ORIGIN - come on, breathe

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Set directly after Wilder's performance in the Magicka Olympics.

cw for a panic attack and thinking about previous suicidal ideation and general sadness :(

As soon as she had left the stage, she'd pushed her way through the crowd, smile plastered to her face as she made to flee. The cave suddenly seemed too small, too filled with his presence, whom she hadn't noticed before the performance, oh thank the caves she hadn't seen him before, too excited to notice exactly who the judges were...

But at the end, she saw him. Well, both of them. Pride. Aure. Just, standing there, uncomfortable. Not making a sound. And as Wilder's eyes set down on the two of them, her happiness vanished like the pebble that she had evaporated for her show. She felt a cage press down on her lungs and her head start to spin, just from seeing them and remembering why she should be afraid of them.

She heard the distant screaming in her ears of someone that she'd once called a friend. Someone she'd tried - and failed - to protect. She heard the shrieking and the begging as he...as he tortured her. It had never crossed her mind, in all the cycles since that horrible event, that Pride had never meant to give Blackberry a drawn-out death. All she could remember was running, terrified for her friend, knowing that it was her fault, her foolish mistakes that had killed her, and that Pride wouldn't even give her the mercy of a quick death.

Wilder was a cat of love. It was all she wanted - she wanted to love and she wanted to be loved. She always tried to course her actions in pursuit of such a goal. To be merciful, forgiving, to be a friend of everyone. But Pride was the exception. And she hated him as much as the little cat could hate. But she also feared him, and that fear was more overpowering at the moment.

Because of course Aure had to be there too. She wished that she could just look at him. She wished she could...just be near him without feeling afraid. Not of him, but of herself. How she affected him, because she knew that he couldn't look at her without remembering what she'd done. She could never take it back, even if it was never meant to happen in the first place. Even if her body had been but a puppet, it was still her face that had been there, her paws carrying her forward, her magic that had tried to bring the Bonebound down.

How could Aure ever love her after that?

And worse, she could remember, now. Seeing him brought it back, what had happened right before she fell into her chrysalis. I don't want to wake up. She...she had been about to let it happen! She had fallen so lost, felt so utterly helpless, that she'd considered letting herself fall into darkness and never return to the world of the living. How...how could she think that?! And how could she even think that Aure would love her after that? How could anyone love a burden?

So she ran, and as soon as she was away from prying eyes, the smile melted right off of her face, to be replaced by something else. Something like fear but also like grief and something much darker sparkling in the back. She ran away from them, from her fear and hate, from the past she just wished she could forget and wipe away. Her heart was almost beating out of her chest and a tingling was racing through her nerves, like weakness spreading across her entire body. Suddenly, the world began to tilt. She didn't even realize that she was barely breathing until black spots appeared in her vision, her legs gave out from under her, and she collapsed to the ground. The tightness in her chest that had started in the arena was only closing down tighter and tighter as she struggled to take in a breath.

She was drowning and she scrabbled to keep her head above the surface. She scraped her claws across the ground as she wheezed, trying to hold herself above the water, but she could barely feel the rock beneath her body. She curled in on herself tightly, as if she would break apart, trembling violently. Black was creeping in at the edge of her vision, jaws cracked open as she tried to take in air. But her heart was racing out of control and the cage in her chest was locking her lungs. She could feel salty tears pricking at her eyes as she struggled to hold herself together.

Kaimana had just kind of... been here.

Searching, of course, but for what she often couldn't recall.

It was funny how when you first met it, the ocean mesmerized you, dragged you in and made you forget all your worries. And then, with the passing of time, that same ocean became your clock, your constant reminder, as you learned more about it and how it functioned. How it came higher and lower and reminded you that time was real, that you used it to move, needed it to live, and had to obey at least one or two of its orders. And it was hilarious, really, how it made you remember what you had to do next, because you did everything beside it. Like one massive keepsake to remind you of a million moments, a million things, like all of those tiny, easing waves crashing down on you all at once.

As a duck in a pond let the water run down its oily back, so to did all other creatures have to let those waves run their course.

Kaimana prodded at a crystal that seemed to sprout from the floor. She dawdled around aimlessly, wishing her paws could remind her of her purpose. Why had she been here? Where were those waters to tell her?

And after about 10 minutes, maybe? Time wasn't real anymore. 10 minutes, let's say, of wandering, she saw it.

Curled up tight on the ground. A circle, a cycle, a lone. Kaimana liked to be friendly, and part of being friendly was being able to read a room. This room was filled with the shivering of this tiny creature, so hard to spot, even amidst all the lights. It was, for Kaimana, like seeing her self from a third person's eye the first few times she'd gone diving for fish.

Incapable. Afraid.

"Hello...?" she asked, voice soft like a mouse on its tippy-toes, desperate to not invade. "I'm Kaimana." She was glad there wasn't a stone in her mouth this time. "Are you alright?"

@Wilder @Shengxiao

Sheng had been wandering around polaris for a while.

it was alot, the group, and.. every time he came to polaris he felt like he was living a life he had forgotten. the jolt of energy.

he didnt dwell on it much. he knew where that took him, though, he was arguably already there in the first place.

as he padded thoughtlessly through the cave, he heard the quiet sobbing, aswell as another creature.
padding outward, he noticed them, padding over, eyes dull but conscious enough to know; someone was upset, what could he do to help?

"aye, are you alright, lass?" he honked, padding forward, nodding to kaimana in greeting.

@Wilder @Kaimana

cw cont. for panic attack

She tried to breathe, but she couldn't take in air, her lungs clamped down so tightly that her chest was starting to hurt from lack of oxygen. She felt weak and lightheaded as it continued. In reality, the panic attack didn't last as long as it felt, but to the cat, who had never experienced anything as intense as this before, it felt like it was lasting an eternity. She was going to die. She was going to suffocate on fear.

But then a voice, gentle, like the only light in a sea of shadow, lit up her tiny world and Wilder's eyes, which she didn't even notice she'd squeezed shut, slowly cracked open and looked up at the creature standing in front of her. It's shape wasn't one to make it worse, thank the caves, and just looking at someone, someone new, that she didn't know, was enough to get her to start pulling herself up.

It wasn't much, but that instinctual desire to make friends immediately, to rush up to this stranger and happily introduce herself with a squeak, didn't quite fully manifest but it did enough to get her head out of the drowning panic and get her aware and cognizant, once again, of the world around her. Enough so that she could look up at the leopard and attempt to speak.

Keyword: attempt. She still could barely breathe, as if she'd forgotten how, and all that came out of her jaws was a high-pitched whine as she wheezed, trying to reign in control of herself. And then there was another one and she mewled again. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to talk, she wanted to greet them, but all she could see was Pride's face. All she could see was Aure turning his head away. And all she could think about was keeping herself from drowning.

@Kaimana

Another came, and honked out a concern. Kaimana beamed at the two creatures. She had been so lonely for so long. Traveling was really helping her reach out to others, to meet them where they were. The stormy room she'd dwelled in previously wasn't exactly the most in-the-way and comfortable place. "Looks like this one's cold." The tiny black creature seemed to be trying to speak to her, but something was keeping her.

Kaimana took a deep breath in, and pushed a deep breath out. This looked so similar to having water stuck in her own lungs. "Did you go diving somewhere? Can you breathe?" Kaimana kept breathing, as if she could manage it for the small one. In, and out. In, and out. If this were an emergency, Kaimana would have to be calm. Air had a calming effect on the soul, and so did water, usually. When it wasn't stuck in your lungs.

The jaguar then attempted to approach and curl around the smaller creature. She wouldn't push herself forward if the creature wouldn't allow. Kaimana was just trying to do this because, well, how else did you warm someone up? She was a flippin' feline for goodness sake! A taker and giver of heat. A lifeline tossed out into this little one's stormy sea.

@Shengxiao @Wilder ((tagged Wilder because Kaimana is attempting physical touch))

He Looked to kaimana, making a small gurgle of approval, before moving a bit closer aswell.

"you dont have to speak if you're unable, lass, i am Shengxiao, but please, call me sheng" he said gently.

he kinda copied kaimana slightly in action, but instead just opening his arms in offering, silently asking if she wanted a hug

@Wilder

cw cont. for panic attack

She didn't shy away from the touch - in fact, she curled into it, grateful just to feel the warmth of someone else against her back, someone that wasn't afraid of touching her. The feeling of the larger cat pressing up against her back was calming, at last something grounding, and her steady, rhythmic breathes were something that Wilder latched onto. She followed the jaguar, in and out, in and out, until finally, she could pull in breathes and her lungs were able to expand normally. The black spots around her eyes faded away, leaving her light-headed and trembling faintly in the aftermath of the panic.

The tension left her body and she took a small shuddering breath as her eyes peeled open. She could still hear her heart thrumming in her ears, but it had calmed itself down. Now she was just exhausted and feeling weak all over.

Eyes travelled up to look at the jaguar. "Thanks...Kaimana" she croaked, her voice cracking. "No I wasn't divine. I was...I...I don't know what happened." She shivered. "I was scared and I suddenly couldn't breathe." Her eyes traveled to the other creature. First instincts were to ask it so many questions - why did it look like it was just a bunch of animals slapped together? Was it all of them combined? Was it some crazy hybrid created by hybrids themselves? - but she didn't even want to lift her head off of the ground. "Hi...Sheng. I'm Wilder."

The offered hug clicked something in her head. A memory of a wings opening and bringing themselves around her body, a gesture of comfort and love, even when Aure didn't have time to deal with Wilder's emotions. Hugs were something that Wilder treasured, because it was taking that revered emotion that she held so highly and making it physical. Showing someone else, with the warmth of their body and the comfort of their embrace, that they were there for you.

And nobody had been there for Wilder, not for a long time. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a proper hug and the thought of it made her heart shatter into piece. All she wanted was to lunge forward into the hug that Sheng offered her, but, instead, her emotions bubbled over and she burst into tears, eyes watering suddenly and slipping down her cheeks and she curled in tightly, body wracked with sobs. "Sorry," she squeaked, trying to stop, but she just couldn't stop. "Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

@Kaimana

Kaimana watched as the smaller creature leaned in, breathed with her. It felt nice, calming, one wave lapping up against the next on a chill day with a low tide. Reach, recede, reach, recede. She smiled when the tiny one looked up at her. The tiny one explained their situation; not diving, just unknown. Just scared and then incapable of breathing. Kaimana thought about when she had been scared. The ocean wasn't always so soothing, sometimes it tried to grab hold of you and wouldn't let go without a fight. Sometimes loneliness did the same thing.

"I understand," was her only reply.

Then it was their third member's turn to provide comfort. Kaimana didn't even know the names of these creatures, but she felt something special was happening here. Something only life could do. She watched the tiny one, who seemed to watch their companion, and she listened to the tears. "Hey, hey..." Kaimana's tail curled around the tiny one, in a position that almost could've been seen as a mother defending and comforting her cub. "What are you sorry for?" It didn't make sense to Kaimana. All she knew the tiny one had ever done was be scared. That wasn't a crime.

For a moment, Kaimana wondered if the Seven would take this little one in. They probably knew a lot more about what could scare someone than Kaimana did. And that was their job, right? Pride had said to; be a safe place for all.

@Shengxiao

He paused, taken aback slightly by wilder breaking down, but only padding closer and lying down right next to her, understanding in his eyes. "oh, tis a'ight, Lass, you'v got nothin to apologize for." he assured, moving a pay to wipe some tears away, if the touch was not unwelcome in doing so.

he lay next to her, looking up at kaimana for a moment, concern in his eyes, asking a silent question. 'what do we do now?'

@Wilder

She tried to stifle her sobs, but her emotions were a rollar coaster in her head - every time she felt like she was getting in control of herself, she'd remember soft feathers pressed against her body, a soft chirping voice telling her it'd be okay or the smell of dust and fungus but also of warmth and family and she'd go off again, mourning everything that she'd lost. Because of her own stupidity. Because she had been the one to go off to Mother and try to talk to Reji for some reason, because she had fallen for their trap. Stupid stupid stupid!

"I'm sorry," she sniffled through her tears. "I j-just can't...s-stop..." She let out a hiccup as she pressed in closer to Kaimana and then to Shengas he got closer, reveling in their body heat and the comfort of just...having someone there. She let it out and it went on for some time, just crying because she'd never truly mourned the broken relationships before, she'd never truly faced her emotions, merely bottling them in in an attempt to heal the wound that had formed in her life. But it had only festered and rotted until she was at the point of completely giving up.

How could she even think that?!

It took her a bit of time to let it all out, but eventually her hysterical sobbing died down, leaving her trembling and sniffling on the ground. She felt her cheeks heat up with embarrassment when she realized what was going on, when rational thoughts started to seep back in. She was sitting between two complete strangers just completely breaking down. They didn't even look vaguely familiar - they had just come up to her, out of the kindness of their hearts, to help her through her meltdown.

She sniffled. "S-sorry...I didn't mean to...b-be a nuisance or y-you know, t-take up your time." She lifted a paw to rub at her eyes which had become bloodshot and irritated from all the crying.

@Kaimana

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