if I can ever accept your apologies. But I'll think about them." As for the voice-cracking assurances that Blackberry had loved them-... "You should have shown us." Again, quietly-delivered, hushed with the depth of emotion that came with it.

The last thing, though; that piqued her interest. She lifted her beak a little, eyes narrowing again, but thoughtful this time--or worried. "My--father?" The way she said it, Azure was suddenly uncertain that she meant Huckleberry at all.

@Blackberry

The words seemed to stab at Blackberry, even though she knew, deep down, that she very much agreed with her. Murdering wasn't a sign of strength. Just a sadistic, insane hobby that she'd picked up. Still, in an almost childish way, Cloudberry's words hurt her. Even now, being called weak stung at her pride. She'd done what she had to, right? It didn't matter if it came across as mean, as long as her children were stronger in the end. But they weren't, were they? All they left with were scars and anger and hatred towards her. Towards the family she cared so much for.

Suddenly, she found herself unable to look her daughter in the eye, preferring instead to gaze at the claw-like feet in front of her. She was Azure now...better then Cloudberry, really. It suited her more. Blackberry nodded, a little absently. "Yeah. It made sense in the beginning but...looking back I wonder what the hell I was thinking." This was partially a lie - she named the first three "berry" because they were her and Blueberry's children. It made sense to her that the name would pass down. But the rest? Especially the ones she adopted, that had no blood ties to her or the moose? Ridiculous. "Azure suits you. It's a good name. I'm proud." The last bit came out before she could really stop it and she very much hoped that Azure wouldn't take offense.

Blackberry nodded again. "You don't have to accept them, but you have them anyways. I'm used to it at this point, though." She looked up again, focusing on the antlers this time when she failed to meet the hybrid's gaze again. "I know," she whispered. "You didn't deserve it. You deserved a better mother then me."

She tried to continue, but her voice caught in her throat. It hurt, even mentioning him. Thinking about him. She missed him so much, so much it hurt. "It didn't matter," she managed to say, voice hoarse with emotion, "who gave you life or stone. You were our children - mine and Blueberry's. He was good...so much better then me. You never met him but...he was kind and gentle and he showed his love to everyone in the family. You look like him now." Her voice cut out suddenly and she had to close her eyes again, focusing on her breathing. She didn't want to break down right now.

@Azure

Azure listened in silence. Some of Blackberry's words, more than her own--despite the fact she'd come to vent--drained the anger from her. It was cathartic, in a way. To hear her admit her fault, her wrongs.

She stood quiet, realizing she had nothing more to say. It wasn't that she was in a hurry to leave, it was just-... Well. What else was there? She didn't love Blackberry; she felt something, but she couldn't call it that. She'd said what she'd come to say, and her mother had answered. She was too bitter to react to Blackberry's comment on being proud of her--though it had done much to leech the hatred off.

That was... that, then.

Azure just stood there, then, with nothing to say further yet reluctant to just leave. Surely there was more to be said..? Surely this couldn't be the last conversation she ever held with her own mother? And what of this Blueberry thing, then? She'd thought she was the child of Huckleberry and Blackberry, somehow. She hadn't realized it for far too long, but her hooves had always been there, and the antlers-... She glanced back and down at herself. Blueberry and Blackberry, then-? Though-... and this applied to Huckleberry, as well, but where had all the blue come from? And why had she four wings, rather than the two? Just a--mutation from the two? Can that happen?

She eyed herself doubtfully over. "...Why am I blue?" she blurted, peering back--as much an excuse not to leave, just yet, as it was a genuine question. It was almost a demand, as if a normal conversational tone would admit that she wanted to stay. Which-... she didn't.

She just didn't want to leave, yet.

@Blackberry

Blackberry finally pulled herself to meet Azure in the eyes. She felt a wave of sorrow at the question she was asked and her stomach tightened painfully. Should she tell her? Was it a good idea to tell her about it? All of it? Or should she let her go on believing that she was her daughter, that the blue was a coincidence, a strange mutation?

...no, if she wanted to do better, then the lies had to go out. All of them. The petty ones, the big ones like this, she couldn't hold onto stuff like that.

She took a deep breath. "Blueberry and I might be your parents but...we weren't your stone or life giver. The honor of that goes to Huckleberry. I can tell you the whole story, if you'd like, or you can ask Huckleberry himself." She gestured with her beak out into the forest. "He's been skulking around the garden lately. Too scared to talk to me, but I don't blame him."

@Azure

The whole story..? Azure peered at Blackberry. She was still too wrapped up in grim misery to show much surprise, or even curiosity, but it was there--if only dully.

The idea of asking Huckleberry very nearly made her shudder. The last thing she needed was him blubbering nonsense at her-... Though, studying Blackberry now, she wondered vaguely if this were some strange manipulation by her mother. An attempt to-... what, get sympathy? Start some big tale that'd end in her asking for a breakout? Azure didn't know, and the questions spiralling through her mind were threatening to overwhelm her.

She shook her head, as if to clear it, and spoke--quietly.

"Tell me," was all she said.

Ranting about what a pathetic wreck Huckleberry was, and why she so much resented learning he was not her sibling but her parent, had no place here. She wasn't here to bitch about him, but to talk to Blackberry--and apparently, to learn something that somehow, now, she was beginning to think that she wouldn't like all that much.

@Blackberry

Blackberry had internally hoped that Azure would go off to find Huckleberry herself, that she wouldn't have to tell it, but, of course, it wasn't going to be that easy. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Perhaps she'd get through it okay if she distanced herself from it. Present it, not relive it all. Too much and she could break.

"Blueberry and I made three children, as you know. Huckleberry was always the problem. He was always difficult, but he was at least loyal and eager to learn and to please us as much as he could. He was more emotional then the others, more empathetic, but I still loved him as much as I loved the others before...things changed. There was a fight - a bad one. We won but I lost Baneberry then - she left and never came back and I lost Huckleberry too. He was injured and was saved by a wolf. Not one I knew. She brought him right back to me like a real mother, a good mother would have done when I, instead, just ran home myself. I was jealous, I think, so jealous of her that I scolded him for ever getting involved with anyone else. I stopped trusting him because he was friends with someone else and, for some reason, I couldn't have that. It broke us apart. He drifted further from me and the further he got the more violent I became. I hurt him...the scar on his face was from me, but there were a lot of internal wounds as well. Out of everyone in the family....I think he suffered the worst because he became so weak. Because he was torn - love me or be his own person?"

She paused for a moment, keeping herself from looking in Azure's direction and instead trailing up the intricate patterns of the branches. "I decided to give him a choice one day. I found a chrysalis lying in Polaris. I watched over it until it hatched, intending on capturing the creature inside or injuring it so it couldn't run. But it was crippled when it hatched. Unable to move, somehow. So I brought Huckleberry along and demanded he kill her, to prove to me that he was still loyal to the family. When he didn't...I tried to kill him. I hurt him so much in so many ways before he finally broke. He killed her because I forced him to and he gave life to it again. A second chance, maybe? But he gave it to me, to apologize, so I wouldn't hurt him anymore. And I was so cruel." Her voice cracked here. Her eyes were no longer staring at the branches but rather staring off into nothing. She was starting to break. It had, perhaps, been one of her most cruel acts of abuse. Why did I do that? How could I do that to him?! "He regretted it," she gasped, "but I didn't let him get close. I made him stay away because he made his choice. It tore him apart to have to stay away from you and I never let him be the father he wanted to be."

She closed her beak then and looked at Azure, the emotionless void filling her gaze once again. That was it. No apology, no anything else. If she said one more word, she'd surely crack again.

@Azure

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