- three days ago -

Maw was sitting in some dark corner of Fornax, sort of absentmindedly playing in the cool sand and silt. Sticking a hand in, rubbing the substances around. Playing with the wet and the dry. Experiencing the Textures and the temperatures, how they mixed. She had no good reason to be out here. It was just a good distraction but the small, incessant buzzing in her head. She was caught up in her stimming activity to the point where she almost didn't hear the shuffling circling behind her.

Almost.

At first, she didn't turn her head to look. Her heart got ahead of her—thump thump thumpthumpthump!— and a sand-muddy hand grasped her amulet to Pause, take a breath. Once she was back in the present, she realized her ears were already betraying her. Whoever was watching had likely already seen them flicker around. Likely already knew they were being watched back.

Might as well say something, then. But Maw didn't really want to speak. She didn't have much to be afraid of, given her... well, everything. But she didn't find the sensation comfortable. The sensation of talking. So her little guest would probably have to be the one to make the first move.

Little did Maw know that the guest slinking behind her was not really little; at least, not by Maw's own standards. The jaguar had not been very active as of late. Neither had her children, or her friends—so I guess there wasn't much surprise as to why. A two year nap had actually felt rather relaxing for her, but as evidenced by those flickering little ears, it had made her skills a little rusty.

Many unfamiliar faces had come passing through Fornax not too long ago. Why was this one the one that Manna had chosen as her prey? It was simple: she recognized this one. And not just from some late night fishing trip, although the ways in which their lives had—used to be intertwined was mostly akin to two ships passing in the night.

Although the jig had been up almost before it even started, Manna refused to give up. She steadily approached from behind, almost perfectly gliding over the sand. What fortune or fate had brought Maw to one of her most favorite spots on the shore? He idly wondered. He wouldn't ask, just yet. He'd wait to see... step, step... how close... step, step... she let him get before she—

Manna's soft, silent breath had made it all the way up to the tip of Maw's ear before the cat had finally decided to turn around. Her eyes were wide, her mouth nailed shut, anticipation and the tickling of the breath against her sensitive ear making her fur stand on end. When her eyes had to glide upwards to greet her intruder, panic instinctively struck her in the heart. But when her eye scrolling stopped far sooner than she'd anticipated, at a spot just above her head, Maw's poor heart quickly realized there was no need.

Almost immediately upon sight, Maw had to stop herself from blurting out everything the overwhelming Madness had intended for her to blurt. Her hand-paw shot to her mouth, and based on the jaguar's immediate backing down, Maw guessed that it must have made her look afraid. She lowered it shortly after, likely as some sort of weak attempt to soothe the other cat. Not a lot of effort put into that.

Maw studied the jaguar before her. Most of those facial features were surprisingly familiar, but the coral was a dead giveaway. Maw became immediately, almost violently aware of their sinuous connection.

"...Manna?" she dared to speak, and her voice came out as a withered croak. Like an old rockstar down bad with a cold. Her eyes did not leave the jaguar for a second.

Maw's allowance of the closeness followed by her surprised reaction elicited a curious smirk from Manna's face. Why had she waited so long, if she was going to act so scared? The smirk was quickly wiped away when he realized that Maw might have actually been spooked the whole time. He stepped back, giving Maw the space to let her flighty heart carry her away if it wanted to. In the event that it did, Manna decided she wouldn't follow, even if it would leave him to stew in his unasked questions.

But it didn't. She stayed, and Manna found himself breathing out a silent huff of relief. She said his name, albeit with trepidation, and it made his lips spread apart into his trademark toothy grin. Did Maw know it was trademark? Just how much did she remember, about him? "Maw." Manna kept his voice soft.

From the analysis of their situation, a few things were evident: no one else was around, Maw was doing seemingly nothing all by herself, and it was getting dark outside. Manna had seen a case like this before. it seemed that once again, she was one of two lonely strangers, playing in the darkness. She had long since come to terms with her own loneliness, though. Had Maw?

Maw, who was likely waiting for any elaboration. Oh, right. About that: "It's been a while. How are you?" Even in all his softness, the jaguar's voice lilted and curled on its own into something that might come across as a Disney villain level of sinister. Manna couldn't really control it. Oh well.

Maw stared at the jaguar for a while, her expression flat and unchanging. The toothy grin did not inspire a reflection in Maw. And when the question came along, for the longest time it would be met with nothing but a stare and stifling silence. Until Maw turned away. Looking out onto the black water before her, Maw would croak out a semblance of an answer. "You were James's... friend, right?" The rasp in her voice tickled her throat in a way Maw deemed unpleasant. Like she was almost on the verge of coughing. Not really something a chrysalis had ever been able to fix. If any of her children had hatched, shemighthavegottentoseeif—

Try as she might have, the thought couldn't finish before the guilt set in. Her whole quiet life was still soaked and awash with it. So much time had dulled the pain, but much like with her voice, it had never healed the wound. And somewhere out there was likely some big, stupid devil horse that had personally decided to hunt and haunt her for it. She hadn't seen that horse in a while. Maw... Maw m—mmm... Maw didn't want to think about that right now. She stared out instead, and tried to clear her mind so that she could hear Manna's answer, if one ever came.

'You're James's friend, right?' The question hit her square in the chest like a rolling wave against the side of a boat. A subtle push that sent her straight into a melancholy to match Maw's own. She stared down at the head and shoulders of the cat whose voice sounded unused. She was a pretty one, Manna realized the more she stared. Her chrysoberyl eyes glinted the same color as the drops of honey on the skin of her paw-hand. Manna was distracting herself. She had loved James, co-parented with him, and hadn't seen him or anyone they had raised in cycles. As if they had all forgotten about her. If they were still even awake.

The somber atmosphere built between the two, fueled by every breath, by the downcast weather in their eyes. Even though they couldn't see it in each other yet. Although gathering from Maw's tone when she had spoken, Manna was beginning to see.

"Yes. And co-parent. That was a while ago, wasn't it?" A soft breath escaped her and Manna adjusted to a sit, and put on a wistful smile. "And you were Tahi-shei's friend. Practically attached at the hip, as I remember." That was how they knew each other. That, and another event that Manna had only heard about in post. Manna's eyes drifted over the Lichtenburg scar scrawling up Maw's flank. From Manna's perspective, she could see just about every physical feature of the cat below her. And yet, in Manna's heart, it felt like Maw was sitting forlornly on the end of a pier, only footsteps away and yet clearly unreachable. Manna could only watch as her memories swarmed her like mosquitoes on a hot summer night.

Did she know how Manna had forgiven her? Hadn't even spoken to her, not once in all their meetings, and yet Manna held no grudge? How Manna never felt like she'd had the chance? And when Tahi-shei had spiraled into some unknowable pit, and James had followed, did Maw know how Manna had thought of her? With sympathy? With kindness? Had she come here to learn?

In the midst of Manna's wondering, she would watch helplessly as Maw would turn her head just slightly toward him and respond with a sentence Manna never could have expected.

Maw could almost feel the glinting eyes of jaguar tracing her form. Or maybe that was just her anxiety. She mentioned James, then Tahi-shei, and it took every ounce of self control Maw had not to wince. So many thoughts pulled her in so many directions at once. Memories, and remembering, and how the experiences she went through after those moments went back to shape and change her interpretations of the past. Maddening. Madness. Comet, a comet had destroyed any theoretical relationship with James, and yet they'd had to work together to find out that thing that had blown up her actual friendship with Tahi-shei. Comet. Comet, comet comet comet. Maw stared at her hands, swarmed by—swarming with memories. Some of them taking over others like an infection. Everything she had been trying to outrun, catching back up with her. She felt like she was shaking. Guilt sat down somewhere in the darkest part of their dark corner with them, and all Maw could feel was eyes. Even if there were only two pairs of them. Did Manna know?

Maw had a choice, and she figured the jaguar ought to know one thing long before the other. "Tahi killed someone." Silence. Maw had turned slightly to catch a glimpse of the jaguar's reaction. Silence. "Di-d you know that?" Silence. No gasp. Maw couldn't bring herself to meet Manna's eyes.

When the inevitable conclusion of the silence came, Maw was surprised to find that her own mouth was the one that ended it. An incredibly soft sensation of touch to her shoulder caused her to sharply inhale, then take some breaths to still herself when she realized the touch was no threat. She still hated it. She hated being so aware of herself. "S-orry," she managed. "Sorr-y. It was... with my ow-n magic. He..." Maw hoped Manna could connect the dots so she wouldn't have to say anything more. "-I never t-old anyone b-efore." Her throat felt so dry, like a twig in the desert—about to snap. She didn't know why she was still talking. She decided to halt herself there, even though her mind felt like a train without rails, just caterwauling on and on and on. She'd try to wait to hear what Manna would have to say.

Manna had reached out to touch her, because she knew it was hard. It had to be hard. It was hard just for her to hear right now, and to be honest, Manna had been on the opposite side of that river. Diametrically opposed. Left to her own devices, in Fornax, completely uninvolved. Trying to take care of a child she hadn't seen in cycles.

All she'd given was a paw of reassurance—the gentlest pressure of a toe—but when even that seemed too much, she withdrew. She tried to settle down into a loaf next to Maw, and although the cat shifted away and refused to look him in the face, Maw still let him. He tried not to let his tail wrap around her. He knew to give her space.

Maw still must have seen, or perhaps only felt her concern. It didn't take much longer before her whole body was bristling, and she met him with a dour glare that shocked his system like an ice-cold bath. Manna steeled herself. "It's okay—" 'H-ow can you say tha—t?' The sympathy in Manna's eyes only solidified when she heard the permanent wheeze in Maw's voice. What else was there to say? "It was a long time ago."

Maw stared at her—indignant, clearly surprised by as much as Manna's attempt at bullcrap—and Manna stared back for a while before Maw decided to break the contact.

Manna's responses had rattled Maw to her core. I mean, she'd known for a while in passing that Manna was hard to shake, but this much? Really? Could he even comprehend what it felt like? Still, after all these cycles, the knowledge of that level of disregard, of betrayal, of envy chased Maw down. Everywhere she went. Even in that garden, her precious garden, with that family of plants she had grown. She'd known what to use to represent that Tahi-shei she had once known, but she had never known what the use to represent herself. The bees, she had thought initially, but they were too soft. Too nice. She had remained, an ever-changing shape with a soul no different then when she had been a kitten, stuck in a tragic semi-relationship to that poor snake who never made any sense to her.

Always wanted. Never seen. Until that stupid horse— and then she had finally found a kindness that met her with no jealousy, a kindness that lived in a similar situation to her, and in all of its kindness, that Life had granted her a vision of a grander truth that had driven her slowly, steadily, Mad. Absolutely Mad.

One domino leading to the next. How long had envy stirred within his heart? And had anyone searched for her after she'd decided to turn her life into a masquerade? Into becoming some wooden, mossy, waterlogged automaton? Aimlessly drifting. Sleeping, undisturbed. She thought that was healing. Evidently, she hadn't even come close. Did Manna comprehend all of this? Or was Fornax his tower, his mote in the sand that kept away everything else? Had no one else really ever bothered to tell him?!

...Maybe that was a little too mean. Maw's anger embarrassed him once again, but at least this time he hadn't given himself the chance to scream about it. Every word out of his busted voice box was a reminder. Manna's kindness felt so much colder compared to Hume's. She didn't know what to say without ripping another wound open for Manna to look at. So instead, Maw just said: "...H-ow long?"

"Heh. I don't know. Cycles." Manna's nonchalance seemed to cause Maw to grimace. "It is a serious offense, Maw. I don't mean to suggest that it's not." Manna paused to consider her words carefully. "—Nor do I intend to suggest that it's been too long for it to matter anymore! True as that may be, it clearly doesn't help. I merely meant to say... it's been long enough that I think you can forgive yourself now."

'M-y... myself? You th-ink I need to... m-yself?? I..." There was a pause. "How d-id you..." Then another. Maw could likely feel Manna's patience with her, and it seemed she was not much a fan. Yet, anyway. It seemed also that Maw was coming to a realization, slowly. "How can I...? I haven'-t really changed—" Maw erupted into a violent bout of coughing. It went on for a while. In the absence of being able to help, Manna's paw instinctively went to Maw's back, but the cat still had the wherewithal to shudder away.

"Sorry. Are you alright? Is it the... sand?"

'No, you m-ake me talk too much.'

"Sorry."

The cat, either stoically, gruffly, or both, does not respond. When she settles back down, Manna feels safe to answer her question.

Looking thoughtful, Manna lays out her sources. "Perhaps I can tell because you're sitting here, seemingly doing nothing but playing with the sand, alone except for me. Like you've consigned yourself to this dark corner, away from anyone else. As if you're punishing yourself—"

'A-ll my friends are as-leep.' Maw is quick to strike down Manna's theoreticals. And she's right to—at the end of it all, these are just shots in the dark.

"True, but your friends still wouldn't want you to be alone like this. Why haven't you spoken with anyone else? Why do you hide away?"

'I fee-l hunte-d. I am h-unted. A h-orse, Ts-etse, kno-ws I... They w-ant my p-ower. I h-ate it.' New information.

"Well, ever since you disappeared, your whole demeanor changed. You carry yourself like something is weighing you down. You never used to slouch so much." At this, Maw's back straightens a little. Manna holds in a chuckle.

'Sti-ll c-ould just be tha-t my fr-iend murdering someo-ne upset-s me.' Another point in her favor.

Manna shifts from her loaf in order to curl around Maw, like a crescent. Her tail idly twitches as she talks. "True. I suppose your changes could equally be those of someone who is only afraid of the world and everyone in it, rather than someone who blames themself to the point of self-neglect and self-hatred. Maybe it was just a lucky guess on my part. But, anyway, I think you have changed. Since Comet, that is. And after that, I don't know. But it's hard to change or move forward when you're mind is so entangled with the past." Manna knows it. She's been stuck in the same place since her 4th cycle, and still thinking about the people from her first.