Luck. She wanted to roll her eyes. Luck had nothing to do with it - it was honestly that everyone she'd met up till Vazi was kind to her. That had nothing to do with luck, that was simply the entirety of the cave being kind. Aleera was...an exception to the rule. They were troubled, thinking every shadow was an enemy, and that wasn't the wolf's fault. Was it luck that a dragon had listened peacefully to her story under her tree? Please. "Then why not accompany me, Vazi? Let me see the rooms again, take me on sight-seeing trips, be my friend." She said, keeping her voice calm as they got irritated. "You always leave me alone here, and I can't help but want to see my cubs and my friends. Don't you understand?" And then in one of the forests, she would find a way to escape. She thought. She sighed again, listening. Vazi only wanted to 'protect' her from imaginary threats, like Aleera, and the constant threat of danger was enough for them to always deny any real truth. It was a Devil's Proof; there is no proof that the demons in the dark cannot exist as long as they aren't seen yet - the void of the unknown. You can prove they do exist by bringing them screaming into the light, but you cannot prove they do not simply because one hadn't seen one yet. She raged inside. There was no way to rationalize when one stood on the Devil's land. Vazi would simply stomp and rage that it could happen, and that was reason enough to strip her freedom away. Perhaps....she had tried before with Pounce, but she was older now, more powerful with her magic. She bit her lip. There was a big unknown with the spell she had tried to cast. She didn't know how long it lasted, how powerful it was, or what it even did. But Booker said that they could talk with their brother without words, that they could feel their feelings...and maybe that's what she needed with Vazi. Maybe she needed to understand the grief they felt at losing Wynry. And maybe in turn Vazi could understand her. Tentatively, she reached for the spell she tried to use with Pounce, like gathering a silken thread inside her mind, and she lost all focus outside of her. She forgot she was breathing, forgot she was standing in Orion, forgot everything but the thread. Everything was dark except for her and the thread and the...well, how to describe it - the essence of her and Vazi. She was a light in the dark, white and pink and gold, and Vazi was obscured out of her ray of focus, there, but fuzzy. The thread was shy and delicate, and she had to be gentle with it, like a perfect cobweb. She whispered to it, calling to it, letting it gather, and when it was ready, she turned her focus to Vazi. She reached out to them, concentrating - but this delicate concentration was shattered when Vazi spoke, and suddenly the black void dropped to the real world, the reality of the ground and the air and the dust of Orion, and she blinked, the delicate thread torn, snapping back at her like a snarled and tangled mess. All of a sudden, where she was peaceful and focused, her emotions backlashed and everything was a uproaring tidal wave of every emotion at once, swallowing her whole. Outside her body she cried out and fell, but she wasn't aware of it at all - all she could see was red, red hot anger, panic, frustration, guilt, denial, and pure, pure, hatred, boiling in her blood and making her scream, burning her as it rushed through - swirling with this was the darkness of sadness, depression, loss, emptiness, bleak and hopeless, pure and unending nothing, telling her to lay down and die, and she wanted to cry and rage and sob - then came nastiness in sickening poisonous greed, envy, the desire to have everything that anyone else had, the emotion making sweet friends with hatred, making her want to vomit. Then came unadulterated joy, and perhaps for just a moment in the whirlpool of drowning emotion she thought she would find reprieve, but it was just as horrible as the rest. Her body was electrified and sent soaring to dizzying heights, and it was torture, for the weights down at her feet, the black void and the hatred licking at her, wanting to drag her down, and the joy was like adrenaline and sugary sweetness to a degree she couldn't handle, and she screamed even louder. She wanted to run and jump and touch the sky, but it was wrong, it was too much, it was tearing her apart. Next came fear, and this by far was the worst. It mixed well like a spice on a perfect meal, agreeing with every emotion in her, telling her to hide and rage and destroy and die and run and jump to avoid everything and anything, terror gripping her and holding her in place when everything in her burned to run. It was a vice, it was a prison, it was wrong, holding her in its cold grip and laughing at her for not seeing its way. On the outside, she was a shivering, screaming, sobbing mess on ground, her eye unseeing, nothing else existing except for this torment that swirled her round and round and made her unable to breath except to howl. "This is how I speak."

Accompany her? The idea hadn't occurred to him. In all reality he had wanted to keep the beautiful doe all to himself, to shield her from prying eyes... But yes... perhaps that was selfish. No real harm could come to her if he was right there with her. So what was stopping him? Nothing but his jealousy and possessiveness. Did he want to drive her away... To make her hate him? No. He didn't. In his own twisted way he did care but it was hard to show it without being possessive... But... He could yield. To make her happy. "I can understand... Fine... I will--" Before he could finish Clover was doing something. The poor doe cried out with obvious anguish and the stag felt his heart wrench in two. "Clover!" He barked in horror as she went down.

The stag fell onto the ground next to her, legs folding and pelt mingling with her own as he huddled in close. "Clover! Clover, focus! What are you doing? Is this the bond magick? Speak to me!" What was happening? Was she going to die? No! He couldn't lose her! This was exactly what he was afraid of! Except... He'd caused it himself. He'd made her do this. She needed to stop, whatever she was doing wasn't worth it. He would convince her with words of his logic but not this way. There was no way this would do any good if she were to die. HE'd go mad if his Pure One was lost because of his own pushing. What would Wynry think? "Please... Do not leave me... I cannot lose someone else I love... please..." He tucked his head into the back of her neck, rubbing the fur there with his muzzle. He focused on his magick and pulled moisture out of the air to try and douse Clover with the water in hopes of cooling her off and bring her back to the world. It was killing him to hear her sob that way... "I am sorry... Sorry. I will accompany you to the outside, I will keep you safe myself... Just do not go..."

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358
@Clover
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7/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...

The torture rolled her around, and she felt like she was tossed and turned in a mix of a whirlpool and a tornado, the normally definitive line of reality and her burning mind writhing like a mass of hissing, poisonous snakes. She heard Vazi's voice in the torment, begging her to come back, and it was like an anchor she tried to latch onto, but the pull of the waves kept her spinning, spinning, hating Vazi, feeling pity for them, loving them, over and over again till she wanted to yell at it all to just stop, for it all to stop. If death was peace from this torment, she wanted it, she wanted to die, for sweet peace, for escape from this. And there, lying there next to her, was the ragged and torn thread, and with the winds of the storm pulling at her, she reached for it, felt its delicacy, felt it asking her to bring it back together, and she started to gather it again when she felt a horrid splash of icy cold water bring her back. The swirling was gone and in its place was dizzying stillness, and in the momentum of it all, her inner balance cried out, and instantly bile rose to her mouth. She started to throw up, there on the ground, but she swallowed it down, complete and utter weariness aiding her. She didn't have the strength to throw up the contents of her stomach, so she just lay there, still, tears staining her face, her mouth vile. She was so tired....so tired. Everything settled, and she closed her eyes, hearing Vazi's voice faintly, as if it was from far away. Slowly....slowly....things settled, and she relaxed....and then, after the upheaval....everything in her felt grey. ........she felt nothing. Nothing at all. "This is how I speak."

He didn't know what was happening within her. He wished he could take her pain away. He was the lord of this place, he needed to protect her and not cause further harm. He was failing again, failing her just like Wynry. Was he always destined for this to happen? That damned hyena was right, he couldn't do anything right. He would always fail and fall short and cause harm to those around him. He wanted to do better. That's why he was raising this kingdom, why he wanted to keep her safe. It wasn't working... Clover was proof. He was killing her. Hmph... How was this even fair? Clover was the good one, the Pure One, he was the one who was tainted and a failure to the world. If he hadn't promised to avenge Wynry's death he probably would have finished his own self off ages ago. If he had done then that perhaps this beautiful doe wouldn't be lying in pain now.

He had fallen silent now, his eyes were closed as he rested his head on her back. It was then he felt the doe's head lift and his own mirrored hers as he looked at her hopefully. "Clover?" His hopeful tones rang out until he saw her heave. Another sign that she was getting worse and not better. A pang of guilt wrenched his belly as he watched her definitive misery. Finally she seemed to settle again with her head on the ground. Hasira settled in closer to her, aiming to give her his warmth in hopes that that would somehow help her. He didn't know what else to do, how sick she was and here he was unable to do a thing about it.

He laid his great head over her neck, eyes closing again as he fervently prayed to whatever beings were out there that she wouldn't die. "I'm sorry..." He said again even though it could do nothing for her condition. It was too little too late.

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335
@Clover
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7/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...

Her eye fluttered open, feeling empty and numb inside, like the storm had hollowed her out completely and she was just an empty echoing shell inside. Vazi was apologizing....she knew why, she knew they were sorry because of the pain she just went through, but she felt nothing at their words. She stared across the ground at Orion, the tears slowly drying on her fur. She could feel Vazi's warmth against her back, but it was just that, just a temperature that differed from the cold ground. It offered her nothing, no comfort, no solace, for they found no purchase inside her. There was nothing. She sighed. Her body wanted to sleep, so she deigned to oblige it. Such a thing was a definitive action to take, something she could hold onto, so she followed it. ".....vazi..." she whispered, her voice barely there. ".....i...need....to sleep..." She closed her eye again. The black void behind her eyelids reminded her of the sucking endless void of the sadness she'd felt, but she couldn't understand the memory anymore. Like a seed had no way of knowing how to root in open air, the knowledge lacking in its genetics, neither did she know how to understand except for the memory of physical pain. Was this emptiness death? This nothing? Is this what she begged for? She decided not to go down that particular train of thought, and instead decided to sleep. [exit Clover] "This is how I speak."

From his position he couldn't tell if she was sleeping or if she was awake or a mix of both. All that was constant was her breathing and burning pit of guilt at his own gut. He wanted this day to be over with and he wanted Clover to be back the way she was. He'd take her stubborn courage over this any day. He heard a breath of air exit from her lungs, a sight, and he lifted his own head to try and peer down at the delicate doe. Ears tilted forward to hear her barely spoken words. The great stag nodded his antlered head. Her words sounded strangely empty but perhaps that was just exhaustion, hopefully... "Yes, of course, my dear. Sleep would be good. Take as long as you need to rest, I will be here watching over you." He could see her eyes closing and then her steady breaths as she fell asleep.

Hasira simply stared down at her now, eyes blinking slowly and sadly as he stared at her perfection. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. Just, everything about her was beautiful and here she was lying next to him. He was the one that was privileged... Privileged that he even had her here in his presence. He sighed and looked away. What was wrong with his mind now? Everything had been so simple before that fateful day and now it was complicated. Opposing thoughts echoed in his mind all the time and his soul was a tattered mess. How he wished he could end it all... but he couldn't. He was trapped here in this cave until his business was done.

-end thread-

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@Clover
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7/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...