ORIGIN

Envy felt a lump in their throat rising again- and it wasn't their gem - but they tried their best to gulp it down. Their eyes grew wetter again, and they cringed, grinding their teeth together. They hated the tone of her voice, how completely... done she sounded. Was it just them? The little weasel opened their jaws to yell for some enthusiasm, then closed them a moment later. This wasn't how Envy had expected their reunion to go at all...

Or... was it?

Come to think of it, Envy hadn't thought of Li much at all since they'd parted. they'd tried their utmost to push all affection from their mind, all of it. Because it made them weak. Maybe it would have been easier to come back, baring dazzling displays of strength and everything they'd learned. Maybe it would have made them feel fulfilled. Maybe their mamma would be more proud of them then. The thought rose unbidden. Slowly, they raised their watery eyes, looking over their shoulder at Li, only to see her backside.

Somehow, that made it worse. So did her words. Envy tried to keep looking away, suppressing the violent sobs rising in their chest, and the horrible, horrible guilt that hurt more than any poisonous gem or any failed spell, or even the very sake of their name. They tried to stay cold, stony, strong; just the way that Imperia had.

But it was impossible with their heaving sides and sobbing.

Finally, the weasel turned back towards her, the fur around their eyes soaked to the bone. Finally, they opened their jaws and wailed, a single word around the choking lump in their throat. "MAMMA!" they squalled, long and loud for something with such small lungs. When the breath deserted them, they panted for a while, rubbing the moisture from their eyes with the back of a paw. They shrank down into a tiny ball of skin and bone, still looking her way with eyes that were dark and sad. They struggled for something to say, something that would stop her. They didn't want to be alone again with nothing but their bitterness and sorrow. Slowly, the little weasel slid and skittered and tumbled down onto the ground, so stony and hard. Fighting to stop their pathetic sniveling, they pattered over to Li's hind paws, clambered up her leg and hid themselves among her back hair. They were silent, tattered chest heaving.

They hid there from their own inadequacy, fighting to block it all out with the scrap of broken warmth that they'd fought so hard to sever. But it was too addictive, and they savoured it like a starving wolf. Now, they felt shame for being so weak. But there was relief, too.

"I hate being strong. And I hate being weak. What's wrong with me?"


Envy Speech.

Li didn't look at Envy for some time. She figured the little weasel was thinking about something, and wondered if they didn't really want her to go. She didn't really want to leave them. She'd almost become...dependent on them, as they seemed to have done to her. Was this how Imperia felt? They'd become dependent on each other. And then...she left. Left Imperia, left her old life. No wonder Imperia acted that way when they met. They were suffering, too.

With the loud exclaim of her name, she quickly turned back to see a sobbing Envy, curled up. She was about to nuzzle them when they crawled down and up her legs, onto her back. She let them stay there, gathering warmth from her, wishing she could just...see them. After a moment, she lay down as best she could without disturbing them and tilted her head, nudging Envy with her muzzle.

"There's nothing wrong with you," she murmured quietly, her voice soft and gentle. "Sometimes life is just this way. And it sucks, I know. There are times when you'll be weak, and times when you'll be strong. You'll be okay, though. Even through those difficult times." Even though Envy was still rather young, they'd been through so much, starting from the time they hatched. Li just wished she had been there for every moment of it.

"Li Speech."

Envy coiled up tighter as they felt the gentle nudge of their parent's muzzle against their fur, sniffling and shaking just slightly. They glanced up for a moment, but as they looked into Aaliyah's eyes, hastily turned their gaze away in a useless effort to hide their tears. They opened their mouth to say something, but words escaped them again for a few long moments. "Maybe it's everyone else that's wrong, then. If they'd been through what I had, maybe then they'd respect me," they said finally, voice breaking slightly, but their tone was dull.

They finally looked at Aaliyah, their cheek fur matted with salt and eyes still watery and wet. "But I don't like being weak. I wanna be strong! Like you... You're never weak." They put their head down, burying it once more into her soft fur, their heart fiery with pain. Yet there was also an awful feeling of emptiness that came with the knowledge that their beloved mamma would soon be gone. The tiny voice telling them that it would be for the best if she did, and there was nothing that they could do about it.

A bitter lump closed around the gem in the back of their throat. Their voice came like a dart and they stood up straight, bristling head to tail, anger fizzling, and simmering. "You're never leaving me again, do you understand? I want you to stay here, with me."

Li was their mamma, and no-one else could ever have her.


Envy Speech.

Li began to lick Envy's fur, slightly uncomfortable at the angle she was in, but desperate to comfort the weasel in any way she could. While her gentle tongue groomed them, she listened, ears flicking occasionally. She paused, tongue hanging out slightly, before she began to speak. "Maybe," she murmured quietly before continuing.

It didn't take long for her to become satisfied with her grooming. Though with each stroke of her tongue, she could feel Envy's bones, and couldn't help the pang in her heart upon seeing how emaciated they were. She knew they were still getting nourishment using spells, but they were just...so skinny.

At Envy's next words, she sighed. "You'll be strong one day. Just you wait." She attempted a comforting smile, but couldn't help but wonder if they ever would become strong. Especially with how skinny they were.

At their next and final words, she paused once more, eyes narrowed slightly, a frown forming. Never leave them again? It all reminded her of Imperia, how the caracal never let her leave their side. She had always felt trapped, forced to go where Imperia wanted to. Would it be like this? Would she have to go wherever Envy wanted to, without having a say?

Before she could say anything about how that maybe wasn't a good idea, she spoke. "Alright." It was quiet, barely above a whisper, but with her head still so close to Envy's they'd surely hear it. Distantly, she registered that her voice sounded different, more like how she talked when she was still with Imperia. Obedient, desperate to please. Was she reverting back to how she was then?

"Li Speech."

Envy felt their mamma's rough tongue grooming their fur, taking a moment to raise their head as it rasped over all the jagged edges of their bones and every hard surface with something of a discomfort. They knew that Aaliyah would feel it too, with agonizing embarrassment. And there was nothing they could say that would make it better. They didn't respond to her vague agreement, trying to take it as they wanted it to be- an agreement. But her uncertainty left a hole in their heart, and they were silent.

They looked up at Li's reassurance, their tiny face gazing upon that forced smile. Their eyes moistened. They couldn't tell what to think. The depths of their sorrow had given way to a dull ache as their emotions tried desperately to patch up the reopened wound, but they could tell the pain hadn't truly faded. It would soon return, rearing its ugly head again. But for now, they clung to Aaliyah's every word, leaning into her rasping tongue with guilty pleasure, trying to ignore their heart screaming weakness. They closed their eyes. "It's just... I'm a little sick of waiting," they said finally, trying to assert a tone that was less shaky and more representative of what they had become. Carefree, world-weary, and a magickal genius.

As Aaliyah answered their request, the little weasel felt the strength draining from every pore, until they slumped into her fur. Relief gave way to tremors, but... why did it feel so wrong? She said she would be here for them, but her voice wasn't there. Something was off. This wasn't their mamma. No, this was... just a shell. The thought reopened the floodgates like a knife directly to their heart, but they realized that they couldn't let go. She's agreed. She would be there for them. She'd be theirs. She'd follow them to the end of the world.

Envy's thoughts were overtaken by a giddy, floaty feeling, as they thought of spending more time with their mamma, of her being their first true follower. That wasn't weak, if Envy was above her, right? That way, they could be together. And Aaliyah could watch as they finally became strong, just like she said they would. They would show her all the things that they'd learned, all of their spells, all of them so powerful. From Amras, and Kin-Kin, and Reseda, and even the ancient birds. The magic bearers might not know it, but the jealous little weasel had learned from all of them. Used them to get stronger.

Envy breathed deeply, exhaustion taking hold, having not realized that they'd slumped face-first into Li's fur. They were starving again, desperate for nourishment but at loathe to leave Aaliyah. Mamma. Their mamma. A small hiccupping sob choked them. They forced their head to rise, teetering atop long neck so that they could look at her. Her head alone loomed over them, gigantic, filling every aspect of their vision. And she hadn't changed at all. They hadn't grown. It felt like their skull had turned to lead, wobbling.

They were so weak.

"...Thank you, mamma," they murmured, voice shaking with relief. They let their head drop back into her warm fur.

Envy Speech.

Li flicked an ear at Envy's words, how they were tired of waiting. "I know, dear." There wasn't much more she could say. She had finished grooming them and wasn't sure what to do now. At her agreement to stay by their side - something she still felt...something at - they slumped against her.

She didn't say anything, hardly moved, instead thought about what she'd agreed to. She'd stick around Envy, for...however long they needed her. It wouldn't be that bad, would it? Surely not like how it was with Imperia. She won't feel as trapped. Envy would surely understand if she wanted to get away for just a bit. Right?

At the last words, she blinked. She could sense, could feel that relief in their voice. "Of course, Envy." It was the least they could do for the weasel.

"Li Speech."

Envy thought about what their mamma had agreed to- to stay by them, to be there for them. To help them. To never leave them. Envy wasn't sure what they wanted her there for exactly. To be an advisor? They probably wouldn't listen anyway. To protect her? No, Li was stronger than they'd ever be. To keep her for themselves? Probably.

They were silent for a time, nuzzling their face into her fur, taking in the scent that they'd missed for so long. Why had they ever run away? Was it because it hurt so much to come back? They vaguely remembered the feeling of such power and wrath, a feeling and ambition that made them feel- no- know- that they could conquer the world. It seemed like a distant dream now.

A wave of embarrassment caused them to curl into themselves. "Did I make myself look stupid in front of Imperia?" they asked in a small, tired voice.

Their eyes cracked open slightly as Aaliyah said their name and exactly what they'd wanted to hear, a smile tracing their lips. They were quiet, tiredness gradually drawing their eyes shut. But they forced them open again. They raised their head from Li's fur, slowly and longingly turning their gaze back towards their den.


Envy Speech.

Li didn't say anything for a while, instead lightly nuzzling Envy occasionally. She could feel them nuzzling into her fur, and wanted to stay close to them. When they did speak, however, she paused. She had to suppress a snort at the thought. Anything anyone did would likely make them look stupid in front of Imperia. The caracal was hard to please, something she knew firsthand.

"They are...hard to please. It's near impossible to impress them." Li knew it was impossible. She'd always tried so hard, so hard to impress Imperia, make them proud of her. But it never worked. She'd do everything Imperia wanted to, and it still was never enough. "It can be hard to not look stupid in front of them. So...don't worry." A slight, if stilted, chuckle escaped her.

She stayed silent after that, wondering what they could do now. Bringing her head to nuzzle them some more, maybe lick their fur again - even though it was all unnecessary now, she really just wanted to remind herself they were there - she noticed them looking at their den. "Do you want to go back to your den now?" she asked softly, nuzzling them some more as she intended to do.

"Li Speech."

Envy paused, lowering their gaze. "If you say so," they said softly. Her words helped to ease the sting of embarrassment a little bit, but she hadn't exactly said no. They lowered their ears at her next words, huffing softly. They turned back to look towards the wall.

They felt Li nuzzling them again, and the weasel's stomach chose that moment exactly to let out a low growl. they flinched in embarrassment, glancing back at her, only to turn their gaze away. At her next words, they hesitated. "Maybe," came the response after some time. But they hardly wanted to leave. The rock would feel so cold back in there, even though they daren't admit it. With their greenish cheeks damp with drying tears, they'd already made themselves look weak enough.

As Li began to nuzzle them again with her enormous muzzle, Envy curled into her touch, wrapping themselves up in a tiny ball in front of her muzzle. "...Yeah. Okay," they said finally. It was time to go home. And Envy was torn. Their heart hammered as they tried to convince themselves to stop being so weak. Li would be right here, or somewhere close, when they awoke. So why did it hurt so much? they'd already let themselves slip too far. They'd really have to buck up their act.

Envy looked expectantly at Li, expecting her to carry them the last few metres towards home.

Envy Speech.

Li hummed in response. She'd specifically made sure to not really say no as - well, it was likely they had looked stupid in front of Imperia. She could recall the two having a little magic competition that ended with Envy retching. That definitely wouldn't impress the caracal, that was for sure. It'd surely make anyone look stupid.

As she nuzzled Envy, she heard their stomach growling. A frown, though she said nothing. Maybe if she brought them to her den, she could find something for Envy to eat, something the spell would work on. She also hadn't eaten all that recently herself. She'd been so worried about finding them.

When they agreed to go to their den, she walked the short distance there. Gently, she reached over and picked them up before setting them down. It was easier than going down herself so they could get off, or them just scrambling down her legs.

"Li Speech."