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A Hot Mess - Printable Version +- ORIGIN (https://origin.boreal-nights.space) +-- Forum: IC Archives (https://origin.boreal-nights.space/forumdisplay.php?fid=50) +--- Forum: Year 7 Archives (https://origin.boreal-nights.space/forumdisplay.php?fid=63) +--- Thread: A Hot Mess (/showthread.php?tid=9954) |
RE: A Hot Mess - Orthoclase-Alpha - May 11 2021 "I am not going to kill you" did nothing to assure it; it was not the index and middle fingers hooking underneath its collar to wrench it out of hiding, but it was not the gentle coaxing of a hunk of meat or another appetizer. And perhaps that cat had lied—or, perhaps it'd been a desperate grab at distance after the sting of betrayal ate through leathery wing, masking a fresh wound called "loneliness." Like with many things now, Alpha didn't know. It was situated on the wrong side of the fast-moving river of history, with no way—or will?—to ford it where others had; where Vargas had, now swearing up and down that he'd not once had intent to harm simply because he now had the position to decide that. The orthoclase, sedated or not, couldn't come to grips with it. What did the ever-present hole on its face say? Weakness? Vulnerability? All that the Master should never have time for? Why should he care or show concern for a tool of his after it'd so clearly outlived its usefulness… ? It remembered that much, being just an object. A weapon to be pointed in whatever direction, without any needs or wants except those necessitated by survival. It didn't understand why. It didn't understand why. It didn't understand why. "You were confident once, but I do not know if you were ever truly happy." It didn't either. "You began to grow… distant, lethargic." And why? It did not know. It didn't know. It didn't know anything. "I imagine asking you to come back to Draco would not help, either." Yet, ever since the start of… all this, Alpha thought that it would help. That it should prove itself worthy again of walking amid the Forge. Little could shake the desperate desire to serve, to be useful, to have purpose—and that, right there, was where everything had gone so sideways. Left unsupervised without directive, it was little but a ship long-lost at sea, doomed to crumple beneath the waves lashing at its unmaintained hull. Autonomy did not fit into the empty, empty jigsaw puzzle that was its sense of self. What the hell was an orthoclase without purpose? Nothing discernible. Not anymore. It understood the least its own struggling movement: belly-crawling through the narrow, claustrophobic tunnel, and recoiling against the harsh light of outside again. Revealing itself just to its upper half, propping itself up for a meagre thirty seconds before flopping down with far too much heaviness. It did not understand the apparent want to approach with anxiety thrumming harsh against its ribs. (Some leftover fragment of socialization practice? A desire to see its conversational partner and be seen by them? To face its Master with some shred of dignity—before it inevitably died, it was so sure?) That upper half was likely all that Vargas needed to see. If it'd seemed lethargic before, it—after a torturous four and a half months of just barely getting by—certainly looked it now. Every quill on its neck was painfully, miserably out of place, unkempt and shuffled to all sorts of odd angles. Dingy, dim eyes sat sunken into their sockets, the lids puffy and dark with nothing but raw exhaustion. Dark stains clung to its cheeks, trailing from clogged tear ducts. New impact fractures were littered across a forearm, from where it'd fallen on it in an attempt to get away from Nemesis. But, that was unimportant for the moment. Does it have the sense—the knowledge of self—to have an answer? For what the Leviathan could do? The Leviathan that it struggled to even look at without its eyes unfocusing and drifting elsewhere? That it watched for any excuse to retreat back into its claustrophobic space? Breaths whistled out from its mouth and its broken nose as it tipped its head a little upwards. It tried—and failed—to meet those burning-toxic eyes, and faltered. Where it's mouth had opened to formulate some sort of word, it clipped back shut. Forelimbs shoved pathetically at the sand, mostly sliding but still yet shuffling it just under halfway back into the dark alcove. It didn't go for another shove, and whether that was because of wary trust or plain inability was up to anyone. Black pressing against its vision had it wavering where it lay, the world wobbling before it in a briefly nauseating spiral. Too much movement. So, no, it doesn't have an answer bar the slow—almost painful tip of the head, hesitating between a nod and a shaking head. It couldn't have made one if it tried. It didn't want help. It didn't need help. It could help itself— (What a liar.) @Vargas RE: A Hot Mess - Vargas - May 12 2021
@Orthoclase-Alpha RE: A Hot Mess - Orthoclase-Alpha - May 12 2021 Eyes unfocused with every passing minute, but still managed to catch a blur of violet and whatever movements it made—if only in vague, scattered light-and-shadow. Vargas turning and extending an arm, for example. It lurched back with a wordless gasp, as if the offering were some sort of bomb, the hand offering it a trap. By the time it'd grappled for something resembling lucidity, the orthoclase had already sequestered itself back into the cover of the tunnel. The world wiped over with monochrome, frames smearing and pixelating like a burnt-out television. A sweet scent filtered into its nostrils, overpowering despite all the dust, and while its mouth managed to water, a peal of nausea curled thickly through its gut. It gnawed and gnawed. Alpha stretched its neck out to glance at the banana, but no further attempt was made to eat it. Instead, it just… set its head back down with a vague, squinting grimace. It stared past the fruit offering and continued to watch the Leviathan's vague shape across its vision. It showed no sign of having even noticed Vargas speaking. @Vargas RE: A Hot Mess - Vargas - May 12 2021
@Orthoclase-Alpha RE: A Hot Mess - Orthoclase-Alpha - May 12 2021 It reacted to the second banana the same as it did the first Jerk. Consider. Reject—especially after mouthing one to shuffle it away from its own snout. Less of an intense scent, that way. Nonetheless, its stomach gnawed desperately; time and again, it'd think about it, and then think against it because of the ever present aftermath. Accidentally catching a chunk of mushy banana with its tongue had it simultaneously recoiling and lurching forward. A ravenous appetite had always been a postmark of its being—to sustain its metabolism, it had to eat beyond logical reasoning—and this… stupid pair of bananas had ignited it. Despite its hesitation and disdain for the fruit, Alpha managed a single nibble before grimacing and breaking away from again. Before Vargas spoke again. "Orthoclase-Alpha, do you wish to return to Draco with me?" It immediately jerked its head upwards once, for that was all that it ever thought it'd wanted: for the Leviathan to allow it back; for him to still think it useful and worthwhile; for it to show that it could do what he asked of it—regardless of if it was Overseeing or fighting or training. It did not want to be alone, left to its own will to determine what to do. (Were Orthoclase-Alpha at all there, it would've growled and roared its hatred for how weak it'd become, how it'd barely even survived.) But—Alpha rescinded its answer with a heavy shake of its head. Hadn't they already, though? Someone had. Two of them. Who… ? @Vargas RE: A Hot Mess - Vargas - May 12 2021
@Orthoclase-Alpha RE: A Hot Mess - Orthoclase-Alpha - May 13 2021 It nodded its response, simple and short. Not even this obfuscating haze could drown out an ever-present desire to be the epitome of power, the apex predator, the capable and brutally efficient combatant. Even being on the absolute verge of living, grimacing—but not startling so much—as a third banana was lobbed into its burrow, wouldn't quell that. It was as essential to survival as oxygen, food, water, shelter; or, so the monstrous thing'd always led itself to believe. Right out of the chrysalis, fixated only on the physical concept of strength—nothing abstract, or as someone more sentimental might put it, internal. The problem was, then, that Alpha did not… know what it was supposed to do. The hole it was in extended far beyond the one it'd sequestered itself into. Its walls were soft, crumbling underfoot every time it tried to claw its way out, and even standing high enough to peer over its edge afforded it little by way of assistance. Nemesis had put herself halfway in to attempt helping, but it had refused. Vargas made his offerings of food and water, and it— "Do you want that?" … Alpha shook its head with a soft, indecipherable sort of noise. More from the chest than its overused throat. It was broken-up by the gullet-knot, almost… wet. Like a horrible hybrid of a sob and a cough. It wheezed a shuddering inhale. If it could not help itself, then how was it supposed to just… accept help from anyone else? Not expect the ranks of Draco awaiting its return with sneers and sharp teeth? For this to be an elaborate ploy—even the cat's warning? Was it all a game? Vargas couldn't—it snorted roughly, and warily nosed the bananas closer to the hole's opening; with just that one little nibble taken out of the one. It could not flee, and it was laying itself bare for the moment it managed to drag itself back into the open air. Much like a catfish (for lack of better description, really) it essentially slithered backwards into its den. Limbs shifted the absolute bare minimum amount to cram itself inside, and it curled up tight. At long last, the weak rattle of quills ceased, but—as if trading off—its ineffectively quick breathing ramped back up in the claustrophobic heat. If anyone lowered themselves enough to see inside the dark alcove, they'd find those dingy ol' eyes half-lidded, closing slowly with each passing, teary-eyed blink. It just wanted to sleep… a little while longer… @Vargas RE: A Hot Mess - Vargas - May 13 2021
@Orthoclase-Alpha RE: A Hot Mess - Orthoclase-Alpha - May 24 2021 Had that been the wrong answer, wanting to return to strength but away from Draco? Denying help? Was the paragon not independence and the capability of rebuilding oneself on their own (… even without clear and obvious directives?) As much as exhaustion—from this conversation alone, not even anything else that'd weighed on it for cycles—weighed down upon its stream of consciousness… the thoughts nagged. Made its hooked talons bite into its calloused palms until they were just about set to bleed; its jaw clench and unclench, tongue lapping at crooked teeth in anxious anticipation. Its stomach twisted uncomfortably in its gut, already halfway to rejecting the pathetic chunk of fruit within it. "You want to be strong, and return, but you don't want help in doing so." Exactly. "Are you capable of getting yourself food, water?" It blinked slowly, dragging itself away from the vague miasma of scenarios and situations unraveling in its mind. A half-formed thought fluttered out of its mouth before it had a good minute to think about it: Then, it drifted yet again; it faded faster and faster like the light of a star being pushed away by an ever-expanding universe. Dark matter always on the fritz, always growing. Coherency rippled away from sight, and the curtains nearly slipped close— Ah. It's nam—no, designation. There was an audible sound of it being startled awake while Vargas continued: "To leave you to recover? Can I trust you to find yourself food and water; are you strong enough to do that, physically?" It did not know how unsure it would sound answering "yes" a second time. Jaws worked uneasily around its panting, but it remained silent— "Or would you like me to remain, to at least assist you?" Him—its Master, always busy, always working—remaining here to provide… assistance. The orthoclase bucked against the thought instinctively, and a less logical (… moreso that most) part of its brain categorized the oh-so-clear cause to being that Vargas should not waste his time with this. There were creations to make, monsters to train, Lords to appease. Every passing moment here was a waste of time—and that was so precious, these days. (Not to Alpha, apparently. It'd wasted—how many? But… Was it so much of a waste? Surely the Master himself would not waste his own time chasing after things left in the lost and found; would not busy himself with a task made obsolete by his own position. If none of the other creatures of the Forge hadn't come after it, then why him? Why him, and why the rhinoceros it'd met once and gored halfway to Hell? Orthoclase-Alpha was not a creature of attachment; or, so it didn't believe itself to be, anyways. It'd liked fruit and exploring the Caves, learning things that were useless in the long run, sparring with new creatures and new magics. It hadn't minded, after a while, interacting with the regular run-of-the-mill Gembound that'd actually stayed behind the boundaries it put up. But, did it ever think those mattered to it… ? Even as it omitted any detail from reports like it were hiding them? Protecting them from being used as tools? (It sure hadn't bothered to cling to those memories as its mind gradually slipped away to Neverland, as they abruptly came into focus and filtered out through a lens blur—like it were seeing them at a far distance.) But, the orthoclase did think it was attached to something, at the very least: Vargas. He'd given life to its stone, and despite his general vague absence as it grew up and experienced all of the above, it'd… it looked up to him. Idolized him. Craved the raw power and strength he'd held—still holds. Fixated so deeply on that abstract concept of might that nothing else mattered. He was the closest thing it had to a father—without Vander around, without Hemlocke, without— The thought of Vargas leaving terrified it. Before, it had fled from certain death. Now, the reaper was just outside its door offering a hand with "mercy" written on it. Alpha could not read. It retreated deeper into its hideaway despite the now-desperate urge to crawl out. The desperate urge to creep out of the darkness, expose itself to the light, and just follow him back to a normal. To let the violet behemoth—who'd shown it nothing but flashes of brutality underlying a conservative sort of peaceful demeanor—whisk it back to Draco and make everything so monotonous and normal again. As nice as the thought was, it terrified it, too. What waited in Draco was unknown, even with certanties like Garnet-Delta—the cat. Worse still, though, was the Master himself. It wanted to make sure he didn't leave it behind, that it was still worthwhile, but even being a shred of vulnerable in proximity? Within reach? The orthoclase curled tighter in on itself, quills rattling weakly with the movement. It didn't want him to leave, but it didn't want him around. It didn't want to die, to have been tricked and see those arm-blades cleave through far more than just its face. Tears bled hot down its cheeks, but it didn't notice that; that, and the quiet sobs clawing their way through its body with no space to go into. It didn't know how long it'd been since Vargas last spoke, or if he'd even stopped. Vargas was surely too busy for it. The words tasted like blood in its mouth, and it wasn't because of the coppery tang flooding its horribly abused throat. @Vargas RE: A Hot Mess - Vargas - May 24 2021
@Orthoclase-Alpha |