It was a horrible thing, being stuck. Endless searching for an answer they might not want to find. She wasn't dead, they knew, but the subconscious isn't kind when troubled. It left her restless. Wanting. Visions from the altar danced at the edge of her sight, shadows in an otherwise bright cave. Perhaps she should have waiting for the orb light to dim before she had come here.

The clicking of her claws on the stone floor still irritated her, forcing her out of her mind and into the present. Into the reality in which she lacked something. Someone. Someone she couldn't find but couldn't lose, a liar.

The bear froze, silence falling around her, trying to convince her that the voice hadn't been there at all. In truth it hadn't, it was just a hallucination brought on by the time she had spent at the altar. It hadn't been long since she had sought it out, but it was already trying to get a foothold in her mind. Her conflicted emotions weren't much help to the situation.

Sunny's image came to mind, prompting Tema to continue on, claws clicking on the stone again.

It probably wasn't healthy, avoiding things as much as she had. Being home was hard. Little reminders of Sunny were everywhere, making it hard not to feel guilty when she laughed. Or cried. She knew that her time would be better spent gathering food for the group or searching once more for their leader. So she found herself "exploring" outside the cave, not really taking anything in and just mindlessly gathering for the others. When your thoughts kept circling back to the same unsolvable issue, you just... stopped thinking. Or tried to, at least.

Note: backdated after altar visit (just after festival's end)

Tema slipped into the water before she registered what she was doing, claws gripping at the steep banks to keep her from toppling in instead. Her body knew the drill by now, no matter her tiring it had become. Tema had never been one for routines, even when it came to scouting their territory.

Regardless, she paddled herself through the water as quietly as she could, sticking her face under as often as she was able to in hopes of spotting a meal. She'd have to do this a few times, she knew, in order to catch anything worthwhile. Even then, she'd likely ending up filling the rest of her stomach with whatever greenery she could find on her way... Well, she wasn't sure where she would go after this. It was still far too early to go home, so maybe she'd try her paw at finding Sunny again. Or she could visit Eridanus? It was by far her favourite cave after all.

A small shadow caught her eye, darting into some aquatic plants for safety. It wasn't much, but knowing her luck? She'd take whatever she could get. Even the smallest of creatures could provide her with energy, something she was using a lot of lately.

So she dove, grabbing the fish in the middle of a mouthful of greens. It was quite nice, being able to eat both plants and meat. It made situations like this much easier, since she could just swallow the whole bundle without a worry in her mind.

So she did just that before breaching the surface again, breathing deeply. Next came the same process, swimming along with her head ducked below the water, her body taking the lead while her mind drew blanks. She hadn't even tasted the fish as she bit down.

This was what she wanted.

There!

An urgent whisper called for her attention, the sound clear despite being underwater. Another shadow of a fish was there, refracting a light that didn't exist.

EAT

The thought or the voice called again, making her drool with memories of the taste. She dived for it, teeth bared and jaws open wide as bubbles from her spit made their escape towards the surface. She didn't notice her lungs begin to scream for air as she clamped down on the lesser, breaking through its entire body in one violent bite. She snapped up the rest of it before darting for the surface, the corrupted visions fading as she scrambled up the shore.

Her mind was active again now, panicked thoughts swirling like blood in the water as she fought her way up the shore and back onto the solid stone. She knew it wouldn't be easy to fight the violence —she had seen Sunny's fits— but she never imagined that it would sneak up on her as if she was prey. As much as she had known this would be a difficult battle, she had forgotten one important detail when she approached the altar for guidance: unlike the snail, she could do damage.

Tema took to tidying her fur to calm herself, doing her best to silence her mind again. Things were just easier that way. Sadly, there were too many whirlpools of thought for her to still them all.

Though her heart calmed as she groomed, the bear found herself thinking about the kidnapping yet again. They had so many plans, especially when it came to spreading slime. Children... Tema looked forward to them, to giving them the blessing of not hatching alone. She wanted them to live a life like hers where they didn't have to worry about the little things, and she wanted them to have the Voidmother's conversational skills. After all, they had only managed to come together because of the snail in the first place.

Pain bloomed in her chest again, the cycle-old loss still fresh despite the pleasant idea in her mind.

Maybe it wouldn't have been as hard if she had died. Then it would be permanent, a fact rather than a question that they would all be forced to face. Maybe then they would know what to do, instead of their only plans revolving around the Voidmother's return. Not that she wished her sister dead of course. The thoughts were just hard to stop.

The bear completed her grooming session long after she had actually finished, having resigned herself to grooming the same finicky patch of fur on her leg for a while before she noticed that she was done. Having nothing more to distract herself with, she paced along the side of the river just to hear the rhythmic click of her claws that she hated. It was better than silence.

She paced like that for a while more, walking up and down the riverbank while she tried to keep her mind from running wild. While looking for something else to do, she even debated on passing by the spire again, just to keep her focus somewhere else. Alas, she knew that Sunny would be displeased if she ever found out that her kin had put herself in danger for something as silly as a thought.

So instead she sat, tilting her head back to look up at the glowing fungi and the bright orbs that were sprinkled along the roof and lined the walls. The sight reminded her once more of Fornax, when Sunny found her name.

Tema sat there in silence for a while, her mind filled with nothing but the beauty of the sight. It was nice, being in a cave as bright as Polaris. She had no need to strain her eyes to look through mist or look at the world through the black and white shades of her nightvision. The lack of greenery was saddening to her, though. She had always found comfort among the plants and their vibrant colours. Not that Polaris wasn't colourful. Without the bustle of the festival however, the cave just felt... empty, despite the slight increase of energy she found herself with upon entering the cave.

That settled it. She was off to Eridanus, seeking comfort in her magic.

//Exit