Tahi-shei was drawing through Polaris for the same reasons he usually did. Stones, on the whole, were not uncommon in this place. What was uncommon, however, was the strange-looking stone about fifteen or sixteen hands high, giving or taking, in a very distinct pattern, looking very much like an eye. Tahi-shei put pieces together quickly -- Madhukar had told him about a deadly trial she'd taken on to test the limits of her magic and grow even further. James was skilled, and seeking more -- Tahi-shei had honestly had his fill of more magicka recently, with regard to the crown he bore, but he could understand being desperate for more.

He felt confident in assuming that James had been chrysalized here. And if he had failed his trial, he'd likely feel guilty. Madhukar, Comet, Pride -- they had all grown here, from what he knew. Tahi-shei himself had considered it, but kept changing his mind. He didn't want to play games with his magic anymore, and was not yet convinced that he was prepared to handle it.

Tahi-shei sighed and struck a hoof against the stone, pacing a tight circle around James. He would give him an offering of magicka, if he could. Luckily, whitecaps spawned in his tracks, and then he laid down in the gap where the spell stopped against the stone -- it was neatly him-sized as he leaned against the stone.

He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed, watching spores and fungal growth in the cave -- breathing through the fungus he had just created to experience his immediate surroundings. He thought about James, curled up inside with his wings wrapped around him. Tahi-shei thought about death for a moment, too. He had experienced the oblivion of chrysalis, just for a moment, and now he was wondering in some part of himselflt if James could hear him.

Probably not.

But then again, talking at someone's grave was more for yourself than anything else.

"You'll be insufferable about this," he mused, letting the words hang heavy in the air. "You'll be so embarrassed, and you'll bottle it all up. I won't be able to get through to you until you're tearing your feathers out, and even then you'll be stubborn. But I can't fault you for it. I'm stubborn, too. Just in a different way." He sighed and nudged the stone gently.

"Too stubborn to admit I like you, anyway," he said, proverbially stepping out onto an icy lake and suddenly falling through it. "You're always so kind," he said, water filling his lungs. "Kinder than I've ever deserved." He slipped further down into freezing, dark, and cold water. "Not with what I've done. Not with what I'm willing to do, if I was pushed down far enough."

It was not an admission he often made. It was not an admission he liked. But Tahi-shei knew that he was susceptible to darkness, if he were promised something sufficiently sweet in exchange -- that was why it was so crucial to him that he surround himself with good influences. Like James, and Madhukar. He twitched an ear, thinking of the pair of them again and how vehemently they hated each other on Comet's behalf.

James was a bit of a helicopter, wasn't he? ... Not that Tahi-shei could blame him.

"It's good that you care for Comet," he said, voice gentle and somewhat raspy like he was drowning in himself. "I just wish you knew how reckless she really is. Magic is unpredictable, and so is hers. And Madhukar's. Neither of us know the whole story, we've only heard it from our loved ones's mouths. How can we truly say who is at fault?" He sighed. "Sometimes, Gembound fight. Madhukar became terrified of her magic in the aftermath, assuming my timeline is accurate. Now, she follows a pacifist."

And he wondered idly after Comet, who was mellowing out as she grew older. "You care for your daughter, but we can never say things for certain unless we've experienced them ourselves. She could have harmed me when we practiced as well -- I cannot say for certain that I might not have reacted if she had." He could, actually. Tahi-shei would have used spells to distract and redirect, giving him enough time to flee. Certainly, he wouldn't have attacked her. But Madhukar did not exactly have that same luxury, not as far as he was aware.

He opened his eyes again, but more as a passive sense -- he was still staring at the spores as they swirled through the air, imperceptible before but now his eyes and everywhere in his head. He watched mycelium in the walls and floor, watched fungus and mold tucked away in the damp cracks of substrate, watched light and color and all things fungal explode in front of his senses. He was aware of light, moisture, temperature, pressure. A rotting Lesser tucked away near the Spire, the legs of carrion feeders atop the fungal blooms, the spores feeding and reusing its flesh and growing underneath it.

Life born from decay, and magic born from death.

He closed his eyes again. "I wish I was brave enough to admit that I love you. I'm just so fearful of dragging you into my messes."

He offered a small smile. "Not that you aren't a bit messy yourself, my dear. But you know how things are. We all have people who we want to protect. I just wish that you would let me protect you. You've been through so much, and I'm just terrified that I'll hurt you, or Comet, or Peggy, or... anyone else that you love." Because regardless of if anyone wanted to accept it, Tahi-shei was dangerous. He was easily manipulated. He could be persuaded to do truly horrific things. He knew this about himself -- he also knew that he was powerful, and that Fungal magic was something to be feared.

Giggle and Madhukar had given him a moral code to abide by, that much was certain, but their rules were flimsy at best. Always room to wiggle. Always room for someone with sharp claws and a cheshire grin to dig their talons into him.

The deer pondered for a few more moments before, with a gentle sigh, he rose to his hooves once more. "I'll see you when you wake up, I suppose." He gave a sad sort of laugh. "After all, I know where to find you."


/exit tahi-shei