The past cycles had not been easy. Following the tragic end to her showcase, Tourmaline had woken up wrong. The change left her flailing with too many limbs, hitting her head and stumbling every way she went. Her den, once plenty of space, was now a lot cozier. Sometimes she'd thought she was back in Emuh's trial chamber again.

...It all looped back to that. Her magic, which she'd thought she'd hone and practiced, refused time and time again. First to an audience of one. Then to an audience of many.

She still mourns being able to fit in the gift box. It'd been a gift from Arquia. I wonder how she's doing... I hope she's alright.

But where did that bring her? Back here. Back to the shadow of the Spire, where Tectus's showcase had happened. As she approached, it was clear not much had happened here in the cycles since. A patch of ground still burns with corruption. Scorch marks and brambles also dotted the place.

Her gaze however, landed on one thing. The blood-caked quartz she'd unceremoniously disemboweled herself still stood. Shards of elbaite - fragments of her resulting chrysalis - were still embedded in the quartz. And those pieces also coated the floor, her namesake marking her temporary grave.

Her breath hitches. She'd come her, to somehow confront her past, to resolve to move forward, but the grim sight gave her pause. And she realized, How am I supposed to do that? Tourmaline stands there for a moment, paralyzed.

But she comes to her senses. She cannot make a fool of herself again. Golden eyes dart around, searching for onlookers. And before long she's reaching out with her magic too.

She closes her eyes, to focus on her magic. It's weak, slipping through her grip some from being out of practice - but it doesn't escape her. Aside from her own stone, no other gems make themselves known to her.

She is alone.

Tourmaline is grateful for that.

Her mind wonders some. Maybe she just needs more practice. Or maybe it was just the pressure of others that made her loose focus. Or maybe-

STOP. She's letting her thoughts get away from her. She needs to focus on here, on now, on her magic. She hasn't eaten since she woke up... Maybe she should do something about that. She remembers Nemean's antics, playing out only a couple hundred feet from here.

The Spire still looms over her, casting the world in harsh blues. She can feel the powerful buzz where she stands, about 100 feet away.

That whole mess had at least taught her something, and it was sometimes quite handy. She finds herself licking her lips, craving that sweetness. Might as well. Start easy, start slow.

Her magic is flighty again, but it again eventually obeys. Star-shaped candies form themselves in her hands, looking almost like sapphires. When Tourmaline throws them into her mouth, she finds they are a welcome distraction from her worries.

She didn't realize she'd been faint with all of spiraling thoughts. When she was done here, she needed to find proper food, but the candy would tide her over for now. And Tourmaline wanted to finish here, rather than back down.

She needed to ground herself. Don't think of the worries, or the failures. Think of the things you've come to enjoy. The people you've come to love. The caves you've fought to protect. Arquia. Naskital. East. Warp. V-Onyx-Three. Legion. Ravage. September. Though... she didn't know that last name, only a face.

Her expression darkens, remembering him. But no, she can't falter now. She can only hope he made it out of there eventually - Gembounds have a way of being resilient. Tourmaline can now say she's experienced first hand. If anything, it only sets her mind firm.

Ardor in her heart, she channels her magic again, rearing up onto her hind legs. With hiss, she forces it into the ground, slamming her front paws and hands into the earth, willing it to tremble. "This is for him!"

And the earth trembled. Dust lifts off the ground, making a haze a few inches tall. The scattered gemstones rattle and shake. Even if the spell was weak, the stone bent to her will, just as she wanted it to.

A wild grin spreads across her face. She still has her power. Her failures can't define her. I won't back down again!

She lifts up her hands, focusing her senses again. And again she slams her fists on the ground.

It's wildly cathartic, to let out her frustrations like this. She's always held herself with some dignity, as someone proper and amicable. To destroy like this is not something she does often. Mostly because she doesn't like hurting others. The chaos tinged whispers, while she'd heard them, she didn't want to indulge either.

But oh, does it feel so good.

So she pushes her magic further, more of it! She rears up again, giving everything she can. When she lands back down with a hard crack! she wills the earth to split.

And with a horrible, deafening roar, the earth does split. She finds her loosing her footing, the rift opening right under her. In a moment she'll be tumbling down, if she cannot think of something fast. Her heart beats out of her chest as she stares wide-eyed.

She needs to catch herself, and fast. One paw is already dangling over the abyss- time seems to slow as the adrenaline floods her system.

crapcrapcrapcrap her thoughts loop on repeat, but Tourmaline has to act, so she does so, half on instinct. A flick of her tail as she looses her grip and a prayer for safety. A hand reaching out towards the edge of the chasm. It's all it took.

She only falls six or so feet, before landing hard on her side. The platform she made as a last ditch effort to catch herself held true. Everything hurt from the impact. Her lungs and nerves burned. But she was alive.

Her breathing is heavy, and she lies there for a moment, calming herself down.

Her chest rises and falls with her frantic breaths. It hurts. Everything hurts.

I should be dead.

Her mind cannot focus on anything else - only that she'd just nearly died or sent herself back to chrysalis or trapped herself at the bottom of a pit. She is in shadow, down a few feet, but the Spire-light on the other side of the rift is more than enough to make her head pound.

One of her limbs is bent painfully and screams at her. She cannot tell which one in her daze.

Her chest rises and falls. She still doesn't feel like she has enough air.

...How much time passes, with her on the edge of consciousness? She doesn't know.

...She needs to get up. Even if the world spins, even as the adrenaline fades away and is replaced with pain, she can't stay here.

Slowly, shakily, she rolls upright. One of her hindlegs hisses at every movement - she has to have sprained it on landing. She has to ignore it, wincing as she grabs up onto the rock edge to heft herself up.

It's slow going, crawling out of a pit of her own making.

But I am not dead. I must keep going.

Resolve is the only keeping her together. Even if she's failed a horrible, agonizing third time. Even if she'll only fail again. She can't stop now. She can't give up, after everything she's seen.

I won't die here.

Throwing herself up and over the ledge, Tourmaline finally makes it back to solid ground. Sprawled out, in the harsh blue light, she almost seems like a ghost, for the moment she is still. But only for a moment, to regain her breath.

Then she's struggling to standing again. She can't put weight on her back right foot, but at least it isn't broken. Otherwise, Tourmaline is just bruised, battered, and humiliated.

Her gaze lingers back on the quartz. It still stands there, streaked with rust-brown, almost mocking her. Her ear flicks in irritation. She honestly considers somehow making the thing explode.

But that's a stupid idea, with how rattled she is. She doesn't want to risk another backlash. So instead she mutters, "You win again, but don't count me out." She'd rather turn her magic towards hiding, so no one sees her limp away to sulk somewhere else - not that it works. Best to make herself scarce, either way.

I'll win sometime.

exit Tourmaline