Blue had been so busy lately. Between managing the kids, especially Huckle, and trying to keep himself sane as possible, if that was even possible, seeing as he was insane already, he had hardly any time to himself, or to spend with Blackberry.

The great beast sighed, moving through Polaris. Recently, the air had seemed to get thicker. EVerywhere. But especially in Polaris. It was as if the Spire had gone into overdrive, sending magick out in a big surge. It put the moose on edge. He wasn't sure what it meant, if it meant anything at all. He'd also heard rumors of big giant golems around Polaris. It intrigued him, he didn't know what a golem was. Just that they were violent.

That was part of what brought him to Polaris, besides the fact that he needed a break from the children. He loved them, but being a dad wasn't the easiest job. It was taxing, and sometimes the kids got attitudes. He was partly at fault though, Blue was lenient. The only time he really got mad is if the fought each other with the intent to hurt, or talked bad about Blackberry. And they never talked bad about Blackberry, so it was only really when they fought.
____________________
"Hear my war cry"

Tags: @Blackberry
Notes: here

Blackberry walked alongside her mate, deep in thought, just as the moose was. About everything. About what had happened between them, with their children, the fights, the talks, and the time they didn't have to themselves. This must have been the first time since having their children that the two of them had spent some time alone.

She looked up at Blueberry, realizing exactly how much taller he was over her. She remembered the day they had first met - after she had fought Winter and had been paralyzed. He was a little runt back then, lanky with no antlers and a fuzzy, light brown coat. Now he was a beast, towering high above her, his eyes glimmering with many things, so many things, just as hers did.

She had gotten better since her time in the chrysalis. She wondered if Blueberry was too. They both had suffered then and they both had been by each others' sides. Had things gotten better?

"Blueberry," she murmured. "We haven't talked for a cycle. How are you taking all this? Being a father? And...how are you?" Her voice was uncommonly gentle, as it was only when Blueberry was by her side.

@Blueberry

Blue almost didn't hear the smaller creature. Her voice was gentle, or as gentle as it could be after her vocals were mutilated by the cruel wolf. He sighed, not upset, but more just trying to take a moment to think. Being a father was hard. It was taxing, but it was amazing.

"It is hard, but worth it. But about myself... I really don't know. I've been so busy, I haven't had time to think about myself." Blue murmured. "How are you? This must be so different."

____________________
"Hear my war cry"

Tags: @Blackberry
Notes: here

Blackberry nodded with agreement. Parenting was difficult, especially with the group that they had taken the lead of. Especially Huckleberry, who get never stay in one place for a few seconds, both physically and in their mind. Raising them was difficult.

Blackberry remembered her time fighting the white stag. Or, at least, before. It was as if something else had risen inside of her. Distracted as she was by her family, she had not thought about it. But in times alone, when there was nothing but the world, she felt it crawling within her. Anger and hatred, the will to destroy. And sometimes that scared her. But she wasn't sure if she wanted to voice that to Blue just yet. "I've been okay. Parenting has been...more then I had dreamed. All of our children are strong, whether we created them or not. Inside and outside of battle." A flash of doubt crossed her eyes as she thought of Elderberry. Her son that she barely knew, that barely talked. A quiet little thing that seemed so small, so strange. She wanted him to grow up good with his siblings...but she didn't know how.

"It has been a long time since I changed, hasn't it? Or, at least, it feels like a long time. I almost feel as if battles are behind me, even though I know there are more ahead. Like there's something more important then revenge and killing." With a wing, she touched the necklace at her chest. "Sometimes I wonder if I should give it up and just raise my family. But then...I can't forget their faces. All of them." her voice began to grow cold and dark as she spoke of Hell. "And the family suddenly seems less important. That nothing more is as important as extracting my revenge."

@Blueberry

Blue felt a pang of sadness for his mate. He couldn't imagine what she went through, how difficult it was to lay in a chrysalis in agony and pain, wanting nothing more than death, but being denied it. Of course, he was grateful she returned, but sometimes he wondered what life would be like, if she hadn't been beaten by Kera.

"Miss Blackberry," he began, using her old name, "Your entitled to want revenge. What happened to you is unforgiveable. But you made it through that, and you kept on going. You started a family. You are able to push past your anger when needed. That makes you strong, incredibly stong. And I know that my strong Blackberry doesn't need to battle to prove that." Blueberry finished, his voice soft. He leant down to nuzzle Blackberry, his movements slow as they had been for some time now.

____________________
"Hear my war cry"

Tags: here
Notes: here

Blackberry considered what Blueberry was saying to her. Strong? Yes, she always thought of herself as strong. From the moment she hatched to this very day. She had always been strong. But things were different now. Was it strength of will? Or strength of body? Or strength of mind? She was different now, much different. But as Blueberry commented on her anger, she shook her head. "No, no, you are wrong. I feel...always angry. And when there's nothing but myself, all that fills me is anger and fury and the need to rip and tear and kill. Even if I have never seen them, even if they never did anything to me. I want to destroy them. Because it is fun. Is that strength? Is that right?" And this was something that she legitimately wondered - was it wrong to attack on instinct? Was it okay to pick fights when she felt like it? Was it wrong to kill?

It started to spill out then. "Sometimes it feels like there's two of me. The old Blackberry is still there - an angry and entitled thing, but not a killer at all. And then there's this new Blackberry that loves her family. And then there's just...anger. Hatred. It comes out of me. It takes over and I let it do that." She did not say these things as if she was worried about them, but merely confused. As though she was being torn. "I want to be able to control myself. But how? Is that something I should want?"

@Blueberry

Blue listened thoughtfully. He hated that his mate felt this way, seemingly torn. She seemed frustrated, confused. In all honesty, Blueberry was too. He wasn't sure how to respond. He definitely didn't want to say the wrong things, but at the same time he wanted to be truthful, and he wasn't sure if she wanted the truth. Communicating was hard.

"Blackberry, I do not understand how you feel. I wouldn't ever be able to, unless I went through the Hell too. I think that yes, there is a difference between you when I met you, who was a very funny and angry and passionate creature, but not at all a killer like we are today." He chuckled thinking about the past. "Do you remember how I was, a bright-eyed happy moose calf, only wanting to help and make friends? I was a fool, Miss Blackberry. Perhaps killing and tearing things apart does not mean strength. Perhaps it makes us cold." Blue stopped to think for a moment.

They used to be children, much like the ones they were raising now. Innocent, just trying to prove who the baddest duo in Origin were. Only wishing to fight and make the others flee them. Just for fun, never killing. Now though, now they killed for sport. It was like a game to the family, to go out and see who could kill their victim first. It was a game to see who could do the most damage.

"Blackberry, I don't think we are wrong for killing, at least when the creature deserves it. I think that perhaps we should try to help you learn to control that anger, that hatred, that unquenchable thirst to make them pay for your pain. If we make too many enemies, we could bring harm to the children. They fight well, yes, but there are foes out there that they would not stand a change against, like the dragon. I think that maybe, we should try to make friends before foes." The notion was wild, but they had children to think of, a family to care for. If they went around attacking every creature they saw, the entirety of the caves would be after them. They would have to fight every day of their lives just to protect what was dear to them. It would be a battle, day after day. While it might have seemed like a good idea, Blue knew that after a time their bodies would betray them, the battle scars making it difficult to fight. They may be young now, but they would age. They would lose some battles. hey would eventually have to surrender, and what then?

____________________
"Hear my war cry"

Tags: @Blackberry
Notes: here

Blackberry continued to walk and listen, interested in what Blueberry had to say. She chuckled a little bit, remembering the first time she had met the young moose. She had been gravely wounded and a tiny little bouncing thing had offered her assistance. "Yes, I remember. You were naive and silly and very enthusiastic." But she felt a strange emptiness inside, as if she wished she could have had that too. But she hadn't. She had always been this: a bully and a maniac. Did she regret never having that childish side?

Blueberry's thought of trying to get her to control herself prickled at her feathers for some reason. As if she was reverting back to the one needing help, not the one that was in control. It irked her and she, for a moment, considered hissing at Blueberry. But she stopped herself. Was that control? Perhaps the first step?

But then his suggestion to perhaps make friends stopped her in her tracks. The idea was so wild, so unimaginable, that it took her a few moments to fully comprehend what Blueberry was suggesting to her. She widened her eyes, a flash of fury passing through for a moment as it heated her skin, but then she burst out laughing, her scratching honk almost like a cough. "Make friends? With me?! And you think you were naive before! No, Blueberry, our children do not need such protection. We are raising them to be like us! Strong and merciless! How old are they now, nearly 3 cycles? By the time I was their age, I had already been in five fights! I defeated a wolf when I was a baby and a snake and a cougar not long after! And a lion, Blueberry, we defeated a fully grown lion! You underestimate our children. They are strong. They are like us. They do not need the protection you think. We will avenge every wound on their skin. We will destroy any enemy that tries to take them from use, but we will not make friends on their behalf. No, that is something I will never do."

@Blueberry