Ru.

That was what the Gembound was ruminating on, of all things that could have been occupying its mile-a-minute mind. All it could think about, at least at the moment, was Ru — and not itself, no, but the actual name itself. The meaning of it, the understanding that the creature had of it, the reason why it had taken one in the first place.

Because it had not earned a name, not really. It had a designation, of course. And there were nicknames that the Trialgoers gave themselves, sometimes, and that was okay, Ru thought. They would turn to each other and whisper My name is in the moments before they were eaten by a Sand Worm. It didn’t really matter, those names that only existed in the desert. They didn’t matter.

But then, why had it chosen one?

This was what it was ruminating on. Some cycles ago, Vargas — a Master, now, and it still dearly regretted misjudging him, regretted calling him by the wrong name, regretted not knowing something — had told it that it did not have to perform in Trials anymore. He had asked it… why. Why it had entered the Trial, why it had wanted to see Death Incarnate.

Why, why, why.

Master Vargas had asked it why it wanted to see Hag’rteho (it would get to that point later, it was sure). It had not exactly had an answer. In order to find one, it started from the beginning of what it knew about the Trial of Darkness.

There had been creatures who were made. Like Champions, it reasoned, because that was what it knew. They had… failed, it thought. Their designs had been weak, if the rumors were true. Whispers of something horrible that was hiding in the shadows.

What had they called each other, that group? The ones who had fought for each other and died for each other? Who had foolishly thrown themselves into its claws?

A family?

A family, who had been created from nothing to serve in the Trials like Ru was and, somehow, had grown to love each other. Had been willing to make sacrifices for each other.

Ru did not have a family. At least… it did not think so. It tried, for a moment, to think.

First: define family.

It closed its eyes for a moment to ruminate. Ruminate.

Ruminate.

Maybe that was where it came from.

But now, enough distractions, it reasoned — there is thinking to do. Thinking was almost sacred to Ru; it was an act of becoming at peace with the world around you. It did not believe in religion — the thought of worshipping something you could not know or see would have baffled it — but if it had, thinking would have been the closest thing it had to worship.

Family. The first definition it came up with was A group of creatures who are related to each other. It knew that a Scale Deer and her fawn could be called a family, or an Eyehook Vulture and its chicks. However, the group at the Trial had not looked related at all, aside from most of them being small.

It moved on.

A parent and a child was not sufficient, so Ru pondered what made that specific fawn any different to the Scale Deer than another. There was a bond between them — something animal and instinctive. It had heard of that, before. Creatures wishing to protect their spawn, urged on by instinct rather than logic. It could be powerful, and it could be monstrous.

What made them different? And what was it that they shared that unrelated Gembound could also share? It settled down further, and ruminated on it.

Eventually, an answer came. Love, it decided, and nearly laughed. It had no clue where that had come from. Love. It recalled love — but it was just a word to it. It had no real meaning.

Ru did not know if it could feel love. It had not been created too, certainly. It thought about it — had it ever felt love? Had it ever had a family?

It focused for a moment on all the creatures it had known. It recalled having favorites, sometimes. Certain Overseers it liked better, Masters it would have preferred meeting to others. It knew, objectively, that it liked some creatures less than others. Certainly, there were those who it had cared for particularly.

A memory came to surface.

It remembered a creature, in its fuzzy memory. A long, pointed beak. A long, long tail with a tuft of fur on the end. Wings, fur, pointed ears. Powerful legs and claws on the ends. It had been… brown. Good for blending in, at least in Hydra. It took Ru a moment, but it recalled the other creature’s designation.

Emerald Four-Nine-Two.

It had gone into a trial with them, once. Both of them had survived it, barely. It remembered — Emerald Four-Nine-Two. It had called itself…

Ru couldn’t remember. It had been a joke, it recalled, some sort of pun on its designation, but the secret name it whispered was not something that the Champion could remember.

They had not been… friends, it did not think. Neither of them would have let themselves be chained on the other’s behalf. They did not… love each other. But Emerald had been one of Ru’s favorites.

It had seen Emerald again, once. However many trials it had been later. They had paired up together right away. Emerald Four-Nine-Two noticed a Spire Spider, and Ru hadn’t looked back. But it had been… sad?

No.

Disappointed, maybe.

It had hoped that, maybe one day, it would have gotten out of Hydra. It would not have minded Emerald Four-Nine-Two coming with it.

Ru blinked, and returned to its original question. No, it decided. I have not known love, and I’ve never had a family. And with that, the topic of family and love in its entirety was wrapped up in a neat little bow and set to the side so that the Gembound could return to a higher portion of its flowchart.

Vargas had told it that now, it had a choice. It supposed, somehow, that such a thing was true. It had been allowed to stray from Hydra, at any rate. See what lay outside of Tunnel P.

Canis was the answer. The room of bones had… chilled it. Ru had not gone further; it had stayed at the edges of Canis, and had gone back to Tunnel P when the Sentinels of the Sands vanished with no trace save the shards of Oilstone chrysalis that lay half-buried in the sand. It was hot, dry, and familiar. Despite wanting to explore… it just hadn’t been able to find the time, not with all the thinking it had been doing.

Ru had a choice.

It could… go anywhere. See the caves, for the first time. Make spawn, meet others, make… friends? Find a family, maybe? It could do those things, if it wanted to.

It could… be someone.

Quartz Five-Two-Four was not a person. It was an it. A machine, made to run trials. Made to… win. To… test things, it supposed? It made a note — return to this. It had assumed that every creature who was not a Master or an Overseer had lived only to run trials, over and over and over again, but that did not seem to be true. It would revisit this.

Back to the topic.

Quartz Five-Two-Four was not, in fact, a person. It was barely an individual, despite being unique. That is an assumption, it noted. Just because you have never met one like you does not mean that there are not those like you. Still… at the very least, there was nobody else called Quartz Five-Two-Four who called itself Ru and liked to think about things.

Regardless.

It had a designation. It was a number, one of many. A random Rose Quartz chosen and carved. Why not something like Rose Quartz Five-Two-Four? This was a thought Ru had had many times. Its quartz was different from a white one or a purple one or a gray one.

But maybe it just liked the way Rose sounded, like something… sweet, somehow. It recalled another — a Desert Rose. Desert Rose Thirty-Five. That was a… pretty designation. Designations were not meant to be pretty, of course — but still. It noted this thought. Perhaps it would return to it later.

It was not just Quartz Five-Two-Four anymore, somehow. The last Trial — it had proven itself, had it not? It was… free, now. Free to be… Ru.

It could just be Ru now.

It.

Why was Vargas a he while Ru was an it? When did one earn the right to an identity, to be something more than a mere object? A weapon, a tool?

Did Ru even want to fit any other words into its mouth?

It pondered them. It spoke, quietly — in case someone heard. ”Her name is Ru. She is a Champion of Hydra.” Again, this time — ”His name is Ru. He is a Champion of Hydra.”

Again.

”Their name is Ru. They are a Champion of Hydra. Xir name is Ru, xe is a Champion of Hydra.”

It — no, Ru — did not know which one was the best. For now, it was epithets — at least internally. Ru wouldn’t correct others until there was an answer.

Until there was… an identity instead of Quartz.

Maybe, Ru mused, I could even give myself a longer name.

For now — Ru got up and looked towards the nearest tunnel.

For now, Ru would be exploring.


/exit Quartz Five-Two-Four Ru