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+--- Thread: all of my days (/showthread.php?tid=4321)
all of my days - Fira - Jun 29 2017
At some point, Fira must have fallen asleep beside the Crystal River and… never woken back up. When she awoke again, many cycles later, she was curled up, covered in some kind of sticky liquid, and it was very dark. Opening her eyes caused the liquid to get into her eyes, so she kept them closed and stayed calm. For some reason, she didn’t need to breathe. And then it hit her. She was inside a chrysalis again. She had… hibernated, it seemed. Her last memory was… almost drowning in the river when the lion and the bear found her. How long ago had that been?
Putting aside her questions for the moment, she expended her energy breaking out of her maw-sit-sit egg. It took some effort, which didn’t surprise her. She'd been very weak when she’d fallen into her hibernation, still depressed from Destiny’s… death. Gods. She really needed to get over that, didn’t she? It had caused her to forget all about her two children and… everything around her. Jeez. Way to go, Fira, becoming so depressed you just forgot to live. Well. At least she’d gone into hibernation and hadn’t just curled up and died. That woulda sucked.
When she broke free and stumbled out into the world of the Cave once more, she had to blink hard a few times to get used to the light… The light. Hadn’t it been dark before? The lights had been off for a long while there. Somehow while she’d been Asleep, they’d come back on. She looked around, feeling a bit better about the world for the first time in a long time. Her eyes fell on the den she’d once shared with Destiny, the rocks and pretty things she’d left there still scattered about as she’d placed them. No one had disturbed it. Good.
She stood up fully, stretching her limbs and feeling… somehow right with the world.
Putting aside her questions for the moment, she expended her energy breaking out of her maw-sit-sit egg. It took some effort, which didn’t surprise her. She'd been very weak when she’d fallen into her hibernation, still depressed from Destiny’s… death. Gods. She really needed to get over that, didn’t she? It had caused her to forget all about her two children and… everything around her. Jeez. Way to go, Fira, becoming so depressed you just forgot to live. Well. At least she’d gone into hibernation and hadn’t just curled up and died. That woulda sucked.
When she broke free and stumbled out into the world of the Cave once more, she had to blink hard a few times to get used to the light… The light. Hadn’t it been dark before? The lights had been off for a long while there. Somehow while she’d been Asleep, they’d come back on. She looked around, feeling a bit better about the world for the first time in a long time. Her eyes fell on the den she’d once shared with Destiny, the rocks and pretty things she’d left there still scattered about as she’d placed them. No one had disturbed it. Good.
She stood up fully, stretching her limbs and feeling… somehow right with the world.
@Joy possibly?
RE: all of my days - Joy - Jun 29 2017
Joy stumbled through the area. After his breakdown earlier, he managed to pick himself up, get something to eat once the lights came on, and walked around. His mind felt numb, and he refused to think about Destiny, Fira, and Emendri. Thinking about them made him feel terrible, made everything feel terrible, made the walls feel like they were closing in.
He hadn't spoken in ages. He couldn't bring himself to try. It made the walls seem to collapse, and that paired with thinking about the ones he had lost made it unbearable. So he would deal with not speaking, so long as he didn't think about his family. He would live. He'd make it through, one way or another.
He was walking along when he realized he had stumbled upon his old den. Immediately, his chest began to constrict. Why had he come across this place? He was about to hurry away when a sound caught his attention. A gem, cracking? Was someone here? He wasn't sure he wanted to stay, to continue, but he did so anyway, curiosity getting the better of him.
It wasn't until he saw her that he began to regret his decision. He had thought she was dead. He'd never come across her body, unlike with Destiny, but he hadn't found her alive either. Until now. He stood there, a dumbstruck look on his face, before uttering a single word, slowly walking closer. "M-mom?"
@Fira
RE: all of my days - Fira - Jun 29 2017
Lost in her memories, she hadn’t noticed the sound of pitter-pattering. It didn’t register that anyone was nearby until she heard the word that caused her heart to break immediately. ’M-mom?’ Fira choked on nothing, whipping her head around to see who had said that word. That word. It had been so long, but the name was engraved into her brain. “Joy,” she said, quietly, trying to figure out what emotion was bubbling to the surface. She wasn’t good with emotions. Never had been. She was happy, but it seemed subdued. “You’re alive,” what she said next, and that’s when the dam burst on her emotions. She charged forward towards her son, butting her head against his in a show of affection — and then realized that maybe he didn’t know what he was feeling, either, and maybe didn’t wanna be touched.
She backed up a step or two, allowing him to come to her if he wanted to. “I… I’m sorry,” was all she could offer. “I’m sorry, Joy. I thought…” She hesitated to use the word dead with her own son but in looking at him, she realized he was already grown up, and decided not to sugar coat things. “I thought you had died along with Destiny.” Wait. But Fira had never found a body. She’d just assumed that her wife had died, along with their children. But if Joy was alive then… “Is Destiny… is Destiny with you? Is she alive, too?” It was a shot in the dark, but Fira had to know. What if she’d been wrong all along?
She backed up a step or two, allowing him to come to her if he wanted to. “I… I’m sorry,” was all she could offer. “I’m sorry, Joy. I thought…” She hesitated to use the word dead with her own son but in looking at him, she realized he was already grown up, and decided not to sugar coat things. “I thought you had died along with Destiny.” Wait. But Fira had never found a body. She’d just assumed that her wife had died, along with their children. But if Joy was alive then… “Is Destiny… is Destiny with you? Is she alive, too?” It was a shot in the dark, but Fira had to know. What if she’d been wrong all along?
@Joy
RE: all of my days - Joy - Jun 29 2017
Seeing Fira whip her head around to look at him made him feel something. He didn't know what. Relief, because she was alive? Because she actually remembered him? It had been so long. He'd been alone for too long. He flicked a very tiny ear and watched as she rushed over to him, immediately butting her head against his. He bristled and didn't move, unsure how to react. When she backed away, he relaxed slightly.
He listened to her as she spoke, hesitating slightly in her words. When she said that she thought he had died, he bristled slightly. Why, he didn't know. He had thought she was dead too. "No, I'm not dead," he murmured silently. While he wasn't dead, it felt like he may as well be. Before, he had lost all hope. But now, there was some hope, though it was little. He had found Fira.
At her next words, he sighed. So she didn't even know for certain that Destiny was dead. "I-I'm sorry. I tried to be there for her last moments, but it was too late, I was too late. She died, and no one was there." He lowered his head in shame. He had noticed too late that she was dying, actually dying, and by the time he found out, it was all over. She was gone.
@Fira
RE: all of my days - Fira - Jul 03 2017
OOC: Sorry for the wait!
Fira could see that Joy didn’t, in fact, want to be touched. Some small part of her felt a pang of hurt when he seemed to flinch away from her. But she immediately squashed that feeling, understanding exactly what it was like to be touched when she didn’t want to be touched. She had never been touchy-feely like Destiny. Often, her wife had been the one to initiate intimate touches, and Fira had had to learn to accept these advances even when she didn’t really… feel anything when they happened. Something else she regretted, if she was honest with herself… She sighed.
When her son began speaking, Fira couldn’t help the hunch in her shoulders. Gods. So Joy had been right there when Destiny had died. Fira didn’t know if she’d been able to deal with that. She shook her head slowly, unsure how to comfort her son, if she could at all. “Joy…” she began, hearing her voice crack. She cleared it, sat up straighter, looked her son in the eye, or tried to. He was looking at the ground and she didn’t want to try to force him to look at her. “Joy,” she said again, more firmly. “Listen to me. Destiny was going to die no matter what any of us did. It wasn’t your fault. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I… I should have been there when she died.” She lost herself for a moment, feeling tears threatening, causing her eyes to burn. She squeezed them shut for a moment and forced herself to focus on the present moment. No more feeling sorry for herself. She had to live — for Joy if not for herself.
Then an idea struck her. “See that den over there?” she asked, motioning behind her son. “That’s where we used to live. All of us together. I cleaned it out, and blocked the entrance, but I left pretty stones and things around the front of it. I think your mother would have liked that, don’t you? We can go there now if you want, and talk to… her spirit, or… whatever you want to call it. I’m sure she’ll hear us from wherever she is. Or you can go there alone. I don’t have to come, if there are things you want to say to her in private. What do you think?” Her voice was soft. She hoped she was doing this right. She realized she’d never really… parented before. At all. And she’d been away from her kids for so long that they’d grown up in her absence. Wow. What a fuck up, she thought to herself. Well… She was here now, right? Didn’t that count for something?
When her son began speaking, Fira couldn’t help the hunch in her shoulders. Gods. So Joy had been right there when Destiny had died. Fira didn’t know if she’d been able to deal with that. She shook her head slowly, unsure how to comfort her son, if she could at all. “Joy…” she began, hearing her voice crack. She cleared it, sat up straighter, looked her son in the eye, or tried to. He was looking at the ground and she didn’t want to try to force him to look at her. “Joy,” she said again, more firmly. “Listen to me. Destiny was going to die no matter what any of us did. It wasn’t your fault. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I… I should have been there when she died.” She lost herself for a moment, feeling tears threatening, causing her eyes to burn. She squeezed them shut for a moment and forced herself to focus on the present moment. No more feeling sorry for herself. She had to live — for Joy if not for herself.
Then an idea struck her. “See that den over there?” she asked, motioning behind her son. “That’s where we used to live. All of us together. I cleaned it out, and blocked the entrance, but I left pretty stones and things around the front of it. I think your mother would have liked that, don’t you? We can go there now if you want, and talk to… her spirit, or… whatever you want to call it. I’m sure she’ll hear us from wherever she is. Or you can go there alone. I don’t have to come, if there are things you want to say to her in private. What do you think?” Her voice was soft. She hoped she was doing this right. She realized she’d never really… parented before. At all. And she’d been away from her kids for so long that they’d grown up in her absence. Wow. What a fuck up, she thought to herself. Well… She was here now, right? Didn’t that count for something?
@Joy
RE: all of my days - Joy - Jul 03 2017
Joy didn't look up at Fira, not even when he heard her voice crack. He continued to look down at his feet. As she continued talking, her voice more firm this time, he still didn't look up. He simply flicked a tiny ear. When she finished talking, he looked up, if just barely. Her eyes were closed, perhaps fighting tears. He hadn't been able to cry in so long, not since he saw Destiny was dead. After that moment, no matter how hard he tried, tears refused to come.
As she spoke again, he looked up fully and toward the den. It looked vaguely familiar. He had never really looked at it properly. His gaze traveled over it as Fira spoke. When she was finished, he turned his sight back to her. Talk to her? He wasn't sure what he would even say. That he was sorry? That he missed her? She'd never been all that present in her life. Neither had Fira, but at least she was trying. He could appreciate that, at least.
"I'd like to...talk to her alone," he murmured quietly, pausing for a moment before slowly walking over and looking at the stones around the front. He sat down, and tried to think of something to say. For someone who once would speak a lot, who hated silence, he couldn't decide what to say. He stayed there for a moment until he quietly sighed. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. We all knew this was happening, but not when. And when it did happen, no one was there. I was too late. Too late to properly say goodbye. I guess this is my chance now. To properly say goodbye. So...goodbye. I wish I could have been there for you. Or, if not me, at least someone else. I wish you hadn't been alone in your last moments.
"I...met someone. Before I came across Fira. Someone who said he knew you, had come across you many times. Even before your gem started hurting you. ...And, right when it did. Or so he said. His name was Rimese. When he found out you were dead, he was very distraught. I think...I think he loved you. He didn't say it outright, but it definitely seemed like it. He seemed to hate the fact that he loved you. Whether it was because you were with Fira, or that he knew you were going to die and he didn't want to get attached, he never said."
Joy paused. It had been a while since he had seen the red fox, and briefly wondered how he was now. When they parted ways, he had seemed distraught. That was to be expected, though. It made him wonder how many knew Destiny. She always said how she would greet the newly hatched, letting the first they saw to be a friendly face. As she grew older, though, it seemed she did that less and less. She would still try though. At least, as far as he could recall, she would. He never did see her much. Or anyone, really.
He had no idea what happened to Emendri, but that didn't matter at the moment. While Destiny was gone, he still had Fira, and he'd make the most of having one of his parents back.
@Fira
(...this ended up being longer than expected, haha. oops cx)
RE: all of my days - Fira - Jul 03 2017
Fira nodded and let Joy walk away from her, remaining quiet. She didn’t want to disturb him and she didn’t feel the need to listen to anything he might be saying to her wife. So, she turned away from him, her back facing the den, and stared out across the river that had been a permanent feature in her life for so long. She swallowed, forcing the bad emotions to fizzle out. Things would get better. They had to. That was just how life worked. You couldn’t be sad forever, or it would kill you, like it had almost killed her. She realized now how selfish she had really been all those cycles ago… Almost drowning herself in the waters of the Crystal River.
What if she’d succeeded? Fira shuddered at the thought. Gods… What if Joy had come across her body, too? All alone in the Caves, then… What would he have done if he’d lost both parents? She didn’t know what had come of Emendri, but… for now it seemed to be just her and Joy. She swore to herself she’d be there for him as much as she could. Maybe… Maybe they should move. Maybe go to Eridanus, where the hunting was better and she felt more at home. To be honest, Polaris had been Destiny’s home, never really Fira’s, not even after all this time. She'd stayed because she knew the river made Destiny happy, and later because it helped her with the platypus’ pain. But now… there was nothing here but memories of her old life. Maybe it would be good to… get away.
Lost in thought, she let Joy take all the time he needed.
What if she’d succeeded? Fira shuddered at the thought. Gods… What if Joy had come across her body, too? All alone in the Caves, then… What would he have done if he’d lost both parents? She didn’t know what had come of Emendri, but… for now it seemed to be just her and Joy. She swore to herself she’d be there for him as much as she could. Maybe… Maybe they should move. Maybe go to Eridanus, where the hunting was better and she felt more at home. To be honest, Polaris had been Destiny’s home, never really Fira’s, not even after all this time. She'd stayed because she knew the river made Destiny happy, and later because it helped her with the platypus’ pain. But now… there was nothing here but memories of her old life. Maybe it would be good to… get away.
Lost in thought, she let Joy take all the time he needed.
@Joy
RE: all of my days - Joy - Jul 12 2017
Joy stayed at the entrance for a moment, staring at the stones that lay around it. He wasn't sure what else to say. If he even had anything else to say. He sat there, eyes becoming unfocused as he became lost in thought. When he stopped speaking, it had become oh so silent. He could hear the river as it moved, but that was the only sound. Everything else had gone quiet.
Once, quiet was something he avoided as best he could. It was something that would make him panic, make him do anything to make noise. But now, he had become used to that. When Destiny died, he was alone. The silence had always been the worst at that point. And then the lights turned off, and he was once again reminded that he was alone. He never came across anyone for a while. It was just him. He had almost become convinced that he was the only gembound to walk these caves.
And then he met Rimese. He was reminded that he wasn't alone. That there were others in the cave. It gave him hope, something that lasted long enough for the lights to turn back on. He went back to wandering, and eventually found his mom, the one that was still alive. He glanced over at her briefly before turning back. Now he definitely wasn't alone. He had his mom, and that was enough for him.
Joy got up and walked over to where Fira was, and sat down beside her, gazing out into the river. He didn't speak, simply sat there. He didn't know what he would say to her, so he deemed it better to just stay silent. If she wanted to talk, he'd let her start the conversation.
@Fira (sorry it's so late ;n;)