..... Vicktor was dead. These were the words that had flooded Eve's head for seemingly years on end. It was her fault, of course. She couldn't do anything, but she could have stopped it. She could have stopped everything, if she had just paid any attention. If she had just listened. If she had watched. If she had been of any use, Viktor wouldn't be dead and Czernobog wouldn't be injured. Since returning from Polaris, she hadn't talked to Dragon, or Ghanyarah, or even Tal'at. She just wanted to be alone. And alone she was. She was sat in her nest, the glowing rocks and tiny shards of destroyed chrysali seemed colder than usual; burning her legs as they lay tucked in among them. Parts of her wanted to cry. Other parts wanted to scream. But she did nothing. She just sat. She hadn't eaten in days. She hadn't slept in even longer. It was pointless. Maybe she was sick or something. She didn't care much - she was useless and her existence was pointless. Why was she still around, anyway? ... Oh. Right. Of course. She had children to take care of - or at least, one of them. Slowly, she looked down. She couldn't see him. He was probably hungry, kids were hungry a lot. She was hungry as a kid. She wished she was a kid again. Vicktor was alive when she was a kid. table code © rasta 2015

Was she okay? Probably not. A wave of dizziness washed over her as she climbed up onto the edge of the nest, looking down. All the way down. She was miles up in the air. Perhaps, if she didn't move her wings, she'd fall down and down and down until she hit the ground and she'd stop existing. That sounded like a plan. It'd give her a purpose. A purpose to die. Nobody had use for a sad crow who could barely hunt for her own child anyway. She closed her eyes. She wanted to let herself fall. And for a moment, she did. She felt the wind whip through her feathers and her wings remain limp. She almost felt at peace, for a moment, until instinct kicked in and her wings picked her tiny self up several feet away from the ground still. She had things to do. A child to take care of. She can't try kill herself yet. The crow hovered for a moment, watching the ground, before she continued to flutter around Cetus. table code © rasta 2015

It sank in. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, she thought as she flew across the swamp. She couldn't do that. Stupid, she was an idiot. She could have died. That might have been her intentions, but she had things to do before she could go do stupid shit like that. Hunting. She can't die while she has to hunt for Oliver. And Aquarian. Aquarian wasn't particularly at the top of her priorities right now, however. Hunting. She had to concentrate on the hunt. Rats? Where rats? Find rats. Maybe mice. Small things. Oliver has to eat. There was nothing here. Nothing. Nothing. Aquarian has eaten it all. There's nothing here for her. table code © rasta 2015

There has to be something. There has to be light. Light. Light. That's always been what she was good at. There was light now, in front of her. A tiny orb of dim light. She wanted clarity, but it supplied none - it was just something she made, after all. A piece of her own, broken self. ... Maybe she was looking too much into it. It was just light, here to help her see. Everything would be okay. She breathed in and she flew across Cetus, light shining down on every dark corner in an almost frantic search for food. It wasn't just for Oliver anymore. She'd kill herself anyway, if she didn't eat. Everything would be okay as long as she got something to eat - then she can focus on Oliver and taking care of him. She has to pull herself together. Maybe talking to someone would help, even, but she could focus on that later. table code © rasta 2015

She fluttered and she flew, thinking and watching. Every beat of her wings reminded her just how tired she was, and just how stiff her entire body felt. It kind of sucked. Eventually, however, the orb of light shone over a rabbit. A meal. She flew down, the hare already beginning to skid away as the light illuminated it. She flew and she flew, gaining on it rapidly. Everything would be okay. She dove on it, and completely missed. She felt the rabbit's foot hit her as she tumbled roughly to the ground and suddenly everything went black. Her headache left her. The stiffness left her. It wasn't an ideal way to catch up on much-needed rest, but it was a way nonetheless. table code © rasta 2015

It all returned to her. The headache, which had increased in the time she was unconscious, the stiffness and the throbbing pain. Her feathers were filthy and coated in mud. Standing, she looked around. Hunting would be considerably harder for her now. But she tried anyway. Taking to the air once more, she began her search for something, anything. And nothing. Her head spun and spun as she flew, everything was seemingly a blur to her now. She had to keep trying - if she didn't eat anything she'd only get worse. She was an idiot for letting her get so lazy with it - perhaps this was karma. Still nothing. She landed on a branch, panting. This was ridiculous. table code © rasta 2015

One more time. Just one more time. There had to be something fat and slow enough here for even her to try and hunt down. If not, she'd have to look for the remains of Dragon or Ghanyarah's meals, if they had even left anything. She wouldn't let Oliver do that. He needed proper meals. She had to find something for him, at least until he could learn to walk on his own legs. Where the fuck was everything in this fucking swamp? It seemed no matter how much she searched, there was nothing in this stupid place. She had to find something. What kind of mother can't find food for their own fucking kid? table code © rasta 2015

She had to keep looking. She had to keep going. She kept flying but there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Was there no more prey in Cetus? What happened to it all? Aquarian couldn't have eaten it all. .. Could he? Slowly, the crow landed back on a low branch, eyelids heavy. A nap. She just needed a nap. Her eyes closed. Her body ached. She just wanted to be alone and content, but for now she fall asleep. Deeper and deeper and deeper into slumber, spiraling and falling into dreams of hopelessness and death. She had to talk to someone about how she felt. She had to eat. She had to feed Oliver. She needed help. speech table code © rasta 2015

i'm really tired so i'm probs gonna sleep after this post but just to remind myself she's gonna wake up and look for more food which means it's time to fail for another 23 times in a row lol speech table code © rasta 2015