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+--- Thread: Price of Morals, Cost of Love (/showthread.php?tid=11291)
Price of Morals, Cost of Love - Cadenza - May 05 2023
(Backdated Mid-April)
Time had passed since the encounter with the gembound that had attacked Gaheris, one of their precious children. Not much time, really, but enough to reflect. Cadenza did not regret their action, could not regret their action when Gaheris was healing from the attack still. And perhaps not regretting made it worse.
Cadenza was in the garden, and the children were asleep nearby. It was a peaceful place, if a bit cold, and the antlered dragon found themself absentmindedly attempting to cast a spell to warm the air slightly.
Magic was usually rather instinctive to them, after all. The air warmed up rather nicely.
Or, it would have been nice if not for them memories it brought.
For a moment, it was as if Cadenza was back there, feeling the heat let off into the distance by the localized surge of beyond-hot air.
And so Cadenza found themself quite suddenly retching, though nothing truly came up. They had not even noticed, but they had barely eaten since the event, so there was not much in their stomach to begin with.
@Sprig
RE: Price of Morals, Cost of Love - Sprig - May 05 2023
It was funny how home worked. At first, he had thought home meant simply a place of rest. Shelter. Something like that. It was what his home in Eridanus had been like, though it also housed his most prized possessions. His garden. But the more Sprig lingered on this thought, the more he realized that this was no longer the case. Instead of his garden being the first thing to appear on his mind when thinking about what he prized most, it was a certain white and blue dragon who appeared. Anyway, he had a new home now. One that was more than just a place to relax after a long days work. What this meant exactly he still wasn't sure of. But- perhaps it wasn't a completely horrible thing that his old home had been taken over by Order. Sprig could never have imagined thinking such a thought, but months had passed, and, well, he found that perhaps there was some luck in it after all the more he thought about it.
Despite how much he wished to stay with Cadenza and the children, Sprig had taken a trip out to investigate further how to solve the issue of Order, but also to collect new plants and cook up recipes. Orion was his home, but it wasn't exactly a cave that was receptive to his work. There was the garden of course, but to improve upon the garden one needed to collect specimens from beyond Orion. He didn't want to keep cooking up the same things over and over again, he needed variety! And he always loved surprising the dragon with whatever random recipe he had come up with.
But he had been gone for long enough. The lion's heart ached for home. And who was he to be deaf to its call? His sled loaded up with new plants and cooking tools, Sprig pulled it behind him as he approached the garden. It was easy to spot really, the only greenery in all of the desolate landscape. His hat occasionally flopped over his eyes in rhythm with his gait, making him look a bit funny. It wasn't often you saw a lion with a sled and hat. Though it wasn't often you saw a sled at all.
And there was the familiar white and blue up ahead. Cadenza! The thought leaped through his mind, and his increased his speed, though he forced himself to be slow enough that everything on his sled wouldn't fall off. "CADENZAAA! I'M BACK!" he called out, surprising himself with how loud he was. Sprig never yelled or shouted, and he hadn't realized how loud he could be. In fact, he felt a bit embarrassed by it.
But as he approached his... friend- he immediately noticed that Cadenza wasn't feeling well. They looked famished, and acted in a manner that told him they hadn't eaten very much. Good thing he was a chef! He could fix that! But something told him this was moreso a matter of mental rather than physically being unable to catch food or something. And they literally lived in a garden, so there was always endless food.
"Hey, I'm sorry for being gone for so long. Are you alright? What happened?" The lion stepped out from the rope in front and walked up to the dragon. The things he had collected along with the cool things he had brought to show the family were forgotten, immediately replaced by concern. Sprig reached out with his magic, immediately being hit by a wall of emotion. What had he missed in the time he had been gone? He should've been home!
@Cadenza
RE: Price of Morals, Cost of Love - Cadenza - May 06 2023
Even in their pitiful state, Cadenza could not help the feeling that rose in them when they heard Sprig announcing his presence, an incredibly positive emotion that they had not been able to put a name to. But the brief happiness quickly turned to dread as they considered what he might think of their action.
The concern the lion displayed towards them felt undeserved. "...Gaheris got hurt," They started, slow and hesitant. But Cadenza was quicker with their next statement. "But she is healing well." Still, Cadenza could not bear to look at Sprig. They were anxious of what their next few statements would provoke.
"...Another gembound attacked her, hurt her..." They trailed off briefly, trying to steel their nerves. Their musical voice became hushed. "I... I killed that gembound." Cadenza considered justifying their actions, but they could not bear to. It did not change the truth of the matter, after all.
"...While I cannot light a fire with my magic alone, I can heat the air up, as you know... I... It might have been kinder to incinerate that gembound than what I did. I think- ...I know I heated the air up to such a degree that it boiled that gembound alive." There was no other way to say it.
Cadenza continued to stare blankly at the ground, not daring to move their gaze. Awaiting judgement.
@Sprig
RE: Price of Morals, Cost of Love - Sprig - May 07 2023
Something was wrong. Really, really wrong. Sprig sat down next to the dragon, allowing his tail to lightly brush against their scales. He felt his heart drop at the mention of Gaheris. Despite Cadenza's next words assuring him that she was fine, a cold wave of regret washed over him. Why had he left? He should've stayed home. He should've been here to watch over them, to protect them. That was his duty as a parent. How could he have messed it up so badly? But there was more to be said, and he let Cadenza continue.
Sprig felt shame squeeze his heart with an iron grip at the mention that it had been another gembound that had attacked Gaheris. He- this was all his fault. They were his children. His responsibility as well as Cadenza's. What if she had died? He would never have forgiven himself. No, he would never leave again. So lost was he in his own thoughts that the lion almost missed their next words. Surely he was hearing things wrong? There was no way, no way...
"Cadenza..." he breathed out the name, stare empty as he left the truth sink in. Sprig could not imagine the dragon hurting a single soul. Despite their size, Cadenza had always been peace-loving. And not only killed- tortured. But it had been to protect Gaheris. It had. It had. Repeat it. It had been to protect Gaheris.
He needed to feel. To understand how Cadenza was feeling. Sprig knew it wouldn't be positive emotions, but it was a sacrifice he needed to make. The lion reached out with his magic- and it came. He had asked for a wave, and here came a tsunami. It reached out- made him feel. Pain, sadness, regret, shame- he couldn't take it, the intensity of the emotions amplified to an extent far beyond what he had planned for. He was spiraling, pulled underwater by the waves. It was suffocating him, crushing his heart into little pieces to be swept away by the tide of pain.
"I can't I can't I can't- make it stop. Make it stop!" the lion curled into a ball, but his thoughts were merciless, joining in the relentless assault. If he had been there, Cadenza wouldn't have needed to bear the burden of killing a gembound. If he had been there, it would have been him doing the deed. He could have spared them to guilt. The pain. This was all his fault. His fault. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Cadenza. I'm sorry..."
@Cadenza
RE: Price of Morals, Cost of Love - Cadenza - May 07 2023
Their name was breathed out, the shock clear in Sprig's voice. It shocked Cadenza still at times, a disbelief that they had done such a thing. Cadenza had never wanted to fight, let alone kill. And yet, that was exactly what they had done. They had to accept the reality of the situation, a reality where they had become a killer.
It hurt them, to have gone against their peaceful nature. But, they would do anything for their children. It was that all-consuming love that had triggered this. How they regretted that they could not truly regret the act. A deep shame for their actions. Complete and utter devastation.
Sprig was quiet, until he suddenly was not. Cadenza jolted at the outburst, looking towards Sprig who curled up in visible suffering. At first, they thought it was because of them, but then he was apologizing and it did not make sense anymore.
Cadenza did not know what was wrong, but they were afraid. Had some kind of mental magic user attacked Sprig? Yet as they hurriedly looked around, they saw nothing. Maybe... Maybe it was just a breakdown because of the overwhelming situation. Their fault. Guilt.
All they could do was try to comfort Sprig. They almost hesitated to move close, brief thoughts regarding being unworthy of being close when Sprig was so good and they were so clearly not even if they had once been. But if Sprig was apologizing to them, then he still cared.
Gently, carefully, the dragon nuzzled Sprig with their snout. "It is not your fault, Sprig," They promised. "Please, you do not have to apologize." But, if they were breaking down this intensely, they did not know what would help themself, let alone what would help Sprig in this situation.
Sprig was so very important to Cadenza. It was unbearable to see him suffer.
A sudden realization dawned on the pale antlered dragon. "I love you, Sprig. I love you. Please, please, if there is any way I can help you, tell me. I want to be here for you always. I am sorry."
Of course, Cadenza had no way of identifying that their own feelings were romantic love. They had no idea what romantic love was. They just knew they loved Sprig in some way.
It was different than the way they loved their children and also different from the way they loved their dads, but it was undoubtedly love. And it made sense it was different. Sprig was special, one of a kind, so it made sense that their love for him felt unique too.
@Sprig
RE: Price of Morals, Cost of Love - Sprig - May 10 2023
Sprig became aware of a new sensation as the pain lessened. Was it because the spell had faded? Or was it because Cadenza was feeling something different? A warm feeling. One that made him feel like he could fly, like everything in the world was alright. Love. Though he didn't know it yet.
He opened his eyes to see Cadenza, noticing the concern evident in their gaze. The lion instantly felt guilty, he hadn't wanted to make them worried about him! They were the one who needed comforting. And now it had become the other way around. "No, I'm sorry Cadenza. I should've been there. I could've helped. So you wouldn't have had to-" he pulled away from the dragon's touch, no matter how much it hurt him to do so. He didn't deserve whatever it what they felt for him. None of it. But the musical voice, oh so beautiful and exhilarating and uplifting and- everything. It told him otherwise. Sprig found himself at a loss for words, trying to swallow his emotions that were threatening to burst out.
He wanted to undo everything. He wanted to go back to before any of this happened and saved the dragon from their despair. He wanted to say- "I love you too." Sprig almost couldn't believe what had slipped out of his mouth. Had he really just done that? Yes. "I love you." he said again, with more weight to his words. "And no matter what you do, I'll always love you. It- it was to protect those you love. I would've- done the same." Sprig leaned over to press his body against the dragon. "Thank you. For everything."
It felt like everything was the same as it had always been yet at the same time like his world had turned upside down. They had given their hearts to each other. In no world could he have imagined this. That he would ever love someone like he had loved Adonia- no, it was different. That one had been warm, persisting and silent. This kind of love lifted him up until he was almost convinced that he was flying, that made him feel like he could do anything yet also told him that he already had everything. Cadenza was everything. Sprig thought this had to be a dream. But it wasn't a dream. And that was the best part.
But he didn't know if it was romantic. Or what it was at all. It could've been anything really. But maybe he didn't want to place a label on it. It defied any such boundaries, it defied feelings even. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered except the fact that they loved him, and he loved them. And in that moment, it was just the two of them.
@Cadenza
RE: Price of Morals, Cost of Love - Cadenza - Aug 10 2023
Sprig pulled away, and for a moment Cadenza feared it was disgust of them. But the words that had proceeded the action contradicted such emotion. Sprig was still apologizing, and it was not his fault, it had been their choice even if it had been a horribly limited choice. It had still been something they had chosen and gone through with. Killing to protect.
They wanted to hate themself for what they had done, but then Sprig spoke again and... How could Cadenza hate themself if Sprig loved them? They could never hate anything that mattered to Sprig, and they... They mattered to Sprig. He was back close again, pressing against their scaled body and Cadenza let out a wordless croon at the returned sentiment, awed.
Slowly, they soak in this feeling, but their mind returns back to the topic before.
"...I wish I did not have to have done it," Their musical voice trembles as the dragon tries to regain composure. "I do not regret it, yet I wish that I could. I knew that I would do anything to protect our children, yet I did not think I would ever be pushed to that point."
For since the children hatched, the children have always been both of theirs, not simply Cadenza's but Sprig's as well.
"The feeling of casting magic makes me feel sick now at times, simply remembering and..." They closed their eyes momentarily and then shook their head.
"...I should be the one thanking you. You are a miracle to me, the beauty of life embodied in a being. More than that, the most important of all, you are Sprig," Their musical voice is gentler now, not shaking anymore. "And I love you."
They are grounded, with Sprig by their side. For the first time since what happened, Cadenza can feel peace. Whether or not they deserve it feels farther away.
@Sprig