Li had stuck around Pisces, even with the horrible memories and thoughts it brought her. She just couldn't bring herself to leave. Besides, where would she go? She certainly couldn't go back to Eridanus, probably not ever. She could go to Orion, where Envy was...but would they want to see her? Did she really want to see them? Thinking about them just made her think of Imperia. Everything made her think of Imperia, and being in here certainly didn't help.

She shook her head quickly to rid herself of her thoughts. She needed to think of something else! But what? Everything reminded her of something bad in her life. Imperia, how they forced her to fight and kill. Kallista, who she saved at one point only to fight her later on. Envy, who she adopted without having a clue on how to take care of anyone. She could barely take care of herself!

She let out a slight growl of frustration. Everything in her life sucked. Has even one good thing happened? She thought being separated from Imperia was a good thing, but it only seems to have brought her more and more suffering. She sighed. She just wanted things to change...

Speech. Thought. @Aeroth

Aeroth had been napping up on a ledge as she heard the scuffing of paw pads on stone, watching the... Puma? Caracal? Pass under her. ”Well she's quite pretty...” She thought sleepily, yawning. Then she heard the larger cat growl to herself, and sigh. She saw the expression on the cat's face and looked up in more interest. ”Wonder what's gotten her so down?” She thought. She hadn't been doing too well herself, she'd admit, after Carni left, she felt alone. She felt as if she had a connection with him, even if it was just an infatuation. She sleepily made to slide down the algae covered rocks to the other cat. She hopped off the ledge, sliding on her paw pads along the algae until she was next to the other feline. As she neared she realized that she knew this cat, Aaliyah, she had met her before, it seems whatever had happened back then was still troubling her. ”Still down in the dumps aye? What's up, Sheila? You ready to talk about it yet?”

”Speech”
"Thoughts"

Notes: Slick and cool it is

@Aaliyah

Li jumped as she heard a voice. Looking over, she saw someone approaching. They seemed vaguely familiar, and she realized she'd met them before. Was it...around the time she fought Kallista? Her ears lowered as she - Aeroth -continued speaking. She remembered her too, it seemed. She wasn't sure if she was ready to talk about all that happened with her. Or...with anyone. What if they turned on her? She wasn't sure she could handle it. Not after what happened with Kal, all those cycles ago.

"I'm...I'm fine!" She tried to smile, but she knew it looked forced and fake. Still, she couldn't just...tell Aeroth everything. Not now, maybe not ever. What she really wanted to do was to just...start all over. To not have to think about every bad thing that's happened all the time. She wanted...some good memories. Something to combat the bad. She looked at Aeroth and wondered if she could help.

Speech. Thought. @Aeroth

”No, Sheila, you ain't. I've said before and I'll say it again, you don't have to tell me, but you can't keep going on like this. Yah got no purpose in your eyes, you let your emotions ball yah up in a corner and dammit girl I can see straight to your spirit and you're stronger than that.” Aeroth got real close, an inch from Li's muzzle ”You're way stronger than that Sheila, don't you forget it.” Aeroth's confident mask slipped for a second, her own insecurities about everything that had happened in the last while showing through, before she shook her head and put it back on, sitting back on her haunches. ”Be proud girl, you have a lot to be proud of. I can tell you've been through hell and back but look at yourself, you've made it out in one piece. That's a damn accomplishment if I'm even seen one.”

”Speech”
"Thoughts"

Notes: @Aaliyah

Li lowered her ears at Aeroth's words. She wasn't even sure what to say. Should she tell her everything? Just a part of it? How could she even tell her everything? There was so much to say...and would she become scared of her? She's killed! She's done it once, she could probably do it again.

She was startled out of her thoughts by Aeroth leaning forward until she was just an inch away from her muzzle. Her eyes widened and she couldn't help the heat that flushed through her fur. At first, she thought she had accidentally cast a spell, but no...She didn't smell the telltale sign of fire. Aeroth just...made her flush. For whatever reason.

Amidst her slight panic, she almost didn't notice Aeroth seem to falter for a second, the flash of insecurities in her eyes. She frowned slightly. But at her next words, she smiled slightly. There was that, at least. Even with everything that's happened to her, she's still here. Alive. Sure, she's got scars...but she's alive.

She then thought back to a moment ago and her frown returned, though it was lessened. "What...what about you? Are...you okay?" She wasn't used to this. She wasn't used to asking others if they were okay. She was usually too deep into her own thoughts for this, but she found it necessary to ask.

Speech. Thought. @Aeroth

Aeroth gave a slight laugh, she supposed she could tell Li about what she's been feeling, though she was afraid the other feline would take her as weak for letting it bother her as much as she had. ”I'm.. alright for the most part. I guess I'm just lonely. I was part of a group, we called ourselves the marrowbound. But... it didn't last, our leader disappeared, none of us know where he went. I... was a little more than attached to him, he had saved my life and now he's gone. I've spent the last few cycles looking for him... I guess now that I've given up I just feel lost... I know, stupid, right? To let something hold me down for so long, it's just odd to not feel like I have a purpose anymore....” She didn't realize that her ears had dipped back, her posture sagging, her tail flicking agitatedly. ”It makes me feel weak like I got caught up in something that was doomed from the start.” She gave a slight smile, trying to cover up her emotions. Stilling her tail and just looking up at the larger cat, she shied back slightly, thinking the other cat may not like how close she was. She laughed. "Sorry, I suppose I'm a bit of a hypocrite in asking you so much about what happened with you, I don't usually talk about what I'm feeling.”

”Speech”
"Thoughts"

Notes: @Aaliyah

Li listened to Aeroth, her long ears perked. As she spoke, Li shifted slightly. She could definitely understand where she was coming from. After she had separated from Imperia, she had been so, so lonely. She hadn't been used to being away from someone. And feeling like you don't have a purpose...Her whole life used to be laid out before her. She would train with Imperia, fight with them, kill with them. It wasn't the life she wanted, but it was the one she was destined for. But then she broke free.

Her own ears lowered as Aeroth's did. She struggled to come up with something to say before just...winging it. "I...I understand. And y-you're not weak!" She seemed to struggle with herself, debating whether she should continue. Finally, she took a deep breath and lowered her head slightly before raising it again.

"I...in short, what's happened to me...I was raised alongside my parent who taught me to fight and to...to kill." She winced slightly and refused to look Aeroth in the eyes as she continued, too fearful of any judgement she may see. "I never...never w-wanted to, though. So I left them and after I just felt...empty. I had been with them for so long, to be away...it felt like I had lost my purpose. I'm only here because they gave life to a stone so they would have someone to fight with! My whole purpose...I threw away." Her eyes closed. "It's been...many cycles, since I left. I no longer miss them," which was partially a lie - there was always a part of her that longed to be near someone at all times - "but I know it was for the best. I couldn't have stayed with them, it was too dangerous.'

She opened her eyes again, but still avoided eye contact with Aeroth as she continued. "Everything I've been taught, I still remember. I don't ever want to use it, use this knowledge, but...it's there. I've...let my emotions get away from me and I...hurt someone. Someone I'd sworn to protect." Her voice broke slightly near the end, and she lowered her head again, refusing to cry in front of Aeroth.

Once the tears were fended off as best she could manage, she looked off to the side. "Everywhere I go, everything I do...I'm only going to hurt others. I took in someone who had just hatched, who...couldn't manage it all on their own. But now...now they're a leader! They don't need me. They've got everything they ever could need. And I'm...not a part of that."

Speech. Thought. @Aeroth

As Aeroth listened, her tail stilled and her eyes softened. "Poor girl... blames herself for all this." She sighed, taking a step back towards her, ”That... that isn't your fault.” She started, slowly, she moved to place her paw on Li's trying to look her in the eye. ”None of it, I can see in your eyes, whatever you have done yourself, you regret it. You see that hurting your friend was wrong, which it may have been, but the rest of it, it isn't your fault. It ain't your fault you had a shitty parent, that you were forced to learn these things.” Her gaze drifted over the scars on Aaliyah's body, wishing she never would have to endure those injuries. ”You may feel like you threw away your purpose, but Sheila, you're stronger than you could ever think for making your way out of that. And as for the kitlin you raised up, nothin' about that makes you weak, they're a leader you say? I call that a testament to how amazing you are. That you helped them go from nothing to something great” She sighed, happily this time ”You blame yourself for everything that happened, feel like you hurt everything you come near, but no Sheila, that bab you saved, that shows you're wrong in that. That you do have the strength to still be good after all you've been through. And I'm so happy that you were able to get away from the life of pain you come from. Just because it was the purpose you were brought to the world for, doesn't mean that's your purpose in life. I'd say your purpose in life, is to find happiness. To find fulfillment and move past what happened to you already. And you deserve that Sheila” She smiled up to the larger feline, she really hoped she could succeed in cheering her up, at least for the moment.

”Speech”
"Thoughts"

Notes: @Aaliyah

Li looked up as she felt a paw land on hers, finally looking the jaguarundi in the eyes. Her ears lowered, she felt emotion began to well inside her chest. As she noticed Aeroth's gaze wander over her scars, she lifted her free paw to the one on her chest and closed her eyes to try and block out the tears. It didn't work too well, and a couple slipped past.

She looked back at Aeroth as she continued, and couldn't stop herself from smiling at the words she spoke. Her purpose...to find happiness. To move on from what's happened to her. It seemed so hard, something that she would struggle with, but...maybe she could do it. Maybe she could finally move past Imperia, to live her life the way she wanted to, rather than being haunted by the past.

"Thank you," she murmured quietly, her smile remaining. She could finally move on...And she'd have someone to help her.

Speech. Thought. @Aeroth

She smiled all the wider as she saw Li smile back, leaning forward to nuzzle her chest. ”Of course Sheila.” Aeroth felt... fulfilled. Maybe this was her purpose? To help others, help them feel happy. Or maybe to be with this other feline, she felt.. happy around her. She felt like she could be around her forever and be happy the whole time.

”Speech”
"Thoughts"

Notes: @Aaliyah