everything was supposed to be fine.

she had said she was going out to do something. said she'd be back, and they had kissed eachother goodbye just as they always had, barely able to part even though Redwood thought they knew she'd come back.

they were wrong.

it was sudden. it was so visceral it almost felt painful. they could hear arwen's scattered thoughts and for a moment, tried to speak to her. but every thought they tried to conjure was interrupted by more and more struggle, and all they could think was that surely she would be fine. it'd be okay. she'd come home just as last time.

’BLUE! Tell the Court! Tell them to tell everyone they can, everyone from every group you can possibly find. Tell them that Isra killed me in cold blood, that she is a liar and a horrible, sick wretch. That she is a danger to the caves. And tell them the others who live in the palace are the same. If I am to die then I shall send all who are gullible and good-willed to avenge me. Stay safe, my love.’

Blue couldn't think. they almost failed to process it. "Arwen-!" they began, but stopped. isra. isra isra isra isra. white hot fury and rage built and then collapsed into dread.

’I love you. I love all of you. I hope my black, filthy heart didn't affect you all too much. Be better than me.’

"i love you too, Arwen, please-" they begged, voice even in their head filled with desperation and panic.


and then it stopped, and Blue felt like his entire body was failing him. it was shatteringly intense, crashing through him in a violent wave of pure pain, falling to the floor as if his bones had merely iven up. they're stomach fell to the pits of their core and didn't come back up. he could practically feel each rip and tear and crack and their body was on fire, Blue screaming in agony. Arwen might even hear their screams before it was over.

"Oh Blue- I'm so sorry! I should have fled- I should have told you the truth! I'm so sorry- please forgive me, I'm so sorry...' she called to them, and through their pain they screamed in their head, "its okay its okay its okay im ok i love you-" they near chanted, trying to tell arwen it was okay, that she needn't feel sad, they could feel her regret and it enhanced their own. they were sure this was hell.

"I love you, I love you so much I-"

even before it went dead and the arwen stopped talking they were near crying out in response, "arwen i love you i love you i LOVE YOU ARWEN PLEA-"


then when finally nothing remained, and arwen was gone, it stopped, and Blue was left gasping as phantom pains continued to shake their body. they fell to their knees as the air was near knocked out of them, still in pain and their voice croaked as their words were stolen from them. as they came down, they processed.

their head was so... quiet. usually even on days where they needn't speak they could hear eachother. the buzz of their casual thoughts, their worries and their little random thoughts that made them alive and interesting. but there was none of it now. after so much silence, their mind called out.

"...Arwen?" they called, croaked. nothing. not even a single thought or noise signifying someone was listening, or trying to process it. it was quiet. Blue's body still felt empty and sickly. by the time they were able to piece everything together, the where and why and who and how, they we're crying. crying was actually an understatement. a horrible misrepresentation of the pained howl that ripped through Blue's entire being, as if their magic itself was crying into the abyss, hoping arwen would answer.

the whole tunnel and likely the two caves connected to it could hear it. gross and sorrowful and pained and only dragged from the depths of misery. Blue had sworn protection, from birth, like a prayer. like a declaration from the bottom of their tiny heart, fresh from suffering nowhere near as deep, and they had broken that promise. and they couldn't even muster a final thought to her. what must she have thought, in those final moments, where all that she might hear was the failed, stuttering cries of her name? that Blue had not even tried to beat time and run, try to fix something, if only talk.

the only time the wails stopped was when their throat ran dry and their heart hurt so much they thought they might die from the heartache. their lungs burned. they weren't supposed to leave eachothers sides. and yet they didn't even know where her stone was.

was there a chance he was wrong? she had managed an escape and there was some miraculous explanation for why blue felt like they were dying in her stead, that their link might've been severed?

he couldn't dare hope. it hurt too much to hope. they didn't care if the whole court was awoken by their screams, who cares about something so trivial when their queen was gone? when Blue's everything was gone? they knew better than to hope.

they clutched the cloak in their hands so tight it was a miracle it didn't rip. as if they'd ever let a scratch be laid on the thing.

it was strange, really, how a moment of confusion led to such a knowing, horrible pain. a grief and sadness so deep they could feel their soul shattering.

The next hour, no matter interruption all they could do was apologize to nothing. muttered and thought as loud as their aching lungs and raspy throat would allowed. and when the next wave hit, the ongoing realization that she was gone and would continue to be so, something snapped. something broke deep within their chest and they wheezed for air, but none would come. the world was dizzying, and they wanted nothing more than to curl away from the world and sit in pain and silence till the day the cruel hands of death would snatch them away too. their chrysalis would consume them as their body gave out and soul shattered. it was too much. too much.

in the caves, theres no hope for something after. you know whats after. and thats only part of why it hurts so bad.


exit.