"MADHUKAR!!" he called, her fear almost able to be tasted in the air. Desperation ricocheted through Tahi-shei and he tried again. If she couldn't hear him, he'd make her hear. She needed to hear, to calm down, to breathe, before she hurt herself! But the spell fizzled out a second time, and he felt frustration welling up within him. "Madhukar, listen. Hey. It's okay, you're okay, you don't have to be afraid -- just take a deep breath. You have control over this. You've proved that to me, time and time again. You can control this!"

His ears laid back, but he didn't approach her despite wanting to. Tahi couldn't lie -- he was afraid. She could hurt him without thinking about it, and then would feel a million times worse.


@madhukar

'Madhukar, listen!' Okay. The cat willed herself to take breaths, to listen, listen, LISTEN! Because at the moment, this fear was welling up inside her like water in a balloon, and if she didn't slow it or stop it fast, that balloon was going to BURST--

'It's okay,' but it wasn't. 'You have control over this,' but she didn't. She hadn't made this cage, it had made itself. Using her own will as some kind of fabric or string for its own MURDEROUS INTENTIONS. Breathe, breathe, listen, listen. If only she could speak! If only she could RUN! Helpless. Helpless and now alone-- But he's here! He's right there. He's here with you! AND HE'LL GET HIMSELF HURT--

Bzzzt--

BZZZZZT--!!!

Madhukar breathed. She breathed. She breathed one big, deep breath that she could've blown a storm out of. And then she began to breathe faster, faster still. Faster until she was hyperventilating, until her pulse hammered away at her mind, until she felt dark spots begin to cloud her vision-- BREATHE. And she stopped.

Paused.

Deeper.

Okay.

Release. And the spots went away. Madhukar's eyes were too wet to see through. The cage of lightning... began to dissipate. To vanish. But she didn't trust it. She didn't trust that it wouldn't fire back up again. So she didn't take a step closer. "S-s--" 'SAY IT! Say it because you need to say it, Madhukar. Say it like you should've said it to that child. Say it.' "S-sorry," she finally spat out. 'You should be groveling at his hooves.' Grovel. How did one go about groveling when being close enough could...?

Madhukar decided to stay put. Decided to breathe, and breathe, and just breathe and do nothing more but breathe. Wind and air were important elements of a storm. You had to have something to blow the clouds away.

@Tahi-shei

Tahi rushed forward as soon as the electricity had stopped, nosing her over and very likely nearly knocking her off her feet. "Madhukar! Are you okay?! You scared me so bad!" Tahi laid down to be closer to eye level, full of concern. "What happened? Was it-- something I said?" His ears flicked back at the thought, a dread clawing at his ametrine heart. Oh Slime Molds, it was, wasn't it? It had to be.

What else could have possibly happened?



@madhukar

INHALE.

Exhale.

INHALE. They drew forth, closer.

Exhale. Then they began to drift away.

INHALE. A desperate attempt to claw their way back.

Exhale. But weaker, too weak.

The clouds drifted on. Harmless. Harmless. Contained. No one is getting hurt. WaIT HE'S COMING CLOSER-- a nose, soft, wet, so horrendously kind... All breath stopped, all time stopped. Put it all on PAUSE, hands hovering above the light switch ready to shut this whole operation OFF.

INHALE. Exhale. Breathe in the stench of burnt flesh, breathe in the sight of rigid stone... and then let it all go.

'Keep a steady grip.'

That's right. If she really didn't want to hurt him, she'd keep it in check. She'd been learning to keep it in check since... since Transcendence. Since electrocuting a child. Since... well, the scars, faint but ever present on her left side, should be a reminder of the time. Eridanus. Practice. PRACTICE. Since then. Since before then, since she was hatched. From the moment she'd decided to take the reins of her own life, that's when she'd been training. Galvanized. Determined, unstoppable was her climb.

'Don't be the first one to forget that, Madhukar.'

She was on her side now, being doted on by... her friend, who cared for her. Even if it endangered him. He was silly. He was silly about everyone in this way. It was especially dangerous to be silly around her, but for him she made the exception. No, for him, she would force the exception out of others. Wet eyes. Snotty nostrils. Today she'd woken up feeling like her storm was finally hers. And now... wasn't this proof of it? Whatever cage she'd put herself in, she'd dismissed. Whatever fear she'd encountered, she'd steadied.

'Remember? You're in control because you MUST be. Because if it isn't you, then it's something inside of you. Don't make yourself doubt, not even for a second.'

Of course, she would forget. Of course, her mind would try to... to trick her, to fool her. But little Madhukar was, in her own way, an Atlas, carrying the globe upon her shoulders. That's what she made herself out to be, because all that pressure was what kept her demons chained and bound. Kept them beneath her. In battles such as these, weight mattered. Madhukar intended to keep hers.

She struggled to speak. Then again, she always struggled to speak. It was her tone that kept fluctuating while all her attention was focused on keeping her heart steady. "I- I- I-... no..." Her breath collected into panicked huffs, almost breaking again, but she wouldn't let it. INHALE. Exhale. Try again. "I okay... yo'... yo' okay? N-N-No h-hurt?" Madhukar's cheeks still felt seared by their tears, by the raw emotions they were trying to hard to express. The effort of it all...

So much power welling in her chest, so much effort dedicated to controlling it. Madhukar hadn't even stopped to imagine how dealing with such a biological contraption might've affected other souls -- souls not built for the task. The thought hit her like an extra emotional freight train to add onto the pile. "I-I-I ok, I ok, a-a-are yo'?" Tahi's soul wasn't any less than hers. It was just different. Built for different things. All she wanted for that soul... was safety. Happiness. Madhukar feared this situation wasn't either of those things. Did she really have to scare herself into considering that? That was... kind of embarrassing if true, actually.

@Tahi-shei

Think "Speak"

"I'm okay," he said gently, pushing her into his legs and trying to make a sound in any way similar to a purr. It didn't work out too well, but he sighed and gently started to nudge her away from the water. "I think we should go lay down, alright? You need to talk to me about what happened, but you also definitely need to rest." Tahi-shei's ears flicked forward, concerned. "Maybe I'll go find your friend Sunny."


/exit tahi
@madhukar

Tahi suggested a break -- a nap, rest, laying down, maybe Sunny. Madhukar felt, all of a sudden, exhausted, as if the weight she had forced onto her shoulders was finally beginning to feel the effect of gravity. The gravity of it all, coming down on her. Emotional exhaustion.

She nodded quietly at Tahi's suggestion. She was glad that he was safe, secure. She would keep it that way. Sunny... she wasn't sure if she wanted the snail to see her like this. But maybe it would help. Did Madhukar need to relax? Everything in her screamed yes, but the foolish and paranoid part of her brain convinced her to "keep one eye open". Still, your body knows what it needs better than you do. When Madhukar's said to rest, the only thing she could really do was obey.

So they left to recover. As they should.

Think "Speak"

- exit -