(Set directly after this thread.)

Sora did not want to be doing this. She'd had ample time to talk herself out of it on the walk back here, and still thought it was a bad idea as she slipped into the Lagoon, muttering something about bad decisions as she stood in it at her... elbows? Knees? The water lapped at her underbelly, at least. She glanced around Pisces for a moment, took a deep breath, and then called out -- "MASTER TENZIN!" Then, a bit quieter, "I've... got some things I want to discuss with you." And then, she waited to see if he'd heed her call.

tenzin

npc

With the new quadrants open, he was comfortable spending time in the alcove at the top of the waterfall, letting the chill of the water massage him in a comforting way that was just as relaxing as being engulfed in its depths; fresh air versus the hug of a womb. Both good.

When his name reached him, beyond the roar of falling water and the distant echoes of other things, he shuffled gently to eclipse some of the crescent-shaped hole in the ceiling, water rushing against his scaled legs. Ah, this one. It had been a regular to his lagoon for some time. He grew accustomed to those who visited frequently; they each disturbed the water in unique ways, from the tread of their legs to the depths they could or could not reach.

Tenzin spread his wings to descend, a gentle beat or two to reach the edge of the lagoon with the grace and softness of light, falling snow. His attention focused on her and he tilted his head, asking, "Yes?"

@Sora

Sora startled at the movement and the splash of water -- when she heard his wings beating, she stiffened, and took an awkward jerk back in the water when he appeared. Fear etched across her features for a moment, as though she were gritting her teeth in preparation of being struck, and then she drew a deep breath and waited for her pulse to settle. Finally, Sora began with introductions.

"My name is Sora," she said, her voice low and rough, as though she were clutching its leash desperately while it strained against her. "I was created by the Masked Merchant along with some others to be given as a sacrifice to Hydra, and I survived." She narrowed her eye. "I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt in assuming that you've been asleep too long to have had anything to do with that."

It was a mercy, even if she wasn't a threat to Tenzin, and without it, she never would have gone to him in the first place. Sora was thankful for the water, disturbed by her movement and her breathing and the waterfall, but looked anywhere except at her reflection. She kept speaking. "I was infected by something called Mother at the Raid that opened the new caves. It was... nice, I think, and then it was taken from me, because Master Astraea demanded it be. I want to know why."

tenzin

npc

"Hello Sora," he greeted, and listened as she explained with a low and rough voice where she had come from—and narrowed her eyes at him, with some kind of accusatory statement that she was giving him the benefit of the doubt. He waited to respond, and then nodded knowingly.

Tenzin did not bother himself with Hydra, or any of the things that went on in there—as much as he did not like it, it was a mercy on them if they died there, instead of having to serve elsewhere in likely worse conditions. And they got to die a real death, a permanent death...

"You're referring to what we call the Hive," he explained after a moment of thought. "It is in part, a direct counter to the magic you are born with, and the magic that Astraea and I possess. So to us, it might feel like an invasive pain, or an infection. Your magic is weaker and more susceptible to being... ah, infiltrated, though. I think he may have just been trying to protect you all, but, I find myself wanting to be neutral to such parties. If you liked the Hive's influence and inclusion, it is not necessarily bad."

Echoes of the pain Dhracia inflicted on him raked across his skin like searing claws; he winced instinctively, to know that if She had heard him speaking in such a manner, he may be evicted from the nest altogether. He'd lose this life he fought for and be mixed back into the primordial space-dust from whence they all came. Well, maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Again, a mercy not everyone was afforded.

He shook out his newly grown feathers and gestured with his beak toward her. "Would you return to the Hive, if you could?" Its presence in Ursa was unmistakable, but he had not reported it.

@Sora

Sora listened to Tenzin patiently. Well, at least he seemed reasonable. She considered that -- a direct counter to magic? She paused for a moment, considering that. Sora wasn't actually all that fond of magic -- every time she encountered it, it seemed to hurt her. It was a vicious thing, and she far preferred to settle matters with her tusks and her hooves. She was a barbarian more than a wizard.

Not necessarily bad.

Then, Tenzin was asking a question, and she scuffed at the ground uncertainly. "I... don't know," Sora admitted, quiet and a little bit confused. "I liked the warmth. I liked... having a family again, even if it was just for a minute. But it was-- she was-- I was being controlled," she finally said, struggling to articulate herself. "Kind of? My-- my feelings were. I'm... I'm not sure if I really had a choice." She swallowed hard. "The antithesis to magic -- that's appealing. A family? Well, so is-- so is that. Someone who-- who likes me, and thinks I-- well," she said, interrupting herself, "I don't need to unload all that onto you, but -- it was nice. But I can't shake this anxiety I get when I think about it. I-- I've been pushed around and controlled for so long, y'know? I don't know if I can take it anymore."

tenzin

npc

As he listened, he nodded, noting certain points where she struggled or stuttered. When she seemed to be finished speaking, he nodded again.

"To clarify, so that it is not misunderstood, it is the antithesis to your magic that birthed you. The Hive is just another form of magic, but it is still magic." Magic was not exactly the right word for any of it, but the closest they had and the easiest understood. "But yes, unfortunately, it is a hivemind and therefore controlling, but not all aspects of your life are taken from you. You still retain your own being, it just... if the hivemind chooses to do something, you all do it together. In a way, it is like acting with your family, but there is not a choice involved. However, you will not notice this; you will just be compelled to do so. After a time, you will forget it is controlling you, and you will find it a very accepting and connected magic."

Tenzin was not for or against Dontacael, but if he had to choose for any of them between the Creator's magic and the Hive's, they may prefer the Hive. Both were controlling. There was no true freedom from either. Except, perhaps, being purged by the Spire and accepting a non-elemental, neutral body. But Tenzin would not recommend that himself.

He shifted on his feet, rustled his wings, and thought some more.

"I think you may still be able to find a family again, even if you do not wish to join the Hive. There are certainly like-minded gembounds within the cave, you just need to find the ones that you get along with. You said you have been pushed around for so long, but at least know that will not happen with the Hive. Not in the sense that it will bother you. Again, it is a hivemind, so you will not know the difference."

Was that a good selling point for someone who didn't like being controlled? Probably not. But forgetting certain parts can sometimes be better. The hivemind looked after its own, much like a family does. While its goal is to spread and conquer, it has companionship, unlike the chaotic frenzy that valkhounds are born into.

@Sora

Content Warning
This post contains potentially sensitive material:

strong language

[mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts]

She scuffed her hoof against the stone, thinking about that at length. Forgetting. A weariness settled over her as she entertained the idea of forgetting everything. It would have meant freedom, in a way -- forgetting the Trial and her past and all things horrible. Forgetting that anything other than the warmth of Mother was at play. Forgetting that she did not truly belong within the Hive. Forgetting that it controlled her and held her too tightly. She glanced down, leaning ever so slightly towards laying down before she suddenly straightened up and stamped her foot down.

"Forgetting would betray their memory," she rasped, barely even talking to Tenzin. Especially considering it was very likely he wouldn't follow her train of thought and realize that she was speaking about her family now. "I hate this miserable fucking life, and I hate being alone, and sometimes I want to just-- sleep, but I can't forget 'cause then they might as well have never existed in the first place. I can't -- I can't forget the pain I'm in, 'cause Morganite, she deserves to feel angry." Her tongue felt heavy in her mouth. "... I'm so miserable. But I can't just throw my life away."

tenzin

npc

He blinked and tilted his head. Did she misunderstand him again? His body shuffled to lower itself, chest resting against the cool ground so that he could view her as eye-to-eye as possible.

"You don't forget the things you already know," he said softly. At least, that his was his understanding. Admittedly, he didn't know everything about the Hive, but from what he had seen, it seemed like they remembered everything just... joined a hivemind. "Hibernating is an option. You do not forget things if you hibernate."

There were many things he wanted to say for her pain and suffering—he had felt similar throughout many points in his long life.

"There are certainly others out there who would make good friends for you, and family—but you have to let them in, Sora. Inside here, where it is soft and vulnerable and painful." His head tilted, watching her carefully. "Healing and growth only start if you want them to. Nobody else can do that for you," he continued, his voice still gentle. "But they can help, if you let them. You were strong enough to make it this far. You can overcome this." A smile formed on his beak. "Whether it's with the Hive or not."

@Sora

Sora offered a watery (heh) smile to Tenzin. He was weird and didn't seem to understand her weird metaphors, but she didn't understand anybody else's, so she supposed it was fine. Then, the reality of the situation hit her in the face, and she groaned. "Caves. I can't believe I'm getting life advice from a Master. Vargas threatened to kill me, the smaller, angrier Vargas literally almost did. That was later, though. And I guess I kinda deserved that one." She gave a vague shrug, or at least the closest approximation to it that her body was capable of mustering.

Finally though, she said, "I guess you're right, though. Figures you would be, being way older than me." Sora looked down, her jaw set firmly. "I hate that I've been alive for so many cycles but I'm still just a kid. 'Cause I never got to be a kid. I was just... a lamb for slaughter." That was an extremely loaded metaphor for Tenzin specifically, but Sora had no way of knowing that, at least.

She shook her head and sighed. "... You can leave now, if you want. I'm done yelling at you." There was a tinge of humor in her voice. She wouldn't have entirely minded if he'd stayed to chat, but as it were, she wasn't going to get angry if he tried to ditch her anymore.

tenzin

npc

"Someone is not right because they are older than you," he pointed out quickly. "Always trust your own judgements." He didn't have much to say about her opinions though, even if he agreed with them—it was fearful to think what could happen to him if he shared his feelings about the nest out loud. It was damning enough that his link with Astraea had severed. Tenzin only nodded in sympathy. When she mentioned being a lamb for slaughter, his eyes closed slowly, a pained expression twisting his face for a moment before he willed himself to let it pass. When she sighed, his eyes opened again to view her.

"I will stay with you. Feel free to rest or meditate here, if my presence helps with that." A small smile formed on his beak. "And Sora? You are always welcome at the lagoon. If you need a partner in meditation or just a presence, I am always here."

@Sora