what in the world? - Printable Version

Gemini, he decided, wasn't his favorite place. In fact, it could be his least favorite place. His reflection unnerved him as he peered at himself in the reflective gemstone walls, his body askew and looking as if someone stretching him tall in some facets while others warped him into strange shapes. Like a funhouse mirror room, only less fun.

"... I'm not that fat," he grouched, glaring at his reflection, hilariously making him look like someone had taken a rolling pin to him and flattened him out.

He looked back at his belly (admittedly the tiniest bit chubby, but that never hurt anyone) and stamped a hoof, snorting. Stupid mirror cave. He was just coming back from Leo, headed to Polaris, and now he was struggling to make his way through this dumb-

The light that flashed startled him, making him jump forward and slam into the wall, cursing as he held his nose with his wings. Ow ow ow- stupid horse brain!! He turned around, tail tucked between his legs, eyes wide as he peered at the... portal. The portal- A PORTAL!

"What in Astraea's name...?", he mumbled, taking a cautious few steps forward, peering around a corner and blinking as he saw the rift in it's full glory.

It swirled and glowed and he was absolutely enraptured, ears perked forward.

James blinked and stepped forward, eyebrows raising, "... Amazing. Is this a spell? Hello?! Did someone cast this?"

Oh he'd die to know how to cast this spell!!

Honestly, the one benefit to his progressive blindness was that he minded Gemini a lot less. Before, it had made him dizzy and motion sick just walking through, making his head swim as he tried to make sense of things. At least the tunnel adjacent had the decency to have something to walk across! But now that his vision was more limited (and definitely getting worse, he had noticed now), it was less disorienting.

"Astraea?" he asked lightly, bemused by his boyfriend invoking the Master as a curse. Didn't James dislike him? It seemed like all of the Seven did. Tahi-shei really needed to sit down with him and have a talk about all the conflicting reports of his attitude -- it was starting to be a little unsettling, to have a father figure who'd apparently tortured people. Then again, hadn't Pride admitted to murder? Not like you're much better.

He blinked the thoughts away. "What did you find?" he asked James idly from where he'd been following at his flank. "I can see if it's magic?" he offered, leaning slightly against James's body to help steady himself as he turned his head slightly to try and get a good look at the rift. He shrugged. "Seems to be. I dunno what kind, though."

"Yes, I thought it suitable...", he mumbled, "Seeing as he can't decide whether or not he's good or not, may as well make his name useful to curse with."

James lifted a wing and draped it over Tahi's back, squeezing just a bit, "There's no need, my dear. It's very obviously magic. It's almost like a wisp, though it's almost... iridescent? Like a pearl. I don't need a spell to know that it's powerful. Oh how I wish I could learn it."

He nuzzled Tahi and approached it, looking it up and down and careful to stay away in case it did something unexpected.

"I um... I know now's not a good time, but you've been acting strange," he said, "Like... you turn your head to see things, and when we were at the beach you tripped right where I did. Normally you're more agile than I am."

James turned to face Tahi, head slightly cocked, "If there is something wrong, you know you can tell me, right?"

He walked forward and offered his nose to bump, wanting to offer support as he looked into Tahi's eyes, eyes that seemed to be changing day by day, ever so slightly.

He squinted at it. "It kind of looks like the portal the Voidcrawlers use to store things in." He nudged James. "Maybe if you join the Voidmother, you'll get something similar?" he said, mostly teasing. He didn't actually approve of the Voidmother's influence, or of her blatant manipulation of children. He worried about what Madhukar would do on her team, but they didn't seem too bad. They didn't seem angry. Except about Mother -- the very idea of someone else claiming to be their mom seemed to upset them. Tahi-shei wasn't going to ask questions about a willing soldier, not if he could help it.

At James's question, though, he froze, rather like... well, a deer in headlights. "Uh..." He scraped valiantly for a lie, something to tell James to get him to stop asking questions, but he was struggling to come up with one. Probably because Tahi-shei was a bad liar and hated doing it. "W-Well, the, uh-- the thing is," he continued, voice climbing higher as he continued to try and come up with a good enough explanation. "It's, uh..." He cursed himself. Where was the suave and charismatic stag of the Orion gathering? Where was the Gembound who had stared a Valkhound and two Masters in the face and been nothing but calm? The creature who'd been able to look Draconua in the eyes and hold his ground, the very deer who'd faced the Collector and tried to ask for a redrawing of terms with a mask of stone? Why was James the one who brought him to his knees?

He sighed. "The Collector," he said finally, unable to spit out anything better. "The Crown. I think, anyway. I haven't confirmed it -- I don't want to give him the satisfaction. But I'm pretty sure it's been happening slowly, since I got it -- me going blind." It wasn't as scary to say out loud as he'd thought it would be. "I can still get around okay," he continued, unable to quite describe the fungal array to James. "It lets me use that spell Gray Sense passively, and another spell to let me... I suppose see through fungus, not that fungus has eyes, in a small radius around me. It's not... the end of the world," he said reluctantly, even though it very much was and he felt like the caves were crashing down around him. "I can... still see a little."

"I think I'm good with my shield spell," he snorted, not too fond of the Voidcrawlers, "And you know, I still go see Pride. I have much to learn even still, but I think at this point we're teaching each other."

He looked at Tahi as he stumbled over his words, brows furrowing. James saddened, but it quickly turned into rage. Pure, unadulterated rage.

Now if you don't know horses, or even if you did, you'd expect them to not really make any noises other than a whinny. But James growled, a low, angry noise that promised hell raining down upon whoever his rage was focused upon.

He hooked his neck around Tahi-shei's, his feathers so fluffed up he looked like a marshmallow with legs, only a very angry one.

"I don't like murder," he mumbled, "But I really really think the Collector needs to have his ass kicked."

There was no pity that he felt for Tahi. If he said it was okay, then he trusted the other to know himself. There was worry, of course, but James wouldn't dare baby Tahi. He was more than a little pissed off at the Collector for repeatedly withholding that his creations had serious drawbacks.

"I mean," he managed, leaning into James's touch, "I-- it's not like I don't deserve it, I suppose. I mean, I-- I hurt someone. Coerced or not, I was three cycles old. I-- I should have-- I should have known better, you know? But I'm just..." He sighed. "So weak. So... so weak." He swallowed hard. "A-And-- and don't try to argue with that, because... because you know it's true. Anything dangled in front of me and I lunge for it. I'll take any opportunity to learn more shy of taking my own life." He sighed. "I hate it. I hate that about myself. I hate that I don't know how to be better."

Tahi-shei shook his head slightly. "And anyway, I should have been... been listening. He hinted at it, you know. Left a trail. I could've figured it out, if I'd been smarter. Could have refused the damn thing, but then, what was it all for? Caves. I should have refused the deal in the first place, but I was just... desperate to know. I just... wanted to see what would be on the other side." He looked silently towards the rift, still leaning against James. "There's so much I'm dipping my hooves into for the same reason, and I don't know yet if I'm on the right side. I trusted Astraea blindly, but everyone tells me he's a bad guy. I'm following at the heels of Master Vargas, even though he literally tried to kill me to make a point. And admitted to mass murder to my face, no less. Even though he..." Tahi-shei swallowed hard. "Well. I don't have real proof of that one, so... I'll shut up about it. No use in spreading rumors." He shook his head. "But it's not good, whatever it is. None of this is good. The whole thing, it just feels like one big mess, but what am I meant to do when Vargas tells me he's keeping me and mine alive? What am I meant to do when he tells me that Mother, that drove me to hurt my best friend, is his enemy?"

His breath felt ragged, now. When had he started crying? He wasn't sure. "Maybe if I do well enough, maybe if I-- maybe-- maybe if I make it safe for her, maybe if I make sure she knows I won't hurt her again, she'll come back? Maybe I'll-- maybe I'll s-see her again?"

Woof. Where had all that come from? Even Tahi-shei wasn't sure.

James saddened and leaned into Tahi more, to try and ground the stag.

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend," he mumbled, "And right now, Mother is your enemy, and Vargas and Astraea are allies. You hurt Madhukar and felt Mother in your own head and... and I did too. That's what drives us to stop her, so that no one suffers and the caves don't fall to ruin. What you're doing is amazing, standing up to not one, but two Masters and doing what they can't. People would rather rally to a peer than to someone they can't relate to."

He backed away and craned his neck, head high, "You, Tahi-shei Deimos, the Fungal Price and my lover are growing and learning. I wouldn't bother with you if you weren't making mistakes and learning from them. Because you are, like it or not. At the beach, you said Pride told you to make amends, to give back what you've taken. I believe you can apply that to everything else, too. You are making up for your crimes by teaching the people of these caves to defend themselves, by fighting against a threat much greater than yourself, by giving life because you took one."

He stepped forward and bumped their noses together, eyes soft.

"You were a child. Three months old- hell, we're still young and stupid," he said, "But life isn't fair and doesn't care that we are. You are still learning, and that's alright!! You look at something swinging before you and you take it, but I think it's more than that. There are choices you must make, shiny things swinging before your eyes that you must select carefully. Choices that are more difficult than you realize."

James inhaled and fluffed his wings again, "I took the trial again. Not for myself. Because I learned that being selfish will only make my toxic self-hate worse. Accepting myself and knowing that I do my best every single day was a fight, but I won. I took the trial, decided to grow more powerful, because I wanted to be able to protect my friends and family. It was hard, because I had to decide what I was doing it for."

He breathed out again and closed his eyes, "Every choice you make, think. Of me, of Madhukar, of everyone you love and admire. What are the consequences? Would it affect them? Would it hurt them?"

He laughed bitterly. "It was Vargas's idea, actually. Sorry, Master Vargas." He sighed. "Never know who's listening." He needed to perform well. He couldn't just melt under the pressure. "I'm just... the one gathering the army." Tahi-shei flinched when James called him by his moniker; he held his tongue. He couldn't bear to tell him where he'd gotten that name from.

Tahi-shei leaned into James, closing his eyes. Not that it made much difference. "You did well, I take it?" he murmured, returning the nose touch. "Congratulations, darling. I'm proud of you." He mulled over James's words, too -- what would protect his family, what would harm them. He recalled distinctly what Vargas had told him.

"We are random," he said, his voice cold. "This nest, it was made to create soldiers. Great monsters designed painstakingly -- not like we make children, James, not like you do, but instead hand-crafting things like... like making jewelry, or weapons. Making weapons." He sighed. "But something happened, and now we exist here. Random. Uncreated by the Masters. And the others, they'd want to destroy us. Tear us asunder and build us back up again, taking the parts that are useful and destroying the parts that aren't. The Masters, James, they want their factory back -- and Master Vargas, as monstrous as he is, he's the one keeping us alive. Because he thinks we have potential. Because he thinks we're worthy of living, as long as we do what he says once in a while."

Tahi-shei drew his limbs in, making himself smaller. "James, what if keeping you all safe means working with the Masters and the Overseers and the soldiers in Draco? Not because the enemy of my enemy is my friend, but because working with them -- being one of them -- would give me everything I want -- knowledge, and the power, the ability, to keep my friends safe." He frowned. "What if keeping you all safe means working with Master Astraea and Master Vargas and Overseer Alpha and the great monster who assaulted Pegasus like you work with the Seven?"

James was quiet. He listened to Tahi, eyes down, mouth in a straight line.

"... I was naïve to think it was simple," he mumbled, "But I'm not sorry we're random. I'm not sorry I'm alive or that Comet's alive or that you and Kaimana and all the people I know were created randomly."

He was quiet for a time, tail swishing back and forth as he stared at the empty portal, watching it ebb and flow like waves, like the lights in Ursa.

"... I just pray you don't let power get to your head," he said, and peered at Tahi, "... Fuck the Fungal Prince for a moment, and look at me."

James faced Tahi head on, looking at Tahi-shei, not the title or the mask he put on to gather people up to his cause. He held out a wing, feathers tenderly cupping the other's cheek. Not like a hand, more like a stiff blanket.

"... I need to speak to Master Vargas, and I need to join you properly," he said, "I will help you, my dear. I don't like this, I don't like you working with them like this, but... hm. Perhaps one day their trust will backfire."