After Li saw Livius again, atop their throne looking down at all those in his kingdom, she left. Wandered away. For the first cycle after that, she’d come back occasionally to check on them. But slowly those appearances dwindled further and further down, and now it had been at least a cycle since she had last checked on them. She hoped they were okay, though she couldn’t quite bring herself to go back.

A lot had changed in a few cycles. She’d grown lonely, so lonely. But even as she did so, she couldn’t quite bring herself to come up to someone, to get some company. To just talk to someone, anyone. It reminded her of that period she had experienced just after separating from Imperia. She had felt lonely, so used to the company of Imperia. She hadn’t liked Imperia and knew that separating from them was the best idea, but she hadn’t known how to act in these caves. She’d been raised to fight and kill, not to socialize.

And now she didn’t know what to do. She hadn’t seen Livius in cycles, it’s been even longer since she last saw Aeroth, and she couldn’t remember the last time she had actually talked to someone. She was so lonely and bored. And weak, so weak.

Just like after she had separated from Imperia, Li hadn’t taken care of herself. Her fur was matted and unkempt and she hadn’t eaten in some time. She knew she should, knew she had to - not that she would necessarily die from starvation, but it would be rather uncomfortable - just to get her strength up in case something happened, but she couldn’t bring herself to. Maybe later. Later, later, later, was all she told herself.

When later would become now, she didn’t know.

At this moment, the now, she found herself wandering around Polaris. Given how active this place usually was, it may have been a bit of a surprise to find that she hadn’t interacted with anyone in such a long time. But she’d wandered the caves, always sticking to the edges where she’d go largely unnoticed. Just like she’d wanted. But now it was becoming more of a blessing than a curse. For so used she had become to staying near the edges, with the shadows, she couldn’t bring herself to step out of them.

Speech. Thought.

Emancipated, thin, fading away to a life of unknown, darkness built of glimmering gold and a gilded cage curved around her mind with words of 'it's fine' edged into every crevice. One did not even have to look close anymore, the shadowed fur could no longer mask the ribs jutting out against her skin or the pointed edge of her hips, the waves her now exposed spine created or the bones of her shoulders a distraction of their own. The feeling of hunger was now as foreign to her as her mind being her own, it had been at least a week since she had last eaten - more for the joy of the hunt than the result of food - she was in a constant state of exhaustion and there were moments when images of another's life ended with a hot flash and she had to sleep to wait it out. Walking now drew out all the energy that she stored in her body over days, yet everything was as it should be. She wasn't growing very well, her body was a lot smaller than it should be at her age, her tail was limp and scraggly from the lack of nutrition and her eyes were dull, lacking the fire of that curious pup who had been so confident.

She was a wanderer through and through, her journeys were broken up with periods of constant napping or fitful wakefulness, but the notion to keep moving, that ever-present desire that burned constantly and at points scorched her heart until she could do nothing but give in and pick up her fragile body once more. If she was herself, with her own mind, no one elses thoughts, images, feelings, without that voice in her head or that presence following her - she loved it all, of course, she did, how could she not - then she would be full of seething hatred, an over-flowing pit to seethe against any who came close, the fragility of herself would only add fuel to the fire. Yet, there was a soothing ocean over the top of it, to drown out the oscillating screams of herself, push it to the bottom of her mind so that only a serene oasis resides at the top.

No matter how she felt she had remained close to Pisces, only ever able to visit the adjoining rooms, but being drawn back after only a few days at the most. She did not know how long she had been in Polaris, remaining away from others as much as possible, and as far from the Spire as she could get. The hatred for it was dampened, not even a whisper any more, but she could feel it tingling against the back of her mind, reminding her of what she once felt, how strongly she despised the towering blue mass and how she wanted to watch it topple, wanted to know who it once belonged to, how they cared for it, what it did in the past, how it has changed. She could not even prophesize a time that would bring any of her questions to light. For now, the darkness was her friend. No more questions. She could barely think.

She was moving behind one rock to another, slow movements only shaking legs, head low. Perhaps she was out searching for the others that stole the space in her head, perhaps she was just out to stifle the boredom she had come to know so well without being able to travel. "Come out." The words reached out like curious fingers, to play across the ground and search the lights and glowing fungi. She was searching for no one in particular, other than the limited whispers in her mind that came at her out of the darkness, little snippets of another. Her words were hoarse, the whisper only made it worse, little more than a garbled version of her words that would perhaps need to be deciphered first.

@Aaliyah

Li stayed in the shadows for a long time. Every time she tried to step out, she found herself shying away from the light. She didn't want to be seen, even as she knew she needed company. She needed to talk to someone. She'd take anyone at this point, even Imperia. Imperia would know what she needed. For didn't Imperia know her best? She'd spent so long with them, and even if it was cycles ago, they always seemed to know what she was thinking if their reunion was anything to go by. They'd known what she had done. She couldn't hide anything from them. Not even—

And then she heard a voice. If it could even be called that - garbled speech, hardly recognizable and no more than a whisper. She wasn't even entirely sure if she had actually heard it or if she was simply starting to lose her mind. She looked out and noticed a wolf nearby, emaciated and so young. She couldn't tell if the voices had come from her, but that didn't matter much. This wolf was so young and yet she was starving. Had no one taken care of her? Imperia had always made sure she was at least fed. And with Livius...She'd always tried her best to keep them fed, though given their gem it had always been a little difficult. In fact, she had almost failed entirely. Livius had found a different way to keep themselves fed, and she hadn't even known until she came across them at some point and they told her.

So looking at this young wolf who hadn't eaten in a while - the same as herself - she felt a strong urge to...to what? To look out for them? To care for them? To get them fed, at least. That was the least she could do, surely. So slowly, each step shaky, she walked over to the wolf. She had to step out of the shadows to do so, and she flinched at first but continued. She could do this.

It wasn't long before she came up to the wolf, and now she didn't know what to do. Should she say something? She wasn't sure she could trust her voice, but there was nothing better she could do. "H-Hey." She winced; her throat felt rough and her tongue felt as though it was made of sandpaper. She coughed and tried again. "Are you...okay?" That made her want to kick herself. Clearly, this wolf was not okay! Li never had the best social skills, and that was definitely showing now.

Speech. Thought.

@Adèlaide

With one shoulder pressed heavily against a stone, the rough edges entangling with her own limp fur to rub against her skin with each movement, the pup stood her ground during her short break. It was during this break that she noticed something move. The shadows reaching out a hand, spitting out a creature it no longer wanted to hold. Oh, give her strength, if the shadows wanted her not how could the pup then agree to turn her back on them and accept the older creature with open arms. She couldn't possibly. The shadows were friends, were they not? She had been born a pup of darkness and mist, they had greeted her, held her against their chest and fed her soul the curiosity that now made her whole. She was nothing without them.

Or, were the shadows sending her someone, not casting her out?

There was a silence that surrounded them, suffocating whatever life still festered within and ate at her sanity - if there was any of that left either - as Adelaide watched the other approach; out of the shadows and into the light. Then there were words, chocked out syllables that the pup wanted to wince for her and start the exchange again, a sort of second-hand embarrassment. "What is with that question?" She had seen herself, of course, in clear enough gems, in the water she passed, fleeting glimpses of what she looked like. She never stood there for long, a nagging sensation at the back of her mind told her to look away, it was disgusting, what was wrong? Those thoughts were always put away in a pigeonhole for later, she did not think she was healthy, that was not the point, but there was an overwhelming sense that she was fine and nothing should change it. "Is it a greeting?" She had not asked the other guy that when he asked, merely answered with the same thinking it could be rude, but it could be important. Anything of importance she needed. "I don't like it." He words were rasped as if her little body could not take in enough breath to spill out whatever she wanted to say. She didn't have the energy to lift her tail into a defensive stance, which she had learned whilst chasing rats that it gave her more balance, or bare her fangs into something more ferocious. So far she hadn't even had the energy to talk about those beautiful clusters, or even try to remember where they were. They were safe somewhere. She hoped. There was even an attempt to dash a line of wisps into the woman's face yet the energy even for the thought to do that dispersed as soon as it appeared, her mind unable to reach out right at that moment.

Wait. No. "That was the first time." It was no more than a real whisper at first, but she repeated it again. Anger laced every syllable, the strength to stand taller seemed to come out of nowhere, her eyes, still that dull red, had more fury in them. "That was the first time my magic didn't work!" It had to be her fault, it just had to be. It had worked every time before, even before the pup saw the woman, she must have done something when she walked out of the shadows, that...concern or whatever her tone was had to be fake. What had she done? "What have you done!" She was gasping heavily, the anger was taking a lot out of her malnourished form, yet those thoughts did not even flicker into her consciousness, she had become to depend, perhaps too heavily, on that magic, now it just wouldn't respond? No, it wasn't right! For the first time in the last cycle, she felt as if something wasn't fine.

Li carefully watched the young wolf. At her response to her inquiry, she frowned a little. Had the wolf been asked that before? It wouldn't be impossible, though it does bring into question just how long the wolf had gone like this. She shifted her paws as the wolf continued speaking, words rasping out as if they took a lot of effort.

Already she was beginning to regret doing this. She didn't know how to interact with someone, much less someone younger than herself. Livius had been newly hatched when she found them. It had been easy - relatively speaking - for her to take care of them. But this? This was different. This was someone who had already lived, even if for only a little bit. Someone who's had experiences she knew nothing about.

Her thoughts were interrupted as the wolf spoke again. Li was confused at first. The first time? First time for what? First time meeting someone who was so socially inept? She was contemplating just leaving at this point when words were thrown at her, accusing her. Magic hadn't worked, and...the wolf was blaming her for it? She took a step back, her ears lowered against her head.

"I haven't done anything! I swear!" She wondered what element the wolf was. Fire? She really hoped not. That would only make things worse. "Sometimes magic just...doesn't work!" Would the wolf attack her? She surely couldn't do much damage, malnourished as she was. Or would that just make her more desperate? And Li was in no shape to fight either. And she didn't want to. She never wanted to. She never did, never would.

Speech. Thought.

@Adèlaide

There was a seething anger in the child, something raw and intense, originating from Spire knows where and that couldn't be released. Every spike of frustration was dampened with a wave of calm, flushed to the bottom of her mind once more and replaced usually with another emotion now: satisfaction from someone else's accomplishments, sudden alertness as someone wakes up, some times there is even a fleeting image of trees, or moving water, a prey animal darting up a wall, someone practicing magic, talking to another. When none of this was able to press it's heavy weight down on that anger, that feeling of wrongness that she should take her own mind back of she even had a mind of her own anymore, that presence, a harbinger, would become stronger. She would be able to see it's shadowed shape even clearer in her peripheral vision and sometimes even wonder if it was going to come up to her and finally speak, but it never did, always just a figment of a thing, never truly there. Though it always served to replace everything she was feeling with a serenity that was not her own. Protect. Serve. Obey. That was all.

It was what calmed her now when the woman's exclamations bombarded her ears, too loud now, too much. For, in the shadows right where the feline had wandered out from, was a dark figure, it was barely in her eye sight, just lingering at the corner of her view. She had realised pretty early on that flicking her eyes to it to get a better look would just make her look stupid, it wasn't there, not really, was it? It always looked different, though always vague, sometimes it was moving, walking slowly on two or four or six legs, sometimes it was high perhaps flying, sometimes it was just sat there. Which was why she kept her eyes focused in front of her now, perhaps too still, to stop it disappearing.

"It just doesn't work?" She was defeated, completely deflated and it showed, almost as soon as she had snapped the girl folded in on herself, shoulders slumping, back arching lower, and a mind no longer over spilling. Protect. Serve. Obey the Harbinger. They were all a part of it. Her magic didn't matter. It didn't work sometimes. That was fine. It was fine.

"Sorry. A smile, weak and wobbly and not really her, she had caused distress, she wouldn't be distressed if she felt what the pup could. "Can you see it?" Did she have a better view where she stood? Would she even be able to see it without having been in contact with the clusters? Had she been in contact with the clusters? She should have. Everyone should have. Then they wouldn't get so angry like she just had, wouldn't snap, because everything would be fine, and if they did let loose, like she had, then they would be calmed down quickly for they had others on their side even if she had never met them.

Li's eyes were wide as she watched the young wolf, waiting for any sign that would indicate she would soon be attacked. But at her words, the wolf seemed to calm down, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't necessarily know if it was her words that calmed the wolf down, but she wasn't going to question it.

"Er...no. Sometimes it just doesn't work. I'm not...uh, very good when it comes to magic so I don't know things...for sure, but...From my experience, it doesn't always work." Whenever she was with Imperia, if her magic didn't work, they'd find some way to punish her. She'd never liked using her magic anyway. And now...Now she had sworn off of it completely. Magic wasn't needed, not for her.

As the wolf spoke again, she frowned. "See...see what?" Did the wolf see something she couldn't? She looked around, but didn't see anything nearby that was alarming. Or was she just not looking hard enough?

Speech. Thought.

@Adèlaide

Her eyes had sparked with curiosity momentarily at the way the older gembound reacted to her: a skeleton of a wolf barely old enough to know much more beyond hunt, eat and drink, and yet she excited a reaction of fear? Anxiety? Worry? Something. It gave her some sense of power, of control.

"That's...It's just...That's so wrong!" So no one could depend on their magic, something she held so close to her heart, something she had come to expect from herself as soon as she knew she could control something around her almost instantly when she hatched, something she had come to think of a sentient part of her that learnt and grew just as she did. "How can you live like that?" The pup couldn't comprehend someone just not using this amazing thing that was a part of them, that flowered like a plant and could grow as tall and strong as a tree. Only because she relished in it, perhaps one day it would swallow her whole, but for now, it was a mere fascination.

That answered her question straight away and oddly it sent a wave of disappointment through her, was she the only one that could see these half-there shadow creatures? Hear their thoughts and see out of their eyes? Surely not, they must be able to do the same to her, right? Although, there was no weirdness to that realisation, no feeling that her privacy was nonexistent any more. "I don't know...I don't know. Sometimes it's there, just...there, not doing anything, or just walking." Then there was a sigh, deep and defeated, averting her eyes from the gembound and if she could bite her lip she would have. "I think it started with these flower type things that I and others found in water." She didn't exactly know why she was saying this, perhaps she felt that if she did then the other would become curious enough that Ade could show her one and share? Perhaps some part of her still young heart just wanted someone to talk to. There was nothing to fix about it, she didn't want it fixed, she was a part of them and they were a part of her, but she was curious. Always curious. "I think anyway, the time before that is a little fuzzy."

She tried again with the wisps, just to prove that she could, that her magic wasn't failing her and she still had control over herself. A smile crept onto her face when an orb of the clearest ocean blue began to grow in front of her, first a pinprick, then a rock, a head, it was getting larger and larger until there was nothing but an exploding ball of heatless fire. The wisp shattered. Flung itself apart. Sending a blinding light into Adelaide's eyes and a headache to crash against her skull. She had to sit, almost throwing herself onto the floor although it could not hurt her, shutting her eyes tight and a slight whimper to the pain in her head. Now that had definitely not happened before. "That didn't go to plan."