ORIGIN

Serendipity had offered to go with Azure, when the hybrid mentioned she was off to see her mother, but she was hesitant to actually go. Azure deserved some privacy with her goose-mom anyway, and so Serendipity waited on the outskirts. In case her new sister needed anything, of course.

And for a time it was peaceful. The child wandered for a time-- albeit not too far --as she listened to the low rumble of voices in the distance. She liked Eridanus, she had decided, and it's sweet smells and greenery. But she wished she had at least brought something to do while she waited for Azure to get some sort of closure out of her murderous mother.

There was a cat, she'd noticed-- green and brown and standing vigil not too far away. At least, he might have been a cat. He certainly wasn't like anything Siren had seen before; his face was covered in a thick brown plate-- armour? --and it spread out like patches on his pelt. It seemed like something to ask him about. It seemed perfectly reasonable to ask him about it.

But then the shouting started.

Serendipity was something of a stranger to fear; she'd felt very little of it before. And the honking cries (of who she assumed belonged to Blackberry, and not Azure) were miserable and pleading. It was far easier to feel sad, than afraid-- but it wasn't sympathy for Blackberry, it was sympathy for Azure.

And then Blackberry started asking for death. That was a little scary. She could hear the familiar rumble of Azure in the distance-- calming her, she hoped --but they didn't stop. Blackberry called it a mercy, that she didn't want to live anymore. She saw the cat turn his broad head and growl into the fray, but he didn't get up and go into it.

Not until Azure tried to leave. The panic in Blackberry's voice only seemed to grow, anguished and sad and angry, begging her not to leave. For a moment, and she wasn't sure why, Serendipity was half-certain that the goose would somehow break out of her cage and straight-up kill her freshly-acquired sister-- she didn't even want to think about how afraid Azure must have been.

But she didn't sound like it? She called for the cat, calm and even and undeterred. The cat left and, what seemed like a very long, quiet eternity later, Azure appeared. She paused, said something she couldn't hear, and then continued on.

At least that's over, Siren thought as she went trundling to walk next to the hybrid. Instinct told her to ask how it went-- logic told her not to bother, it couldn't have gone great. Instead, she walked in silence, amber eyes flicking between Azure and Eridanus itself, waiting quietly.

Azure came pacing out of the brush with the same half-tensed, empty-eyed gait she'd gone in with. Pensive, lost in her own thoughts.

She stopped, and took a breath, and for a moment it almost seemed that she'd forgotten she'd left Siren behind. But then she glanced around, as if remembering, briefly searching for her by eye and--spotting her--turned to head over to her.

Her mind was warring. Half of her wanted to sag, to gasp, to cry and wail about what had happened--once she was a safe distance away, anyway. The other half wanted to close it all off, cold, to be strong and to hold her shit together.

Azure paused a few feet away from Siren, and hesitated. Those two impulses fought in her, but the simple fact was that she didn't know what to say. No words came. This had been a horror, and she was still sorting through it in her mind, herself.

"...Hey," she managed at last, lamely, shifting her wings uneasily on her back and looking away from Siren. "I don't, um. I don't know how to handle this," she managed, and her voice took on a hoarse whisper.

...Well, honesty wasn't bad, at least.

Siren stopped when Azure did, angling her head up to look at the hybrid. For a moment she was silent, thinking, and then she lifted a hand to thread her fingers through the thick mane on her head. She couldn't exactly say it'd be okay-- she didn't know if it would be and lying was bad --but she knew she had to say something.

Might as well respond to what she knew, at least. "Hello," she said, similarly a little lamely. Her hand dropped to fidget with her fingers afterwards, thinking again, wracking her mind for something.

Realistically-- there probably wasn't any magic out there that could help. At least, nothing that Serendipity knew. There probably weren't the right words to say that'd fix it all, either. It did not help that Siren hadn't actually dealt with grief before-- she scarcely felt it herself, and she hadn't seen anyone else like this until now.

She couldn't even really imagine what Azure was going through, in fact-- the hybrid was Siren's only family, after all. But if Siren were upset, what would she want to do, to find some comfort?

The gembound lifted a small hand, gesturing to the overhanging trees. "You, uh, wanna get something to eat?" She asked-- because eating always helped her feel better, she found. "We can find like, a river or something if you wanna drink instead?"

The only thing Siren was certain of, at least, was that she sure as hell wouldn't want to talk about it immediately after.

To her surprise, the suggestion of food and drink sounded... good. It felt like a good idea; to get some sustenance in her, and pretend everything was normal, and do... normal things.

She nodded her head, a little.

"Yeah. Thanks, Dip, that--that sounds good." Maybe it was just the relief at putting off the conversation--though there was a lot she was aching to say. She just didn't know how to say it--and she knew that it all hurt. The whole thing; all of it.

Azure glanced around, then headed vaguely in the direction in which Siren had gestured. Granted, Siren had mostly gestured up, but she had to pick some way. Any direction that went away from Blackberry and Rift were good by her.

"You're not gonna believe the crap I have to tell you," Azure breathed, tense, as she picked her way over the peat. And she felt like she should tone it down, too. Dip was her friend, but-... Dip was younger, by a little. Still young.

She felt, briefly, a little lonely--she had no one to confide the full story in, really. But she'd tell Dip what she could, without letting it get too grim.

She hoped.

Serendipity smiled-- it was good! Which meant it was a good idea, and Azure would feel better after eating and drinking and stuff. Maybe not totally better, but some better was progress, and a lot better than feeling worse about everything.

She lead off in the direction exactly opposite of Blackberry and Rift and the cage, moving instead to one of the smaller trees. Serendipity was, after all, small, and the trees in Eridanus were mostly fairly large aside from some fresh saplings.

The tree she did come to was a fairly squat-- as wide as it was tall --but it had bulbous orange-yellow fruits hanging from it among the leaves. She tore one off a branch and offered it to Azure first, as she spoke. "Uh, I heard her shouting," she said with the gentlest of grimaces. "I know that's not the whole thing or anything but it doesn't sound, like, great?"

She tore down a second mango and bit into it, waving it gently around. "Are you sure you wanna talk about it?" She asked, a twinge of concern appearing in her pale brow. "I'll listen if you do but are you sure you wanna?"

She followed along somewhat listlessly, lost in her own mire of emotions. At the question, she glanced sidelong at Siren--and realized there was no easy answer.

As she thought about it, as Siren pulled a branch down, she herself focused on her magicka. It was a welcome distraction, for a moment; and the banana she produced--though small--was still enough to split between them as a sweet treat. She carefully picked it in half, offering half to Siren and leaning up to help pluck the mangoes in return; she then flopped into the grass and--musing--sort of just thought out loud.

"...Yeah. I think so? -No. But... I can't not talk about it, you know-? Does that make sense?" She asked this quietly, picking at the mango first with her beak as she did so.

"I have to talk about it 'cause... I don't know what to think? Blackberry isn't my mother. She killed my mother. Or-... She made Huckleberry do it. Is that messed up, or what?" She tried for humor, but it fell flat, and cold. There was nothing funny in what she'd said.

Azure looked down, pulling at fruit with her beak, and flattened her small ear-tufts back against her skull. She didn't know what to make of any of this. "I feel-... cold. Numb. Dark? Like it's a nightmare. Like nothing's real. It's shitty," she added, softly--but she was careful not to let her fear and horror ever enter her tone.

She was a shitty person, but she wasn't about to scare Dip unnecessarily. The kid--sister or no--wasn't just there for her to lean on. "I'm sorry for whatever you overheard--the yelling," she added. She knew that it couldn't have been pleasant, even from afar.

Siren pulled down another pair of orangey fruits, tucking them into her arm as Azure spoke. It did not, in fact, make much sense to her. She couldn't-- at least not yet, not at this age, not without experiencing it herself --wrap her head around it. After all, if you didn't want to do something, why not just not do it?

She didn't say any of this out loud, however. She settled down next to Azure in the grass, landing with a gentle thump before folding her legs in front of her. "Sorta," she landed on a reply, setting the fruit between them and picking up her half of the banana.

Not knowing what to think she did know, at least. She wasn't entirely sure what to think about this, either. Yeah, it was messed up-- Azure's own mother and brother had lied to her repeatedly, covered up a murder and pretended everything was normal, and that they were normal. It was also, the exact opposite of funny.

"Do you, uh," she began, trailing off mid-sentence. What was there even really to say? "Do you.. know who your mom was? Could you, uh, find her friends or something and like, ask about what she was like and stuff? If it'd help?" It probably wouldn't, and she realised this mid-sentence, but maybe there'd be something good in knowing about what her actual family was like before Blackberry came and wrecked it.

Carefully, she bit into her banana, thinking. And then, she was thinking out loud-- "maybe that's like, okay?" She said quietly. "Maybe if you like, let yourself feel really bad and stuff about it now while it's fresh it'll feel less bad later? Does that make sense?"

Probably not, she thought a little spitefully at her own suggestions. She shook her head for a moment.

"It's okay-- I mean. As okay as it can be," she shrugged-- trying to physically throw off the horror as Blackberry's screaming rang through her ears. "She doesn't sound, uh--" sane "--like she'd really be sorry for it herself? And you shouldn't have to apologize for her or anything."

That much seemed a little strange, at least. She watched the hybrid for a long moment, wondering-- Blackberry was still family, if not her actual mother, but would Azure feel... sad, about not being able to fix everything? A part of her thought she'd come out of it stronger, when she went in, like the Cool Big Sister she was, but that seemed quite far off, now. Sorta Sad Big Sister didn't have the same ring to it, either.

"I'm sorry it's shitty," she added a little abruptly, without thinking-- but not disingenuinously. She wanted to make it better. She was just afraid she couldn't.

Azure thought about this, beak picking halfheartedly at the fruit. "I don't know who it was. I don't know if they knew who she was--the bird, I mean. Blackberry said she found her just coming out of a chrysalis-..."

ABSOLUTE BITCH, her mind suddenly raged, really and terribly angry. It was an injustice--to just murder someone like that! Azure closed her eyes, slowly, and took a breath. It wasn't a hysterical thought, it wasn't Blackberry-levels of instability--it was just the realization, the real realization, of what her "mother" had done.

Azure gathered herself. Her voice cracked a little, the fruit half-forgotten, though there was still no emotion to it--just calm--as she spoke. "I'll ask around... maybe Huckleberry found out who it was, later, but I really don't want to talk to him right now. I do want to know, but-... maybe later." She didn't want to talk to him ever, really, but the question of who her mother had been was already tormenting her. "I am wondering, though, you know-? Like, who was she--what was she like? That's half of me, and I never knew." She paused, and then looked out at Eridanus. "I bet she was nice. I hope she was."

"And yeah, it makes sense," she agreed--she thought it did, even though she... couldn't really work out what it was that Dip meant. She was pretty sure it was right, though. Something about it just sounded right.

"But no, I don't think Blackberry's really sorry for anything but herself. I don't think she knows how to feel real remorse--not really. She thinks she does, but it's like-... The wrong things hit her as 'wrong,' you know? She doesn't understand pain, doesn't get why what she did is bad. She doesn't understand feelings. She screams and rants, but she just doesn't get it. She'll never get it," Azure added, quietly. "She's a shithead."

At Dip's apology on how shitty things were, Azure glanced up at her with some surprise. For a moment, she was silent. "...You know, it--doesn't feel shitty? Like, I feel awful about-... My mother, whoever she was. The bird. Blue, I guess, a blue bird. But--about Blackberry-? I always thought there was something wrong with me, Dip." Azure sounded calmer now, her voice a little more secure. She took a nibble of her mango as she considered her thoughts, and her words. "It's kind of a relief to know that there's nothing wrong with me. Just with my psychopath of a--... A not-mother. It's not my fault, and that's--good, you know? It'll take awhile to understand it, I think," she added, displaying a brief wisdom beyond her years.

Err. Beyond her cycles.

"I'm kinda glad I don't have to beat myself up over that anymore. I can make a clean cut. I don't have to apologize for the psycho bitch. I don't have to... see myself as "Blackberry's messed-up kid" anymore. The fucked-up Bloodberry. I can just be me."

Azure paused, and then--with a rather unladylike, self-deprecating snort--added, "Now I know I sound stupid."

Serendipity had to take a long moment to process this-- if Blackberry had found her coming out of a chrysalis then that meant she'd just been... born? But why? There was no real reasoning behind why Blackberry would kill her in the first place, in that case, and that terrified her.

She didn't have a chance to live. She didn't get to know anyone, or have fun, or learn anything or laugh or cry or explore or anything. It sank into Siren, then and there, what death was. A complete end to all things, and that made her sick to her stomach.

She planted her banana down, absently, not feeling like eating anymore. It suddenly made sense, why Azure didn't even like eating rats and stuff.

"I bet she was nice, too," she parroted, forcing herself to try and stop thinking about it too much. Azure needed to talk and she sure as hell didn't have any excuses to get upset. Not while her sister needed her. "You're nice, so she musta been nice, too. Maybe she liked making stuff, too."

Somehow, this made her even more sad.

She couldn't understand how Blackberry couldn't feel bad about any of the things she did-- or at least wasn't sorry about it. It was difficult to wrap her head around the thought that someone could just do that to another gembound and not even understand what they did.

She really was a shithead. "Maybe, like, worse than a shithead," she thought out loud. Though, whatever was up from shithead, she had no idea. On that vein, she wasn't really sure what a shithead was, either.

Her gaze lifted back up towards Azure as she spoke again, and for a moment she only listened in silence. She understood, of course, that Azure wasn't a bad person and never had been-- she was good, and nice, and gentle --but she couldn't quite understand why, just because of Blackberry, she'd think otherwise.

She shuffled closer towards Azure, leaning quietly against her. "You don't sound stupid," she said. "It's good for you to like, be able to be your own person and stuff, and get away from your-- not-mom and stuff?"

Her eyes flicked towards the general direction of the cage, back the way they had come from. For a moment Siren shifted, frowning. "What do you think'll happen to her?" She asked, hesitantly.

"Definitely worse than a shithead," Azure agreed. As to the rest, she was quiet for a time. She didn't know what to say about her mother perhaps having been a crafter, like she herself wanted to be--it did make it worse, make it sadder.

And as for Blackberry's fate-?

Azure remained silent for a moment, thoughtful, picking apart the banana, now, and slowly eating it. The faint glitter of its magic began to rain down around her, a ludicriously out-of-place cheerfulness to her grim thoughts.

"...I don't know. I've been wondering that, ever since I heard she'd been caught. Rift wants her to be trialled, but I don't know what they'll do. She's insane; she's dangerous," Azure added grimly. It wasn't that Blackberry seemed to be her old malicious self--but she was very clearly unstable, and desperation or rage, well-... The goose wasn't good with emotions, that much was very clear.

"I don't even know what I want to happen to her. I gotta sort all my feelings out, I guess," she surmised, and it was a wise moment of introspection. "It's not that I want her dead, it's just-... Caves, is it bad to say there's no good reason she should stay alive? She'll be dangerous, I think, as long as she exists--and she'll never be happy. But I'm not like her, I don't want others to die so I don't know." Azure picked at her banana for a moment longer, and then shifted her attention to Dip, watching her intently.

"Thanks for coming with me, Dip. It means a lot, like-... I think I'd be a mess if I were here on my own. I'm sorry you've got to deal with it, though," she added, a little gruffly--she didn't like, really, that she'd dragged the poor--uhh. Person... elf... thing. Friend. Into this.