She continued to stumble through Polaris, burning pain shooting up her injured legs before, with a finality, they gave way beneath her and she felt flat on the stone, about halfway between the strange rings and the cave she called a home. She was breathing heavily, a bit of panic in her chest. How was she going to get home like this? How was she going to do anything like this? She still needed to tell Aure about what she'd done and the decision she'd made, she needed to restart her life! A second chance!

She sniffled and tried to move her legs but they were so sore, they merely budged weakly as she begged them to move. No, no, she was stronger then this! She was going to learn all the spells in the world, hold every magic possible in her pawpads! She was going to do it! But even looking through her vast repertoire of spells that she carried, she couldn't think of a single one that would help her right now. So she went limp, defeated, glazed eyes just staring ahead where the Spire sparkled in the distance. Is this where it's going to end? Right near where it started?

She was silent as she stared forward. It would probably happen any moment now - the heart on her cheek would expand and cradle her gently while her limbs healed from the burns. But...she considered...just...not. Resisting the urge. Letting her body stop functioning right here and now because that was easier then facing everything that she had created, all of the problems she had made in her life. It was easier then fixing things. Besides, when had her attempts to make things right ever gone anything but wrong?

Aure's voice jerked her out of her thoughts and she looked back instinctively, head and ears raising as he got closer. Immediately, her heart began to speed up until it was racing in her chest. Was this happening now? When she was on the floor burned and on the edge of her chrysalis? While she was contemplating just letting her life end now?

"Aure..." her voice cracked a bit as she looked at him. "I don't...I don't know. I wanted to talk but..." She gulped. "I w-was scared, I guess?" Okay, okay, calm down. Her heart just kept beating fast, terrified, pumping adrenaline through her veins. She wanted to run. She didn't want to fight, she wanted to flee, but she couldn't, not with her legs like this.

She looked back and away, eyes desperately looking for something to stare at (not the Spire). As if called by her desperation, a wisp popped into existence in front of her eyes and began dancing in front of her, giving her something to stare at as she tried to piece her head back together.

"O-only if...you want to talk to me."

He had never talked to her like this. His voice had never sounded this way. Not when she'd blown up, not during their hesitant talk over the last time she'd had an episode in front of him. He sounded so scared and she knew that she hadn't just scared him, he was still scared of her. She'd messed up - hard - and there was no going back this time. There might be no resolving this.

But...she had to try-

No. No she didn't. She didn't have to try. She shouldn't. Because it always ended up worse. She always just hurt him. Again and again or hurt herself or hurt someone else she cared about. She'd tried to help Blackberry and she'd only gotten her killed. She'd tried to help N'chard and only ensured his gem stay lost and unhatched forever. She'd tried to help Reji...and that had turned out worst of all. She always tried to fix things and she always failed.

She couldn't bear to hurt him anymore.

"I don't...want help," she squeaked. "I want to be the one helping. I'm always the one that needs to be pulled up and I just...I want to do something good. I'm sorry...I should never have gone to Cetus. I thought...I had the power to help someone and they betrayed me. And because of that...I hurt you."

She sniffled. "I can't do that anymore. I can't keep hurting you. I'm not going back to Canis. I'm staying here."

Wilder couldn't help it - a sob escaped her throat as Aure just...said it. Said the thing she knew, the thing she hated, the thing she wanted to escape. That she, despite trying to do her best, despite training since hatching to have the best magic possible, and thinking of nothing but doing her best to help others...had to rely on everyone else instead. She couldn't help, she was always the one that needed it.

Aure had saved her, taken her from Polaris when the ground had cracked open. He'd helped her when the lizard had wounded her with magic. He'd helped her when she'd lost control of herself, talked her down and helped her through it. She never did any helping. It wasn't fair. All she wanted to do was be useful - to love and be loved in return.

But nobody loved her. Not after everything she'd done.

"You don't get it," she whimpered, finding a sudden need to get to her feet. She struggled for a moment, at least getting herself on her stomach, burned legs throbbing with pain. "I know that. I know that I keep messing up. I know that I can't do anything on my own but I need to learn how to. I can't keep relying on you...I can't I just...I'd rather just me suffer the consequences, not you. I want to help you sometime but I'm scared that I'll just make things worse like I always do, that I'll make some mistake and you'll just get hurt again."

She paused to take a deep breath, still turned away from Aure, but the tears were starting to collect in her eyes and a quiver came seeping into her voice, but the words just wouldn't stop coming.

"This won't heal. It won't. I can't get it out of my head. I wasn't in control, but I saw what I was doing. I saw what I did to you and what I could have done to the rest of the Bonebound and I can't live with that. I never wanted to hurt a-any of you but I did and I can't...I just..."

She ducked, tucking her head between her paws. Her voice came out cracked, a whisper, filled with so much hurt and pain. "I don't want to wake up."

She looked back at him, still curled tight, still wanting nothing more then to give up because this was too hard and it would be so much easier to just...stop. Stop existing. Go into her chrysalis and never come out. Sleep forever and forget everything. It would be easier then facing things now and having to fix things that she'd messed up so horribly. It would be easier then changing.

But this was Aure in front of her, her best friend. She'd known him since they were kids. He was doing his best to talk to her. He was pushing through that pain of knowing what she'd done to try and help her. Why do I have to be the one that always needs help? It kept repeating in her head, a cycle of self-hatred that just wouldn't stop. Uselessness. A burden on others. A mistake. A failure. It wasn't stopping. It just...kept....hurting.

"We've all done our fair share of hurt, and we've all - repented for it."

She stared at him, the tiniest glimmer of hope in her chest finally making it through the storm of dark anger and despair. Maybe...this is fixable. Maybe I can do it. It would be hard and just the thought of it made her want to keep running, but maybe that was because she was tired right now. She wanted to sleep and stop this pain.

His dedication to her, his insistence to help, despite everything she'd done...it broke her heart. She felt loved, truly loved, even if it was a love that couldn't continue like this. He eyes shone with tears and she gave a small, tiny nod. "...okay." It was small, a little squeak, but she said it and it made her cement it in herself - she would sleep but she would wake up this time. She would try to make things better and deal with all the hurt when she was awake again.

The small determination called her gemstone to begin spreading across her body, the heart shape on her cheek deforming until it covered her whole body in a cradle of marbled pink and black. She was awake for a moment more, consciousness wavering as she cried before she drifted off to sleep.

*exit