Huckleberry shivered, looking away from the mess they had just made, their throat and eyes burning. The felt like a helpless kid all over again, sick and lost in their own storm. And Kin-Kin was there, ever the stoic, watchful guardian and Huckleberry felt just as trapped as ever. When he didn't have Mama watching his back, he had Kin-Kin there as if she were a second guardian. Would he ever be free to be himself?

But he reminded himself - he had been the one to go looking for the wolf. He hadn't gone off on his own, he had searched for her guidance. It was what he needed right now. A person that was confident and good and didn't waver like he did. Someone with control and purpose. It was so different, being around Kin-Kin, then it ever was being with the family.

He took a deep breath, swallowing a number of times to try and rid himself of the taste of bile and to control the burning in his throat. He would need to find a place to re-hydrate himself, but not right now. He needed to face himself, own up and get the help he needed. Because despite his resentment for needing someone to care for him, he knew that he needed the help.

He stood and walked out from behind the rock, stopping in Front of Kin-Kin where he looked at her with a dull yet determined gaze. If he wanted things to get better, he had to make them better. It was one of those moments of clarity - in the haze of his life, in the confusion, the muddle of all of his emotions, behaviors, and uncontrollable nature, it was times like these that Huckleberry could finally see clearly. "I can't take back what I've done," their began, their voice stronger then it had been before. "It's tearing me up, but I deserve it. I killed an innocent creature and I brought them back to life. Mama wants to keep for herself them but I don't know if I can handle that...she doesn't trust me. I don't know what to do. I know you don't want to get involved but..." they faltered for a second and looked away guiltily. The last thing they wanted to do was have Kin-Kin bend herself over on their expense, but they really didn't know what else to do. "I need help. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck and every day is worse than the last."

Kin-Kin saying it aloud didn't make Huckleberry feel any better. They knew that that was reason - Blackberry knew that not wanting to kill made them morally better then her, but that wasn't the problem. "That's just it...Mama doesn't want any of her kids to be good. We're meant to be bad, just like her. And she can't stand that someone with her blood could ever turn away a kill..." Their ears flattened at the thought and for a second, they felt rage boil in their veins and they spat with disgust. "I hate her! I hate my family! They can all rot for all I care!" But as soon as the words came out of their mouth they regretted everything. How could they say such a thing?! Their family was precious to them! They had been taught that from the very beginning! "N-no, I don't mean that, I love my family. They're...they're..."

They couldn't finish. They didn't know how to finish. How could they justify their family to Kin-Kin? How could they justify their family to themself?

And what kind of help could they ask? What kind of help did they even need? It was like they knew that they needed help with something, but they didn't know how anyone could help them. For a moment, they had an idea but they pushed it away. No...they couldn't. They belonged with the family. How could they ever leave?

But wouldn't that solve all the problems? They could even take the gem with them. But they had given that gem to Mama. She would kill them if she caught them and if she didn't she would hunt them down. They didn't want that. They would have to leave the gem behind. But they couldn't do that either!

They growled in frustration. Why could they never figure themselves out? "I don't know, I just need help!"

They looked up and watched Kin-Kin lead them to the river and they felt relief flood their body. They stood and followed her, saying nothing on the way. What was there to say? They didn't know anything. How could she help them? What could they even do in this situation?

As soon as the river was in sight, they rushed forward and sat at the edge, jabbing their face right in to the cool, clear water and drinking in long gulps. The water felt good against their bitter tongue and the stinging in their throat went away as the water washed away the traces of the vomit. They could feel things clearing as the hydration flooded their body. But still the answer alluded them.

Once they had drunk their fill, they turned to Kin-Kin, their eyes dull and their voice somber. "I need help coping with this. I can't leave them, I can't! But things can't keep going like this."

Huckleberry stared at Kin-Kin dully as she spoke, nodding occasionally. It was all going into their head, slowly but surely, scrambling somewhere in their brain and then unscrambling again. So by the time Kin-Kin finished speaking, Huckleberry was only partially through comprehending her speech. There was a few moments of silence before their eyes regained some clarity and they took a deep breath. "I...I think I can do that. Yes...talking. With someone. Maybe that would make things better."

There was something in the back of their mind, though, something nagging. They had to go back to the cave soon. While their conscious mind had no idea why, something at the back, something important was going to happen. They couldn't go now. Something had to happen first. Their shook their head, as if trying to clear away the fog that was covering their thoughts. It was so annoying how they could never stay stable, but it was something that they had learned to grow with. "Can you set it up then? I...I got to go home first." They looked back in the direction of the tunnel, distracted. What was so important? They couldn't remember, they couldn't think.

Huckleberry breathed a sigh of relief. The back of their mind was calm now that he knew he could go home and tend to...whatever he had to tend to. Something was going to happen soon, something super important. They had to leave soon. "Thanks. I'll...I'll be careful. I won't upset my mama. But..."

Sudden fear sparked in their chest and they stared at Kin-Kin, their eyes wide, pleading and full of terror. "Please promise you won't forget? Don't leave me there." It was like they were a child, begging their mother not to lose them, a tiny baby clinging to their leg, crying for them to never be forgotten. They looked so pitiful in that moment. Even though they were bigger then the wolf it was plainly obvious in that moment that, in their head, they were still no more then a child.

Huckleberry nodded, too emotional to speak. He didn't want to be forgotten. He didn't want someone like Kin-Kin, who he held in such high regard, to push him aside like Mama had done. He had once been one of her favorite children, or as favorite as one could get. Now he was the traitor and the hated one, even though he had no idea what he had done.

"Thank you." Before he really knew what he was doing, he stepped forward, extending his leg to try and pull Kin-Kin closer in what could be described as an embrace. It only lasted for a second before he stepped away, not letting himself look at the wolf. "Thanks," he mumbled again before turning away.

He shot off quickly, extending his wings once he was going fast enough and took off into the sky. The cool air blowing against his face cleared his head and suddenly he remembered - he was going back for Cloudberry! A feeling of both excitement and dread weighed heavily in his stomach. How was this all going to go down? What was going to happen?

He feared for what would come next. He feared for himself and for Cloudberry. And, perhaps, for Kin-Kin. If Mama ever found out what he was doing, she was sure to punish them both.

*exit