ah, now here was a puzzle. damask hadn't expected her father to know all the answers, but ... he was struggling with the subject even more than she was. as he grappled for words, she made a note of every one, turning the intel over and over in her head, thinking in time with the one-two beat of her stride. nothing different physically, he reported, which ... yeah, checks out. she was betting on another kind of change, less tangible, like, like — "my magic ... i know it, but it's ... different? ... unfamiliar, new, less of it, but ... more room for it." like that. the pieces were falling oh, so neatly into alignment. it all came back to that word, noun-adjective-verb. transcendence: existence or experience above and beyond. transcendent: extraordinary; exceptional. transcend: to rise above. emuh's reward was an exclusive pass to power. it was on auré to climb the steps and turn the key. the answer in itself didn't come as a surprise; this had always been about magic, and it only made sense it'd end the same way. potential? damask could've figured that part out on her own. just not the rest of it. that the trial would steal from him. that it would leave him acting, looking, feeling like this.
well, that explained the state of his wisp: small, fitful, and ... as of just now, altogether extinguished. she gritted her teeth, resisted the urge to kick at an imaginary pebble. maybe it was fair, in the meanest sense of the word, to have that catch — a humbling reminder, for the ones who needed it. but not for auré, not him, not her dad. he'd already paid his price and done his time. she couldn't even guess at how long it would take for him to recover from this, and not just in a magical sense. but come on. is that really what he needs to hear? no, it very much was not.
"all right, more room," damask said. "more space. empty right now, but all we need to do —" back it up, back it up! "all you need to do is make it full." what are you even talking about? she held her breath and released it. fun fact! there is a bright side! you're even allowed to look at it! "practice, train, retake what this took from you, and then take more. few weeks, you'll look back on today and you'll think, that used to be me. you made the right choice, and magic aside, you're already stronger for it."
hm, good stuff. real inspirational. so, how about you? are you, did you, will you? coming up on five cycles, now, and how much have you changed since the world spat you out? no, scratch that, how much for the better? is it ever gonna be for the better? you're looking pretty down right around now, kid, so here's the million-dollar question: just how low can you go?
her voice hadn't cracked, even carried a note of pressing persuasion: i'm selling; you're buying. and yet — somehow, somewhere in that tangle of rhetoric — all of her face had slumped down to half-mast. there, a prick, alcohol burning in two open wounds. damask swallowed, walked, swallowed, walked, staying the course, confining herself to a perfect, unbroken loop. he wouldn't see a thing. even so, she forced a smile just for the floor.
"what i said earlier, it stays between us. please. i'm serious." a hush, a downturn: "and i'm sorry." that's it that's the end not another word neither of us have the energy and you know it so just let it go: "right now, orion and the state of the nation. no need to talk, no need to listen."
usually, their dynamic went the other way around.