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HELLFIRE, TAKE MY SOUL - Printable Version

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HELLFIRE, TAKE MY SOUL - Tahi-shei - Jan 28 2021

Content Warning
This post contains potentially sensitive material:
references to gore, also a violent panic attack




In his last chrysalis, Tahi-shei had gone down calmly, and so he had slept calmly. But this time, he had dreamed.

Not often, of course. They'd been brief little flashes of consciousness, shards of forgotten memory, bits and pieces of nothing. Footprints in the snow. Pinprick eyes, sinister laughs. Red. Red, red, red. You are not alone here, Tahi-shei, have you ever been alone? Sleep. Shattered marble, foreign shapes -- the curve of lips in a frown, shards of horrible white, glass and ice and blood and fungus choking him with rot and decay -- Mother! MOTHER! something screamed, and he did not know who.

Sleep.

Giggle? Stone-on-skin, spots, fungus, rot rot rot-- melting things and oil and pinprick eyes and ice and that horrible, horrible laugh and-- and, bizarrely, bees. Huge, hulking bees -- monsters of fur and flesh and wing, filled with venom and hatred and biting, slashing, whirling teeth, blood and decay and rot and MOTHER--

Sleep. He was sleeping -- why was his sleep so troubled?

His last dreams before he woke were meaningless -- stars, endless stars. The first sight he ever saw, stretching high above him in Orion, and ametrine sitting in a ball of fire. Whatever could that have meant? Oh well. It's probably nothing.

...

He would never admit to it, not now or ever, but his first thought when he woke was VARGAS.

The ametrine chrysalis shattered around him. It spiderwebbed at first, like glass, making cracks along its facets, and then it split where he struck it and began to desperately try to wrench his way out. He stumbled into the bed of now-wet fungus, and recoiled. He knew what whitecaps felt like, of course -- he knew them, he recognized them. But he could not see them.

Panic clawed up his throat. He could not see. There was nothing -- not even black. Just a lack thereof. If he had been less panicked, less new, less scared, he might have been able to grasp at the barely-there dregs of his remaining eyesight -- something like fifteen percent or less, dwindling at zero-point-six-percent a day, until -- nil, nought, cipher, zero. But this felt like nothing.

He fought to his hooves and tripped over his chrysalis, his head spinning. He did not know which way was up, and he felt like he was drowning. His ears were ringing, and he was not even sure of the ground beneath his hooves. Wet and squishy and hard depending on where he stepped -- he could taste his own panic, filling the air with its sour tinge. Prey ready for the slaughter. Something seized at his heart, at the aching scar at his chest where stone sprung from, and it did not let go.

Tahi-shei could not breathe. He could not see. All he knew was terror.

It had been two weeks. A half-cycle. He knew this. He knew how long it took, for the body to tear itself apart and built itself back up again. I failed, didn't I? he thought, hysterical laughter bubbling out between panicked breaths -- if anyone was speaking to him, he couldn't hear them. If anyone touched him, he would recoil or thrash. He could see it now, hear it, feel the phantom blood -- Mother, rot, decay. Vargas's disapproval. The weight of blood upon his shoulders and--

He collapsed into the rubble of his chrysalis, shaking like a leaf and desperately trying to catch his breath. Hysterical, half-choked sobs, and a single, desperate whisper between horrid breaths into the abyss of nothing -- "Help."



@james
(that whole episode probably took about 45 seconds to a minute and a half, by the way)


RE: HELLFIRE, TAKE MY SOUL - James - Jan 28 2021


James had been pressed up against Tahi-shei's chrysalis when it had suddenly exploded, sending him into a blind flee only to trip, fall, and faceplant gracefully. He quickly got to his feet and whirled around, spotting Tahi-shei staggered about, blind eyes rolling, panic clear on his body.

Without the crown, he couldn't see.

He dug at the upturned soil a little ways away from the chrysalis to reveal the leaves he'd wrapped Tahi's crown in. He'd leave that for when Tahi-shei was calm, but he had to make sure it was accessible. He ran back to Tahi and dodged whirling limbs, trying and failing to touch him.

He watched helplessly as he collapsed, kicking at the edges of the chrysalis so he could lay down with him, scooching forward once he was mostly still, offering comfort.

"Tahi-shei Deimos," he said, "It is the afternoon, we are in Cetus, and there is no danger. What do you need me to do?"

James didn't move after he lay down, exaggerating his breathing against Tahi's back, "Breathe with me, dear. In, out. In, out."

He'd mention the crown once Tahi-shei wasn't neck deep in a panic attack.

@Tahi-shei


RE: HELLFIRE, TAKE MY SOUL - Tahi-shei - Jan 28 2021



He heard the shuffle of movement and went stiff again, his ears flicking up in alarm -- she was coming for him, she was coming and he couldn't--

Tahi cringed at the dropping of his full name. For some awful reason, it reminded him of the Collector. Wasn't that just cruel? His own damn name, and it made him flinch? But he knew that voice, and he trusted it, and he let James press up against him even as he shook. Question. There'd been a question in there, he was sure of it, and his mind struggled to keep up as he struggled to keep his breathing like James's. But he just -- there was too much nothing, as baffling as that concept was. It was everywhere, and it was nowhere, and he couldn't breathe.

"I can't see," Tahi-shei sobbed, wanting to bury himself. He'd had memories in chrysalis, flashes of imagery and things he'd really, truly seen. But now he couldn't see, not at all. He'd never realized before how total his blindness was; he'd been relying on his crown for so long, and now it was -- it was gone. Tahi-shei realized with a sinking feeling that he'd been right. He would've started going blind anyway, he was sure of it; the Collector had made it seem as though the crown being unable to be removed was a curse, but he needed it. Desperately. "I-- I need it, I-- where is it, where--"

Tahi was getting worked up again. "I can't see, James, please, where-- please--"


@james


RE: HELLFIRE, TAKE MY SOUL - James - Jan 28 2021


James hated that Tahi-shei had to rely on the very thing that took his sight. He looked over towards it, ears pinned, and sighed. Wisps of magic warped around him as he lifted the crown up, brows furrowing as he moved it to Tahi's head, pushing a knee under his neck to prop it up so he could fit the crown between his antlers.

But he was too scrambled at the moment and he needed to focus on one thing at a time.

"Breathe," he insisted, "Just breathe, in and out, in and out."

He continued to exaggerate his breathing behind Tahi, his chest rising and falling against the other's back, "Breathe, the crown is here, just focus on breathing."

If Tahi-shei passed out, that wouldn't do anyone any good.

@Tahi-shei


RE: HELLFIRE, TAKE MY SOUL - Tahi-shei - Jan 28 2021



A moment passed. The cold, cold chill settled atop his head, and he felt the horrible pause. For a terrible beat, Tahi-shei was worried it wouldn't work -- he'd need to kill someone else, he'd need to go to the Collector and beg, he'd need to do anything -- but then he felt the snap connection, magic meeting bone, and he breathed out a sigh of relief as his world was once again flooded with fungus. He let out a sob and leaned into James, merciful James, and finally could start to settle.

Now, he wasn't just listening to James's reassurances -- he was seeing for himself that things were fine, and he was safe. A calm moment settled, and then he suddenly shot upright. "Aethereal!" He looked around, panicked. "I need to tell Vargas, she might've gotten away, he needs to know that Mother had someone with chaos magic!" He was tense, now, looking to James. "Did you--?" He was... almost worried. James was clearly alive, but Tahi-shei didn't know if James might have pissed Vargas off.


@james


RE: HELLFIRE, TAKE MY SOUL - James - Jan 28 2021


James tugged on his ear, "Hey! Not so fast-"

He pushed himself to his feet and pressed into the other's side should he need support, worried about him still, "I talked to Vargas. I actually talked to Aethereal first, and she and I headed to Draco to speak with him. As far as I can tell, she's on neither side at the moment. She's... confused, and under my protection for now. But she won't be fighting in the war, I can tell you that."

He nuzzled Tahi and wrapped a wing around him, "I told Vargas about the 'in-between' I've found. I was... angry, because both sides seem to think they're better than the other and are trying to destroy each other, but we need both Order and Chaos to achieve true balance, right? So I told him that and he called me naive."

James rolled his eyes and shuddered a bit, remembering those toxic eyes on him, staring at him with pity. It wasn't him who needed pity, but still, he was more than ten times bigger, older than almost all of the gembound in the caves, and could have killed him with a swipe of his paw.

@Tahi-shei


RE: HELLFIRE, TAKE MY SOUL - Tahi-shei - Jan 29 2021



"Ack!" he said as he was pulled back. Luckily, he was in a better mood now. "Caves, why are your teeth so sharp? You eat plants!" But still, Tahi-shei didn't pull away from James's touch, and instead let himself lean into him. He listened to the stallion go on, and cringed slightly towards the end but still had a smile on his face.

"Neither of those things surprise me. You're right about balance -- and I've definitely thought about it, because you can't really have one without the other, and there's absolutely chaos within order and order within chaos. Master Vargas himself says that chaos brings freedom, while he has bosses he answers to." Tahi-shei shook his head slightly -- it was silly, but he wasn't really in any place to argue. "In any case, at least she hasn't run back to Mother. I'm sure you'll be a good influence, you always are."

He couldn't stifle his light laugh. "But honestly, James -- I can't believe you told a Master that order was necessary to the way of the world! I'm almost surprised you're alive, but then again, Master Vargas is surprisingly reasonable when it comes down to it." At least, as much as could be expected. He glanced back in the direction of his chrysalis then, and frowned.

"... I had nightmares about Mother, I think. I'm not sure what to make of them, though. Ah -- but I do need to see the Master," he admitted, turning to nudge James lightly. "We can spend some time together first, though -- two weeks is a while, isn't it?" he teased. Still, the exhaustion of a panic attack was immense. "... Maybe not too far, though. I'm... tired. I'll need to recuperate for a few days before we take on Ursa anyway, but I -- I also don't want him to think I'm avoiding him or anything, you know?"


@james


RE: HELLFIRE, TAKE MY SOUL - James - Jan 29 2021


James huffed, "They're not that sharp, are they?"

He went quiet, suspiciously quiet, and looked away, not meeting the other's eyes (despite him not being able to see him anyway).

"... He threatened to kill me," he said, "If Aethereal goes back to Mother, then he'll kill me."

He shuddered and flicked his tail, "Personally I say we get as far away from Draco as we can, but you're the one who just woke up, so..."

James pressed their head to Tahi's neck and shivered gently, ears down, "I'm sorry you had such bad dreams. Hopefully wherever we go can help distract you from them."

He stared off across Cepheus, ears down, hoping that as they spoke, Aethereal wasn't dooming him. If she went back to mother... Vargas would hunt him down or have him killed by one of his creations. It was a terrifying thought.

@Tahi-shei


RE: HELLFIRE, TAKE MY SOUL - Tahi-shei - Jan 29 2021



He winced, his mind already whirling. James wasn't supposed to get involved. James was supposed to stay safe -- it was meant to be his head on the line. But he couldn't make decisions for them. "I can try to talk to him, if you'd like that burden off your shoulders. I'm not sure if I could convince him, but I could damn well try." Tahi-shei nudged James slightly.

Tahi-shei scuffed the ground. "But. With all luck, soon your head won't be on the line." Or mine. "The entire possibility will hopefully be removed." He nudged at his partner again, and then nodded. "We'll take a walk, for now. Go elsewhere, clear our heads. I need to rest a bit, as I've already said. I'll see the Master when I can."


@james


RE: HELLFIRE, TAKE MY SOUL - James - Jan 29 2021


James nodded and bumped his head against Tahi, "If you can't that'd be great, but if you can't... then it is what it is. Maybe he'll forget or it won't matter once Mother's dealt with."

He looked off towards Ursa and sighed, "Let's go to... hm. Pisces? That's not too far. We'd only have to go through Ursa and Polaris and I can carry you if the terrain get's unsteady."

He looked over at Tahi and blinked, "... I meant because I have wings to flap if I fall, not that um... you being blind makes you less steady."

He pursed his lips and shook his head, "I'm... going to stop talking. To Pisces!"

@Tahi-shei