It was all gone... Everything and everyone that she knew. Even she herself was gone, lost to the violent urges that had overtaken her in the fight with Arkrael. The wolf lay bleeding out now, lyin gon the ground in another tunnel but had Makyna tried to help her? No. She'd run like a coward when the wolf's child had come. Deep in her heart she feared the retribution that would come when the child realized what had transpired. Yes. She deserved to be able to defend herself but she shouldn't have taken it so far. She should have stopped... should have held back... but she didn't. Her fangs had reddened as she ripped and tore at the wolf's throat. Even now they were still stained --as was her coat-- with the blood of her friend and once-foe.

How could she have done such a thing? And yet... feel absolutely nothing behind it. Shouldn't she be torn up? Her friend was now bleeding out because of her and she'd done nothing about it.

Her friend tried to kill her. Arkrael claimed it was an accident and though Makyna did forgive her... it still happened. The thought of lying dead at the paws of the wolf shook her to the core.. but not so much as the coldness in her heart. The feeling of resolution and deep down the feeling of having done right. It was a strange mix to feel so discontent with herself. Never before had she been so confused on such a disgusting act.

The lioness looked down, blue eyes cast on the pools in Pisces. Her home... No. Not anymore. No one was here, it was a ghost town. Everyone was gone... dead. What had she done about it? Nothing. Her children were dead, her husband was dead, her friends were dead, one of them by her own fangs. No. This was not her home anymore.

Then why did she keep going? Some fervent hope that Leon was there? That she could go and fall asleep in his arms? That he would hold her and tell her that everything was alright? That she hadn't meant to do it. That she wasn't a monster?

She arrived at her den, the still chaos that was her old home. The flowers were there, that scent that felt so cloying and wrong in her nostrils after the murder. There was her tiara and there on the ground was a bit of fur from Leon.

But he wasn't here.

No one was.

Alone...

She would be from now on...

Tears fell from her eyes as she collapsed onto the ground, paws closing over her eyes as the wetness streamed from underneath them. Nothing would be the same, Leon was gone and she'd never be happy again. Not in this tainted place. It would be better if she just rolled over and died, maybe then she would be able to see him again...

But she couldn't.

In her heart there was a fire... but no warmth came from it.

The lioness cried until tears would flow no more and then she fell asleep, allowing the bittersweet dreams of her past to comfort her until she awoke --alone-- into the world. No more could she focus on the memories... they hurt. They would destroy her. The good being she was in the past she was no more... Makyna? Who was that? Songcat? There was no song in her heart. Not anymore. Even if she sat still and listened nothing came to her, with her Leon the songs had also died. With the lost of her innocence... they were gone.

The lioness rose to her paws, there was a deadness to her eyes, a lifelessness that would be chilling to any unfortunate enough to see them. Her head lowered to gingerly pick up the beautiful gemmed tiara that was lying on the earth. There was no room for such things here, no beauty could ever rise in these caves again. But, there was something she must do...

With the tiara clasped in her jaws to walked over to the warrens and dug a small hole. Carefully she dropped it into the hole and scraped earth over it. There were no bodies for her to bury, no song to be sung for them, this would be the sole reminder for her only.

What is dead... must die...

A final tear fell from her eyes as she bowed her head and mourned over the loss of her family and her past.

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words: 754
tagged: Open
ooc: ---
muse: 8/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...

I had begun to explore the caves again. I was once an adventurous child, always ready for a journey. This was the first time in forever that I actually decided to go somewhere else besides Orion. While my goal and destination was Eridanus, I didn't mind taking my time while I meandered the other parts of the cave. This is not to say that I wasn't careful though. I was only seen when I wanted to be -which was never- and I was only heard when I wanted to be. I kept to hiding, moving mainly when the traffic was at an all time low, and eventually found myself in Pisces. I vaguely remember this place, having only been here a few times. It was hard to hide in this area, for it was quite open. Stepping into the area felt strange. It felt as though I were trespassing, but I was not greeted with smiling faces or scowling sneers. Instead, I found silence. Encroached on vacancy. And in that sense, it was familiar.

But in no other sense did I feel as though I belong.

Jaded, unpolished eyes scanned the open area, glossing over the pools and such. tattered and unkempt mane frizzed outward, a dip in one of the pools wouldn't be a bad idea. So with that plan in mind, I began toward the nearest pool, when a rounded ear caught the sound of sobbing. I stopped in my tracks, my body unmoving as a corpulent skull swung toward the sound of it. When it stopped, I felt the nagging need to go and investigate. A sneer and a hiss later, I shoved myself toward the sound. I suppose I'll bathe later. With days old blood still spattered across my face, worn in some areas and fresher in some, it wasn't long before my eyes befell a sight I never thought I'd see again. Narrowing my eyes in on the familiar creature, my face adopted a more stoic expression before I approached her from behind.

I'd be damned if she were to attack me, surely she would overwhelm me. I was never one to practice my magic, so instead i relied on brute strength. It was enough, for the most part, but one powerful spell could ruin me. I was no fool, i knew my limits. For the longest time, silence coated us. I stopped a few yards behind the lioness, unsure if i should even say anything.

"Makyna?"

Tired, moderate tones asked, but seemingly without my permission. It was as if my mouth had a mind of its own. I hadn't allowed anyone to see or hear me until just recently, but for makyna...anything.
@Makyna

Temporarily silent she had fallen while the last few ears streamed from her face then nothing. Her face was damp from the salty stains but other than that she was done, too numb to do much more but stare down at the patch of soft earth. Her former sobs had done enough to attract someone's attention which the lioness had not been expecting nor had she expected the masculine voice of one of the children that she saw as her own. He wasn't really a child anymore but because she knew him as a cub it was something she couldn't help but think about him.

The name he spoke caused the lioness to visibly flinch as if she'd been struck but she said nothing to correct him. Why bother? That's who she was. Makyna. Even if she didn't feel like it. Makyna had a family while she had nothing. Still, she turned her head to fix one sad blue eye on the large male. "Niru." Normally she might have run to him and given him a hug or at least given him a smile but now she had absolutely nothing to offer. Her heart went out to him, he seemed so tired and so defeated... just like her.

What a pair they were.

"I'm... sorry... it's good to see you... I..." Her head turned then as she looked back down at the pile of earth in front of her. "Just wish it could have been on better terms. Although I doubt there will ever be any good terms again." Not with how things were going now. Even though she'd found Niru --or he'd found her-- the lioness actually wished he were dead. If he were then he would actually be better off than living in this harsh environment and feeling more hurt that she would never be able to mend.

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words: 310
tagged: @Niru
ooc: ---
muse: 8/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...

My brows furrowed in concern, ears swiveling back into the mass of tattered mane as my eyes searched her face.
"Makyna...what happened here?"
Of course she did not have to tell me. And even though I was just short of addressing her as mother, it was hardly any of my business.
"what can I do?"
I offered to her, willing to give just about anything for the lioness who once held my life in her paws and chose to save it. I couldn't ever truly repay her, but it was quite clear she was in a dire need. I looked around, observed everything, and was so confused. A contemplative sound of confusion escaped ajar jowls as I observed the lioness once again.

True sadness filled my eyes for her, and though I wasn't exactly clear what was happening, it was apparent it was catastrophic. If she needed me, I'd do anything for her. I was sure she knew that. Maybe not, and if so, then it is my choice now to show her that is truly the case.
"anything,"
I reinforced my statement, venturing to take one step closer to her, though I didn't want to crowd her. It was up to her to allow me in, to allow me close. I wouldn't force her.

Ooc; short due to major multitasking atm <3

What happened here? Nothing had happened here, that was the problem. No one was here, nothing had gone on. It was eerily still. Pisces shouldn't be like this. Before it had been bustling with life and activity of her family and friends but now there was absolutely nothing. "Don't... please... I can't handle that name right now... I hardly feel like 'Makyna'." Her voice wasn't angry, wasn't upset, it wasn't anything... It just was as she made her request. Maybe in time she wouldn't mind the name but right now she only wished it to be said by Leon but he wasn't around... he never would be again.

As for what he could do? Her lips curled up into a grin but it was a sardonic one, something quite unlike her usual soft features. "Can you turn back time? Can you make our families and friends come back?" No. No one could do that. They were stuck in the present where living hurt just as much as death. "Maybe I should have you kill me..." Her eyes turned to his, gaze looking at his blood coated maw thoughtfully. The thought of his jaws closing around her throat and snuffing out her miserable life dancing in her mind but then she blinked and the look was gone. "No... I'm too much of a coward for that." Even though death might be easier that infinite void scared her. Despite having talked of the All Mother before it scared her to actually join her in her infinite darkness.

The lioness sighed finally standing and fully turning to the male. The lioness wanted to step closer, to go and bury her head in his mane and weep but she wouldn't allow herself the pleasure. "Niru... I don't know anymore... I lived for my husband, my family, for Maji Walezi... I don't know what to do anymore. What should a monster like me do?" She wanted to go with him, to walk the caves and speak of the evils that had happened but did she deserve any sort of company? "There's so much taint in these caves... I tried to be good before but now everything has just left me tattered..." Her words sounded tired as she lowered her head, looking as if she'd just run a marathon. When she spoke again the words were barely audible.

"What would you do? If you lost everything you loved and became what you hated the most?"

___________________________________________________________________

words: 409
tagged: @Niru
ooc: ---
muse: 8/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...

She was broken. No, that wasn't the word. She was shattered. She was in the smallest slivers of pieces, her soul obliterated. And as she spoke, all i wanted to do was hug her. Hold her. Save the one I consider to be my mother, my sister, my counterpart. But she asked me to not even use her name. What shall I call her? I had the nagging feeling she wasn't in the mood for coy questions, so I just decided to give her the name I wanted. I simply watched her, tears swelling at the edges of my eyes for her, threatening to spill.
"You aren't alone,"
I tried.
"I'm here."
Was I enough?
"I'm your family."
I reassured her.
"I'm so sorry everyone is gone. I'm so sorry you lost it all,"
Could we rebuild?
"if I could turn back time, I would. If I could save them all for you, I would."
Shoulda coulda woulda's wouldn't help her. So what would?

It was strange how similar we were. She lost everyone, everything, just as I had once. I had lost my father, siblings that I was supposed to care for, my home, my self worth. And what did I do? I tucked away in the holes and nooks and crannies in the cavern walls, keeping away from everyone. She wanted death, but knew she couldn't even entertain it. I took a few steps closer, this time willing to face whatever lashing she may give -if at all. Closing the gap, I attempted to hug the shattered woman, one large paw raising to sweep over her shoulders as my head aimed to rest on one side of her head/shoulder. Only if she would allow it, of course.
"I'm here for you."
I wanted to promise her always. I wanted to reassure her that I'd never leave. But i could die easily in the next five minutes as i could ten years from now. I let these words linger, let her make of them what she will, and waited for her to respond.

The lioness' ears twitched at his words, were those tears she could hear? Emotion threatening to spill over and overtake his words? She wasn't alone? No. He was here, both of them could be broken together. Was she being selfish? He'd lost too and now she was unloading all of her burdens onto him. Not only was she a monster for murdering her friend but she was one for completely disregarding his feelings. It was like a punch in the gut that he didn't push her away, that he still wanted to reassure and help her. A choking sob came to her throat. "The caves don't deserve someone as good as you... I don't deserve a child as good as you..." Her words were a choking gasp as she fought through the tears. He probably wouldn't believe her but she believed herself. Even if they were both tainted he was still good in a way that she was not.

The lioness could feel the paw sweeping over her back, locking around her shoulders as he pulled her into a hug. It was an embrace that she felt she didn't deserve but as aforementioned she was a coward so she didn't pull away. Instead, she leaned forward as she allowed her head to rest against his mane while she tried to lose herself and forget of the troubles that she faced. It worked for a few seconds before everything came crashing down again.

They were alone with their entire families decimated but that didn't mean they couldn't rebuild something. Couldn't do more to protect themselves so that they didn't have to face the dark caves alone. "As terrible as I am... I will be here for you too..." Her head lifted slightly as she felt conviction deep in her gut, that feeling allowed her to say what she needed to next. "I was burying what was left of my past. I think we both should try to leave what once was in the past so that we can look towards what will be." She was weak and dependent back then but now she only wanted to build herself up again. She wanted to build so that she would never be crushed again.

___________________________________________________________________

words: 371
tagged: @Niru
ooc: ---
muse: 8/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...

I pulled away, letting my paw which swung land on the ground once more. I observed her as she spoke, nodding subtly every once in a while and when I was certain she had finished, I opened my jaws to speak.
"Why don't we stick together? You dont need to be alone, and I've had enough of solitude. We're family, let's act like one."
I forced a grin, the expression unfamiliar to me. I then moved to stand next to her, our bodies parallel now. I looked over at her, smiling upon the motherly figure.
"together we'll overcome our hardships."
I promised her, reassuring her I wouldn't be like the rest. I wouldn't be like those who abandoned me.

Rubbing my shoulder against hers, I sucked in a sharp breath.
"why don't we move? Establish a more permanent residence somewhere. I was thinking Eridanus."
I let the idea be voiced, letting her mull over this. If she stayed with me, we could protect each other. Protect others. Survive in more than vacancy and feral solitude. Hanging my head slightly, I sighed.
"it may never be the same, but it could help us move forward."
Who knows how long we'd be alive to deal with the issues we've encountered.

The words he spoke, they made perfect sense. Alone she had been for so long and despite the small nudge of doubt that told her that she didn't deserve to travel with such a good lion she ignored it. He needed her, as terrible as she was, and she needed him too. The lioness had always been one that thrived when she was around others and despite her nature now it was still the same. "If you will have me..." She attempted a smile then but it didn't reach her eyes. She didn't have the ability to throw on one of the smiles she would have given when she was perfectly happy.

He moved around to her side, allowing their fur to brush against one another. Not alone. Not anymore... Still not Leon... but it was something. She would have to start anew, remake herself and hope that she didn't become the weakling that she was before. "Eridanus". The word came as a wrecking ball to nearly shatter her entire being. The lioness began to tremble, breathes starting to come in gasps. "No... Not there... Anywhere but there..." Eridanus was where it happened, where her friendly possibly still lay bleeding out on the earth.

"I... I don't..." She pulled away then, turning around to face Niru with eyes as wide as marbles. "I'm not good anymore... You shouldn't be with me after what I've done. After the things I've thought... The cave has tainted me." How could she have deluded herself into thinking that she could just band with Niru and rebuild her family? Nothing would ever be the same, she was a testament to that.

Would he still stick around if she told him what she'd done?

"I'm a murderer, Niru." Her voice was flat as the words came out unbidden. Her eyes held no emotion just a silence that wondered if he would bolt away from her or try to console her. There was no consolation for her, she already knew what she was. If she were to be forgiven then that was him...

She would never forgive herself.

___________________________________________________________________

words: 351
tagged: @Niru
ooc: ---
muse: 6/10

"Talking looks like this!"
Thinking looks like this...

a murderer? Surely not. My brows furrowed and I looked at Makyna.
"no you're not. You didn't kill them."
I demanded, declaring it to be true when in reality i had no idea. She could have slaughtered them all in cold blood, but I would bet my left nut she didn't.
"I dont care what you may or may not have done, there is nothing you could do to deter me. To make me stop loving you."
My words fell, sincerity poured over the top. The way I said it suggested I meant a brotherly, child like way. My eyes weren't gushing with adoration, but filled with concern. My tongue slipped through my jaws, flicking up behind her ear before clarifying.
"you're like a mother to me."
I stopped myself from saying her name, unsure of what to rename the great cat.

Shaking my head, corpulent skull swung to the side, casting my eyesight on the vast landscape.
"now, where shall we call home?"
I asked, ready to move on from this rancid way of life. Having met my "sibling" was proof I never belonged. But Ky made me feel something akin to that, and I'll always appreciate her for it. Awaiting her response, I let a deep sigh breathe through me.