after midnight we're all the same

The plan had been put into motion. Zoey didn't remember most of it; her memories had been locked away into a safe, and the key to unlock it left with one of the Chaos Forge. There had been a letter she had written to herself, explaining to her future self what she wanted to do. Enough to put trust in herself that she had done everything she needed to do to protect herself, and the Chaos Forge, but freeing herself to indulge in a curiosity and a desperation that had lingered in the back of her mind ever since...

It had been cycles ago, but she knew that Juggernaut would not have forgotten her. It was just a matter of if he was here. Even if he wasn't... Her golden eyes scanned the dusty, bone-filled room, and caught sight of spores and the occasional, empty-eyed lesser. Mother was here, the one that was of Hive.

... Would he come, if she called? She found her heart missing him, strangely, though an unknown conflict lingered in the back of her mind. She had all her memories of Juggernaut: of the pain he had inflicted upon her (to shed one another's blood, was that not...) and the threat to her and the Chaos Forge he represented. Yet she... She longed for another chance to connect, to explain, to take his offer and give him the chance to share in the way he had been so desperate to.

"Juggernaut!" The zoisite grub called, her voice a gravelly rumble through the air. "Are you here? If you aren't-- will you come? I want to speak to you. I mean no harm. I come with hope that we can connect." Her mandibles clicked together as she hesitated.

What would happen if he didn't come? There was a faint fear through her heart: what if the Hive ambushed her? But if they had wanted her dead, they would have killed her all those cycles ago. Surely... Surely.

The distance between the Juggernaut and the things he’d been avoiding snapped shut around him, teeth digging into soft, healing flesh. Sometimes he wished he felt less.

His efforts to busy himself had been a subconscious avoidance, though useful enough to the Hive that his work remained uninterrupted. He had begun to lose track of the new points along the network, but there was talk of a child - a true one, like the foal he’d encountered cycles ago. He knew neither of the parents, and had made little effort to personally introduce himself. The distance helped, yes, but there was a growing isolation. He was not fond of the feeling.

He had been in the area when Zoey called, just within earshot. The network hummed with wordless interest. He was unsure if the will that drew him was Mother’s this time.

It would be a few minutes before he arrived. The drone navigated the caves, the walls scraping against his feathers, threatening to trap him if he wasn’t strategic about his movement. Everything around him seemed to tighten through the carapace. It was difficult to keep his breathing steady.

Mother watches. Mother sings. He would never suffer alone. Not like the Zoisite.

The rhythmic pace of his march echoed down the corridors long before he came into view. ”Zoey.” He returned, searching for a response. ”Welcome back.” He left space between them, the shifting of his weight from leg to leg well hidden. He exuded an inherent neutrality, an ability to reason that was absolutely absent from his brain. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to be here again, and maybe he’d never be.

”Speak?”

Relief came all the same when Juggernaut did come, clattering across the dusty cavern with a grace that seemed nigh impossible for such a large behemoth. But she was always romanticizing the monstrous, so was it really any surprise that she saw him as graceful in that moment? Even as his carapace and feathers scraped the stone?

She greeted him with a familiar show of peace: a flourishing of many golden, glowing wings, faint mimicry of his own meteor's flight.

"Thank you," to be welcomed by the enemy-- it was strange. And yet, she felt more and more certain that they weren't enemies. They fought in a war against one another, but they were both living and breathing and thinking things, creatures that loved and died by the desperate instinct to protect their own.

"I was hoping," she said, haltingly at first, but then her mandibles clicked together a bit quicker, "that I could take your offer. You said I could return to my chrysalis after, yes?" She scuttled a bit closer, tilting her head back further-- pointing her weapons away and searching with her golden eyes. "I know you offered it for my pain, and this time, there is no pain... But I wanted us to... Understand each other, better."

It was a wish she had made recently, but it had been wiped from her mind. She had no idea, in that moment, that such magic walked through the cave. Her Master's own wish had given her the power to take those memories from her, and memories of Master Vargas in particular was wiped thoroughly out of her mind, leaving only the understanding that he was the leader of the Chaos Forge.

"... and it makes sense," she added, "that I make myself vulnerable, as a show of trust." Baring her throat to the enemy, asking them for so much more than sparing her. What she was asking was a dangerous thing: a spark of light, of hope, that peace could be found between their peoples.

But Zoey was nothing if not a hopeful sort.

Juggernaut attempted to return the greeting, but for the first time the magic failed to take. It wondered what would've happened if it did - if it would become a betrayal.

It was without clear direction, something that never lasted long. Did Mother still approve? If She did not, it would act all the same. It was a son first, a… Whatever it was to the grub second. If the violence was beyond its control, would the sickness leave? Would it reach a cartharsis? Or would it settle where it was, corrupting him from the inside?

No. He was unchanging. He was steadfast. He was the stone wall of the Hive. He would only be broken when claws shattered his defences and his consciousness returned fully into Mother’s embrace. Not by these thoughts. Not by these feelings.

But perhaps this wouldn’t come to pass. It stiffened, taken aback. Perhaps it’d done better than it’d realised. It scraped from the closest tuft, careful not to dig at the roots. There’d been enough damage done to this colony.

With a tendril, it left the fungus before Zoey yet again. ”As you wish.” He hoped this would keep the praetors at bay, if only for a moment longer. It’d be a shame if this were all for naught - though it’d never be with Mother at the helm.

There was no reading Juggernaut, but there was often no reading many of the carapaced monsters that described the Chaos Forge and the Hive. She had come this far, however, and he did not move to attack her or chase her off. Why would he? This was what he had wanted, back then.

... and now, she finally felt safe enough to try.

Her mandibles clicked together, and she craned her head down and sniffed at the fungus, inhaling with a deep breath. She did not expect it to smell good, or taste good-- but it was revolting. She nearly gagged on it: it was like tasting oil, something that she shuttered to think of. But all the same, she swallowed it down.

She did not know what to expect from here, but she tried to keep an open mind.

MOTHER

My Children

The mold held a rotten odor, as always. Like decay, the same as its taste: foul. Yet what it offered was anything but.

Once consumed, the threads of Hive immediately began to weave, slicking through neurons and threading exponentially quickly through Zoey's body.

Chemical induction. The gentle floods of approval and safety and warmth. It was a sensation of well-being, like a long-lost mother finding her child, cradling them to her breast, and whispering that all was well. A hug, in neurochemical form.

The connection would take time to grow. Days, to hear Mother's voice or to connect truly to the Hive, enough to link to other members. But already there were flickers of innate knowledge.

Mother's children are all loved. Mother is everywhere. Mother is in all things. Her family extends throughout existence and all are one.

Juggernaut, in the meantime, would have only reassurance. This creature, here, could still prove to be an ~~asset~~ ally. A ~~spy~~ sister. The Praetors, while always near, were not approaching. The situation was monitored, but this beloved son was trusted to handle this, though of course... Mother would offer her guidance, if need be.

Right now, simply the possibility of reaching through to one of Them was enough, though precautions would need to be made that Zoey did not learn too much, and bring it back with her. While Mother could safeguard the Hivemind from one linked member, nothing was foolproof and a creature of the House of Chaos was a dangerous spy to have within their network.

To that end, Mother was already thinking, though it contained possibilities she had gone over after the pair's first meeting. In essence, it went like this:

"Should she remain linked long enough to join our shared mind, she must stay with us forever. Otherwise this link must be severed. Three days..." Mother estimated, though such things were never entirely certain.

He felt Mother shift closer as a new connection flickered weakly to life, her gaze burning down on the two of them as it did. Nothing had changed. He had still yet to fail her - a ridiculous thought. He was incapable of doing so, and he was embarrassed to have ever thought otherwise.

Proceed.

Before it was a new point on the network, but it occurred now that this connection would not reach its full potential, not immediately, and certainly not in the little time they had. It knew that she was not here to stay, no matter how much it willed her to.

The warm buzz it emanated would not make its way down the fragile line. Zoey remained distant. ”How do you… Feel? Do you understand?" It did not need to see their mind to know that they couldn’t.

The flood through her emotions was not an unknown feeling, but it was so suddenly thrust upon her in response to the fungus that it sent her mentally reeling. It reminded her-- painfully-- of a scarred face with sickly green eyes staring down on her-- and then... Nothing. The memory slipped through her talons, gone, inaccessible.

A wetness filled her eyes, comforted by a stranger who did not know her, who by all accounts was her enemy. She knew that some of these things were not true: Mother wasn't everywhere, but-- this feeling. It left her with more questions, more confusion. She couldn't even place some of the questions, that floated strangely through the holes in her mind. What did Past-Zoey have to hide...?

The Juggernaut's voice broke the spell, momentarily, and her head jerked up to look at him. "I..." A rasping breath was drawn harshly into her lungs. Steady, she thought, shifting her weight evenly across her legs, locking the joints before they collapsed on her.

"... I feel... Sad," she answered, soft and gentle. "... What am I supposed to understand?"

The frustration grew again, a nagging sensation that tugged softly on his limbs, hoping to drive them inward to scratch this impossible itch. It wasn’t enough, it would never be enough. Every attempt to bridge this gap felt like dragging himself across the sand again: Inch by painful inch.

He could feel only the ghost of its mind. The feelings reflected in its eyes remained alien. They would continue to speak, and he would be forced to reply. At least he hadn’t worn out his throat so quickly this time.

But though the silence stretched long, her voice drew him away from it and the useless thoughts it brought. ”Connection.” A sigh from somewhere beneath his feathers. ”It will come, with time.

”Why sadness?” He’d assumed this would be a joyful experience, as it had been for him - though he had the privilege of never knowing anything else.

Why sadness? It was a good question. It was one that she felt like she should be able to answer, but in that moment she drew a blank.

"... I don't know," she said. "I understand why you are happy," the words clicked easily from her mandibles, "your mother shares her love. It is... A comfort, to be loved." There was something else, nagging at her, and she fretted over it.

"This connection... You all share these... Feelings? Freely? Constantly?" Something about it felt daunting, overwhelming, and wrong. She felt safe and nestled in the comfort of it, but--... There was a quiet whisper of knowledge that this would be too much for those who felt little, that it would overwhelm any sense of self. But she could not piece it together yet, as new and strange as it was.

Zoey tilted her head. "I have a magic that is similar. It lets me feel as others feel. It is not the same as giving my feelings to another as your mother does," she considered, "I could put my magic into a thing..." She glanced around, seeing only the old bones and dust that littered Canis. "Like a bone, or..."

One of the nearby bones had a band of metal wrapped around it-- a silver bracer with worn leather straps. She reached out to it with a talon, drawing it close, and fidgeted to unhook it from the bone without destroying the aged material. It could probably wrap around one of his tendrils fairly comfortably... Maybe? "If I gave it to you, you may be able to share in my feelings?" She did not know if her feelings stretched out to him; but since he had asked her how she felt, aloud, she figured it was at least... some kind of suggestion, right?